DD was missing, inside school, for 2 hours... I'm a bit concerned! AIBU?

[FairyCakes2009]

Hi there, about 5 years ago, I had an account, but never started any threads, so I'm a bit nervous! If I'm concerned over nothing, please don't flame me. I'm willing to listen.

My daughter (2nd daughter) is 6, she is in Year 1. The school do an end of year assembly; all the children take part, with each class doing their own little production. They have been practicing every morning (this was yesterday, obviously) and they do that at 9:30-10:30, in the school hall. DD asked to go to the toilet, half way through the practice, so I completely understand why her teacher wanted to say no. DD is very shy, so she wouldn't have asked again (I don't know if she did or didn't, but I'm 99% sure she wouldn't have)... DD wet herself, I'm not mad at the teacher for not allowing her to go, I am a bit "I really wish you let her" but they were in the middle of the practice, so she obviously hoped she could wait.

DD had managed to get out of the line (while they were walking back to their classroom) and went to hide in the toilets. By the way, this is my second daughter's account of what happened, with some of DD2's input. I'll get to why DD1 was involved, in just a second.

I have no idea if any teacher/staff member went to look for her, but DD1 was asked, at lunchtime (so 2 hours later) if she knew where her sister was. DD1, who is 10, had no idea... She went looking for her though, found her crying in the toilets, and brought her to her classroom. The TA got her a carrier bag to put her tights in, and provided her with some new underwear.

DD1 was staying over her friend's house last night, so I didn't hear any of this until today (friend's mum picked her up from school). DD2 told me she had wet herself, but that was it... However, when I asked her about it, she said pretty much the same thing as her sister.

I'm just a bit concerned that no one told me about this, or would a teacher not mention this? I'm not having a go at her teacher, I'm just genuinely curious if this is something that wouldn't be mentioned... I also don't like the fact that no one had seen her for 2 hours, she's only 6. I know she probably couldn't have gotten into any danger, but you never know.

Thank you for any advice that you may give x

[Obeliskherder]

Thanks for the update OP. I'm not sure where to go from that either.

The main thing I think is for you to drum into your DD that it's completely fine to share this problem with an adult - teacher, TA or school office.

[hotdiggedy]

Goodness. Don't go writing strongly worded letters as has been suggested. They have apologised, you say its a lovely school, lovely teacher. Why do some people seem so hell bent on making the life of those working in schools so difficult?

[NervousRider]

One of my biggest concerns with this situation is that the teacher did not tell you. It would make me wonder what else they keep from the parents.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

If you want to know what to do next, how about writing a thank you card and sending in a small bunch of flowers for the TA who had to find, clean up and change your child?

[JolieColombe]

Heard it all now. School makes a 6 year old wet herself then doesn't notice when she's hiding wet and miserable on the loos, and the OP should send in a card and flowers

Maybe the teacher should thank the TA for clearing up her mess - and apologise to the child.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Don't be absurd GoblinOwl. It's unthinking posts like that that wind people up.

[Ilovemygsd]

Her teacher doesn't sound like a good teacher to me he disappearing for 10 mins, maybe 20 if the school was upside with a big rehearsal or something. But 2 hours?? Id be fuming! I'd be asking her teacher, I'd also be asking what would of happened if there was a fire or even a fire drill? Totally unacceptable. And that's b4 you even think she was crying and upset for those 2 hours.

[hotdiggedy]

I am going to pay close attention to all these school threads where parents are 'fuming/irate' over something just to see how often these words are used. Why would anyone want to work in a school?!

[sleeponeday]

I'd love to see some of you with your liberal toilet opinions in a classroom where every child is allowed to go when they ask

Then perhaps you should visit my son's school. That's their policy, and to date the sky remains safely overhead.

[mummytotwins]

What if there had been a fire alarm?! I can't understand losing a 6 year old for 2 hours, how was it not noticed sooner/why was she not found sooner? This rings huge alate bells for me, I would be wanting some proper answers

[BoomBoomsCousin]

FairyCakes I think there are two things you can do to make the best of this situation. 1) Is to ask that they talk to DD to apologize and try to get her more comfortable with asking for what she needs. Maybe they could suggest a "signal" or something she could use if she needs to ask a second time so she feels more comfortable doing so? 2) you can ask them to tell you how they are going to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Because poor communication explains why your DD was asked but it doesn't explain why your DD was left for nearly two hours before she was looked for (I'm assuming here that the TA was only looking a short time and they didn't spend two hours waiting to ask your older DD and simply assuming your younger DD had gone home.

[TooManyTables]

I would not be furious, I would go absolutely fucking ballistic. lazyness, pure incompetence and quite frankly negligence by this teacher.

God forbid teachers have to deal with children who sometimes play silly when going to the toilet. They are children, you are paid to deal with it. Something like this severely damages a child's confidence and is hideous. Can all you "teachers" please state which schools you work in so we can avoid them at all costs.

[ApostrophesMatter]

God forbid teachers have to deal with children who sometimes play silly when going to the toilet. They are children, you are paid to deal with it. Something like this severely damages a child's confidence and is hideous. Can all you "teachers" please state which schools you work in so we can avoid them at all costs.

Please tell us where you live so we never have to deal with you. Your poor DCs are in for a difficult time at school if this is typical of the attitude you have.

[Verbena37]

There are two types of people.....the ones, like me, who think children should very much be allowed to go to the loo whenever they need (and yes, that risks some messing about but hey ho) and those who dont tank children should be able to use a normal bodily function, except at certain, timetabled slots.

OP whilst your DDs school may be very lovely and you believe to to be a massive mistake, I would formally write to them (and the governors) as a record that this has happened. Whether or not a head count is taken regularly, isn't relevant. A class tescher of a year 1 should not have a missing child for two hours.
Imagine if they had visited a church for the rehearsal or gone on a school trip to a country park with lakes. Two hours is two hours!
Your dd could have had a seizure or passed out and they wouldn't know.

Plus, when you said the TA checked the toilets, she obviously didn't check hard enough....otherwise she would have found her.

Why are people so apologetic for obvious incompetence. The schools integral child safety system should not have allowed this happen.

Your child's teacher is their carer during the hours whilst you're not there. If she was being looked after by a child minder or a nanny at your home, whilst you were at work, if the carer couldn't find her for two hours, you'd be fuming. Why are posters making out like this is fine?

[Verbena37]

Oops, typos.....should not be able to use a normal bodily function that should have said.

[hotdiggedy]

And you wonder why there is a teacher shortage!!!