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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you believe in fate?

82 replies

ktalgfdk · 08/07/2016 14:47

Just that really.

OP posts:
PuckyMup · 08/07/2016 21:19

"i believe that we are all exactly where we're supposed to be." "whats for you won't pass you"

HATE these sayings I'm afraid. Am 30 stuck living at home and never been in a proper relationship (and still holding a V card) despite trying all sorts to change my circumstances and these sayings make me so depressed. I refuse to believe my lot in life is to be stuck at home arguing daily with parents and to never find someone.. So I very much don't believe in Fate .. if I believed in fate then it would soon have to be game over as I cant take much more..

Scoose · 08/07/2016 21:22

I do definitely my dh and I grew up round the corner from each other he is a few years older than me. I was best mates with a lad and he was best mates with his brother and we know loads of the same people yet our paths didn't cross until I ended up friends with my best friend who was in a relationship with his best friend. They set us up on a blind date. Sadly they didn't work out but dh and have been together for twelve years married seven and have dd Grin

expatinscotland · 08/07/2016 21:27

Pay no mind to such utter bollocks, Pucky.

"whats for you won't pass you"

My child got cancer and died, age 9. I guess cancer was 'for her'.

See what I mean, such statements are utter bullshit.

Trills · 08/07/2016 21:29

Bollocks.

The human brain is good at looking for patterns. Often it "finds" patterns where there are none.

CamilleClaudel · 08/07/2016 21:43

Yep 100% I wouldn't have met DH otherwise. Long story but I was literally moving house & I was an hour late to hand over the keys, i had no phone, no internet, nothing then DH appears at the door. He was the new estate agent smile perfect timing after all!

But there's nothing 'fated' about that. By a series of accidents you happened to meet a man you liked and ended up married to. If you hadn't been late or the estate agent had been later than you, or female, or didn't fancy you, you'd have ended up married to someone else, or not married.

My DH and I grew up a mile and a half apart, went to single sex schools within half a mile of one another, and yet only met at university in a distant city. But that's not 'fate - we happened not to meet at school (partly because the schools were single sex and didn't really fraternise), and we met at university because we were studying the same subject and got involved in the same subject-related society.

DampSqid · 08/07/2016 21:52

Of course not but I wish I could

I don't believe in anything woo at all.

heavenlypink · 08/07/2016 22:01

100% YES

If there is anyone on here that knows me this will most definitely out me.

I support children with SEN in mainstream school. Several years ago I was supporting a child with ADHD and an associated variable genetic disorder. Whilst reading up on it I had a shiver down the spine moment when I realised that my own child (and myself to a lesser degree) had the same condition. A complicated story is obviously entwined with this but in summary my son had had his chromosomes tested as a baby but as there wasn't an identified gene for it at that time it wasn't diagnosed and my mother for some bizarre and unknown reason didn't tell me of the genetic link. It took me a while far too long to pluck up the courage to speak to the paediatrician about my 'theory' She took one look at DS one look and me and said yes you do. It explained every problem he has had in life.

If I had never met this child I would still be none the wiser.

"People come into you life for a reason, a season or a lifetime"

expatinscotland · 08/07/2016 22:13

People come into your life because you happened to meet them.

KatieKaboom · 08/07/2016 22:55

I don't believe in fate. I am grateful for some brilliant strokes of luck and coincidences that kept me alive, and feel absolutely bowel-wateringly sick to think that if I hadn't done X on such and such a day, I never would have met my husband, had this kid, etc.

CamilleClaudel · 08/07/2016 23:29

But that's just a massive coincidence, heavenly, isn't it? Made a bit less coincidental by the fact that you were a SEN assistant, maybe sparked off in the first place by having your son...?

Scoose · 08/07/2016 23:55

I believe in fate but at the same time I don't believe that bad things that happen are fated. My dd has severe sn I don't believe that's fate but i do believe she was blessed upon us to look after her

CalmItKermitt · 09/07/2016 00:22

No. Not at all.

Eg you hear things like "If I hadn't gone to that different pub that night I'd never have met my husband..."

And? So what? You'd have met someone else, somewhere else at some point 😐

heavenlypink · 09/07/2016 07:52

Not sure what the question is Camille - but I was an SEN assistant before I had my son, and was employed by the authority not the school. Each year I could have been placed anywhere and therefore never met this child.

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 09/07/2016 08:06

Yes Cam; that's my point! A series of events beyond ones control! You should look up the definition..... HmmHmm

LouBlue1507 · 09/07/2016 08:08

I believe in something but don't know if it's fate?
Like if I end up getting cancer at 50, the that's what'll happen regardless, even if I eat healthily and exercise. Or if I'm meant to die at 50, then is is what will happen, even if I lock myself away in a rubber room.. A car would crash into said room and kill me..

God I sound morbid!! 😅

HelpfulChap · 09/07/2016 15:58

P.S didn't ANYONE get my reference!

Sad Halo
CamilleClaudel · 09/07/2016 16:10

LadyMary, I think you'll find the most usual definition of fate is

the development of events outside a person's control, regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power.

Yours was a series of accidental happenings that meant you met the man you married. If a fortune teller had told you you would marry an estate agent from Loughborough and you decided you didn't like the idea and upped and moved to Fiji to start a new life and evetually met a gorgeous landscape gardener who, on your first date, revealed that until a year ago he had been an estate agent in his native Loughborough - that would arguably be 'fate'.

Heavenly, no, I get that it was a huge coincidence that you happened to encounter a child that happened to have exactly your child's rare condition, I just don't see anything more than a very fortunate accident...

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 09/07/2016 16:17

HelpfulChap is that from the Terminator?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 09/07/2016 17:41

Aww HelpfulChap we will just call you Sarah Connor Smile.

I'm Fox Mulder, I want to believe.

It would be nice to think dh travelled hundreds of miles to go to a particular uni, as did I, because we were rated to meet and fall madly in love.

But actually I think we went there for the course we did, and being full of hormones the rest happened naturally.

It isn't as romantic an explanation though!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 09/07/2016 17:42

Well if we'd been rated to meet I'd deal with it, but I don't think we were fated to meet even!

mynamesnotMa · 09/07/2016 17:43

I used to like to believe such things but really now I realise it's just co incidence.

imjessie · 09/07/2016 17:48

My dh was on the train behind the 7/7 train . He was walking across Victoria station to get it and he bumped into someone he used to work with from a town miles away . So he missed the 7/7 tube . I can't help thinking there was something / someone looking after that day.

PippaFawcett · 09/07/2016 17:50

No I don't. And I don't believe in Karma and I also don't believe 'its a boy thing'. HTH.

Sallystyle · 09/07/2016 17:50

No.

No one up there is planning my life out for me.

BadToTheBone · 09/07/2016 17:58

Don't believe in fate or karma, the concept is totally flawed.