surely a grandmother should check with parent before buying for DC for school/trips etc.,?

[NoahVale]

my DM has just announced she has bought books for DC school work, which we had anyway!
she said she asked DC.
Now I know DC is 16 but wouldn't it be sensible to check with the mother to make sure the motehr a) didnt already have said object, or b) the motehr hadnt made plans to source object.

yes, I have posted about her before, perhaps I should name change,

Surely if a child needs a school book most parents will automatically be the ones to get it for him, but the child won't necessarily know what is going on

Why would a 16 year old know what's going on when it's them that need the books.
Surely teenager finds out what books they need, I wouldn't know, I'm not owing the course and they say ' mum I need.........'
Gran comes along and says that they will buy a book. Surely teen says h 'I've told my mum which one I want' or ' great I need...........'
Gran isn't going to know which book to get unless she has specifically been told surely.

if there's a.list she doesn't need to know as such does she.

she just needs to know she has to look and order.

I bet BOTH sets of books will be wrong now.
Although I cant see how they could be tbf

one of the books I bought dd, she moaned the print was too small, and guess what, GM agreed with her I had only just bought them!

Another voice for "why wouldn't a 16yo know what is going on about their own books". And for the record I do have a 16yo, he is as air-headed as they come, but if he fails to keep track of what he needs and when, then he is the one who gets told off, not some kindly adult whom he failed to provide with the correct information. The way I see it, it is my job to train him to be less air-headed by the time I release him on the world in approximately two years' time.

Glad you feel better for the rant. Treat yourself to an afternoon nap later

cross-post: in your case, I would tell your dd off for wasting grandma's money and make it quite clear who the responsible person is here

I so get where you are coming from Noah. One incident doesn't sound like a big deal but when there's a long history of that sort of thing it is annoying.
My MIL was exactly like this when my dcs were younger. Always buying stuff for them without ever referring to me. She always meant well but would buy stuff in the wrong size or that just wasn't practical and wouldn't keep receipts or buy them from chains where I could discreetly return them. Yes it was her money she was wasting, but I used to find it very upsetting to see so much waste at a time when we had little money ourselves. She used to ignore my wishes in lots of ways (giving chocolate to a fussy eater just before a meal, trying to give cows milk to a breast fed few week old baby etc)

Any single incident related to someone else would undoubtedly make me sound petty and ungrateful but goodness I used to get so worked up about it!

She's now in her 80s and has just lost her husband of 60 years so I have nothing but love and compassion for her now. I just wish we could have worked out a better relationship years ago.

my other dd studied psychology briefly and said buying things for people is a way of getting rid of any guilt, making you feel better about yourself.

which is a way of looking at things.

Goodness is there some reason your 16yo is incapable of sorting this out herself?

Is there some reason you want your mother and your 16 year old to do their communicating through you?

Sorry, that sounded a bit harsh, but that's what your posts seem like (to me) ... controlling and anxious.

It does seem like a bit of a non-issue, but I do appreciate there may be a whole series of 'non-issues' between the three of you, that we know nothing about.

I think the way forward is to take a step back from this sort of stuff. Allow both your 16 year old and your mother to make their own arrangements and do their own communicating.

Save any control (that the position of 'mother' gives you) for the big stuff.

" buying things for people is a way of getting rid of any guilt, making you feel better about yourself."

Yeah, that might or might not apply to your mum, but it's one hell of a sweeping statement!

So a child did half a psychology A level or something, trotted out some shite you'd read in Cosmo at the hairdresser, and this is now fact?
I'm guessing your older child didn't pay attention in the scientific method sessions?
This is the weirdest thread I've seen in a while!

""my other dd studied psychology briefly and said buying things for people is a way of getting rid of any guilt, making you feel better about yourself.""

Or you buy things for people, you like/love, because you think that they would like them, or need them. Speaking as someone who did a lot of Psychology and a Nan.

You may have had real grievances with her in the past, but this one is very petty.

are you always so sneery Cabrinha

My Mum bought dd a course of driving lessons and a car and didn't ask me. I am and always will be very grateful to my lovely Mum as I do not now have that expense to worry about.
Plus dd passed her test 1st time at 17

No, not always NoahVale