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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you believe in fate?

82 replies

ktalgfdk · 08/07/2016 14:47

Just that really.

OP posts:
mogloveseggs · 08/07/2016 17:37

Yes. If dh's mate's girlfriend hadn't been refused at a club when they were on a night out, they wouldn't have come back to town and we wouldn't have met that night. As it was she did, they did and he bought me a corona. The rest is history Grin

WhyShouldYou · 08/07/2016 17:37

Surprised to see the willingness to accept fate, whatever you mean by that, but not karma.

I'm of a scientific bent and believe in a form of karma that naturally occurs in many situations because of purely logical reasons. Eg, someone who's cheated then struggles with trust and suffers as a result.

If your belief basis is scientific then fate also must be true in a sense - from one state of the universe, in the macro scale, the subsequent state a moment later can be predicted (or at least it could if we could know the position and momentum of all particles at any one moment, in the entire universe, and had sussed the link between general relativity and quantum mechanics - but just because we can't now, the assumption is that we could if we knew more and were better at it). Eg, the balls on a snooker table are 'fated' to move a certain way from the moment the white is hit. But there's no scientific basis for there to be some sentience behind the cue! Which some of you seem to be implying.

Any weird happenings you've had are purely coincidence.

Note that a world without coincidences would be WAY weirder are FAR less likely to occur (in a mathematical/scientific sense) than one with.

WhyShouldYou · 08/07/2016 17:41

In some nations that believe in fate you see people driving (for example) like maniacs because 'if it is my day to die I will die however I drive'.

I've witnessed that! A fellow traveller said that when one vehicle crashed down into a valley far below, and there were clearly survivors, the other vehicles were going to leave them to their fate. The fellow traveller (a climber) organised a rescue.

HelpfulChap · 08/07/2016 17:44

WhyShouldYou

I love that post. Its like dialogue from Fringe or something Mr Spock would say (and I mean that as a compliment!).

bigTillyMint · 08/07/2016 17:46

Yes

But in a positive way.

UmbongoUnchained · 08/07/2016 17:47

Don't believe in fate but I definitely believe in karma. Seen that one in play a few times.

peachpudding · 08/07/2016 17:51

fate is very much like believing in God - ok I could have the wrong deity but I thought god gave/allowed people free will. Which means a god and fate are incompatible?

Arent fate and karma the same thing?

If it was fate to be with someone, why did fate wait until you had married someone else? i would have thought fate would have married you the first time around?

bigTillyMint · 08/07/2016 17:52

I met my DH over 20 years ago through a series of events which led us to having friends in common at the time and then being sat opposite each other at a birthday meal. The fact that he found me irresistibly attractive with a dazzling personality has nothing to do with fate of course - that's all down to me Grin

I also think it was fate that my old uni friends then gf and I found ourselves at the EPU at the same moment to be scanned and then a whole series of "coincidences" is down to fate. The fact that we have been BFFs ever since is not. Obviously!

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 08/07/2016 18:02

I don't believe in a pre-destined fate no, but I am aware that of even one thing in my life had been done differently then my life would be completely different IYSWIM.

I do have this weird thing though, where nearly new person I meet seems to have a connection to someone I already know. That may just mean I've lived in this city too long though. Smile

Porcupinetree · 08/07/2016 18:10

I worked in an office next to the shop my husband's brother worked in for a year then went to university and caught the same train each morning as my husband's older brother of course I didn't know who they were until I met my husband a couple of years later.

AgitatedGuava · 08/07/2016 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maggiethemagpie · 08/07/2016 18:14

The problem with (believing in ) karma is that some societies where this belief is widely held can lose their sympathy for less fortunate people.

Beggar on the side of the road? Must have done something in a past life, he's working out his karma.

Ironic really as they'll be the ones with bad karma to work out in the next life!

maggiethemagpie · 08/07/2016 18:17

Whyshouldyou, you're right about the coincidences thing.

There is a quote from the late Richard Feynman, he used to start off his lectures saying 'something unbelievable happened on the way here, I couldn't believe it I saw a car in front of me with the license plate R756JKH ! (or whatever the american equivalent is)

exLtEveDallas · 08/07/2016 18:25

I don't know if I do, but DH really does. He is forever saying it.

Most of his examples I would say are coincidence rather than fate though.

Things like the house we are in now. It was a 'filler' house - something to see in a gap between two other houses. No intention of buying (didn't like it at all on RightMove) Except we both fell for it, hard. And then the village we live in - we only stopped for a leg stretch on the way to another place, but fell for it. And then finally, having gone to the village, seen the house, discovering that the only primary school in the area (8 schools) with a place for DD, was the one in the village!

DH says fate, I say coincidence. I don't know.

downright · 08/07/2016 19:46

All bullshit.

People who believe in fate tend to believe because of leading to and somehow think it all happened for a reason because they're a special snowflake.

It's bullshit.

mineofuselessinformation · 08/07/2016 19:54

If there is such a thing as fate or karma, then I must have been a pretty shitty person in some previous life. Sad
I listen to other people moan about fairly mundane things (fair enough as they are events in their life) and wonder how on earth they'd have coped with mine! I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but I have been through some pretty awful things.

Flowerfae · 08/07/2016 20:11

I think some things are down to fate but not everything.

exWifebeginsat40 · 08/07/2016 20:46

i believe that we are all exactly where we're supposed to be.

i got sober with AA. i thought i was going to really struggle with it as i'm not religious. it was a revelation to me. one of the things i learned is the concept that we are where we are meant to be. i find it comforting.

and AA was the only thing that did work, in the end. i have stayed stopped for over 2 years, and allow myself small rituals and superstitions!

holdinghands · 08/07/2016 20:50

If coincidences are just coincidences then why do they feel so contrived?

HelpfulChap · 08/07/2016 20:52

exWife

Well done on staying sober. I have immense admiration for you.

Glittered · 08/07/2016 20:54

I don't believe but I'd like to.

expatinscotland · 08/07/2016 21:01

I'm with downright. Load of bollocks.

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 08/07/2016 21:13

Yep 100% I wouldn't have met DH otherwise. Long story but I was literally moving house & I was an hour late to hand over the keys, i had no phone, no internet, nothing then DH appears at the door. He was the new estate agent :) perfect timing after all!

Statelychangers · 08/07/2016 21:15

nope

Statelychangers · 08/07/2016 21:18

What is the purpose or function of fate for those who believe?

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