To wonder why when choosing a school parents go for the easiest option despite it not always being the best choice for their kids.

[Jackpack]

My Ds is due to start high school in September. We put down a catholic school with a great reputation, good feel to it and with excellent ofsted reports and results and for our second choice we put down an equally good community school, both around 2.5 miles away. My Ds does go to Catholic primary so he'll move up with the majority of his friends, most of whom live closer to the school but he'll also have kids in his year that live close by to us as one of our local primaries is a feeder to the secondary, so making friends local shouldn't be a problem.

The reason I chose these two schools is quite simple, the rest in our town are diabolical, in every way imaginable. I wouldn't ever want my child to go there and if we'd have been allocated one of these schools then I'd have quit my job to joke school him. That's how bad they are! So, there are I think seven children in our street in the same year as my Ds so they are going to secondary as well this year. Each of their parents have chosen one of the failing schools to send them to and two of my friends, and a family member have chosen to do the same.

Obviously it is their choice to send their child to whichever school they like but why on earth they have chosen these schools i don't know, but then it dawned on me, because it's easier for them, the parents not the child I mean.

Sending their kids to the nearest school means they won't have to get up early and drive them to school. One of my friends was on Facebook recently raving that she can stay in bed longer come September as she won't have to take her child to school. I mean come on. I realise that a lot of kids do go local and there are certainly advantages to that including walking with friends etc but what's more important, thier kids get to walk to school with friends or that they get a better education. If all the schools in the area are equally as good then o can see why parents would want their kids to go to the local school, but when they're all exceptionally bad why not try for a better school slightly further away. It's just seems like laziness to me.

I sent my kids to a nearby comprehensive because I can't be arsed with all this book-learning rubbish and spend my days lounging in front of the telly in my onesie. Obviously.

What was the point of this post OP? Do you need some sort of validation you're a better parent that your neighbours maybe?

And remember the school which is Outstanding in one report can quickly become a failing one. I have seen several schools do this much to the general squawking of the middle class mummies who had moved house to ensure little Amelia/Henry got a place.

So I do hope your smuggery does not see you landing flat in your arse.

I think you are being a goody fucker though....and now I come to think of it didn't you post this last year too?

Bertrand- I am always fascinated by this. Particularly cos I live in an area most mumsnetters would be too scared to drive through, and the four closest schools to me are rated outstanding.

what's the point of this post OP?
that not all parents are as good as you

that's a no fucking brainer

So chaotic families can't get their child baptised? I hear this all the time that only rich stable families baptise their children or send them to faith schools but my experience of it tells me this is crap. All of my family are Catholic, none of us are rich, my parents are divorced, so are my grandparents. My husband's side are mainly Catholic and send their kids to catholic schools and some of them are single parents, divorced, have special needs kids, other social problems etc. What a generalisation to make eh.

No worse than the generalisations in your OP....go back and have a look.

Jackpack Fri 08-Jul-16 14:48:41

"That's crap. The local secondary is two minutes walk from our home. Are you seriously suggesting that my child would avoid becoming obese if I'd chosen this school and he had the opportunity to walk to school every day? "

No, I am not. Just pointing out that there are many different factors that might sway different parents. And if you had read my post carefully you would have seen that what made the difference for my ds is not the mile or so he walks to school that makes the difference; it is the habit this has ingrained that you only use a car for very special occasions, that the normal way of getting about is on foot.

I also pointed out that most people who do lots of sports while at school tend to give them up when they leave school, because adult sport is more professionalised and you no longer have mum or dad to pay for it.

Not saying your ds will. But lots of people do.

Anyway, the school I chose (for other reasons), which was the local best on all the counts you mention, has now taken a nosedive. Didn't take more than a year for the rot to set in once the old head left. So the smile could still end up on the face of the tiger for the mums you look down on.

I have to say a Catholic school would be bottom of my list, regardless of how 'excellent' it might be.
single sex schools would be second bottom.
So I would rather a less good co-ed with no religious bias....each to their own.

I think you're the best Mother of all time.

I went to a private secondary school on a scholarship but if your child isn't quite as brilliant as that you need to go for the best school you can.

Well done you.

As other PP have stated there are lots of reasons why parents choose the schools they do.

example: A friend has a daughter with a special needs ( I'm not sure what exactly they are so I won't speculate). There are two schools near her. The first is further away, has good ofsted reports and does well academically. She visited and felt that her daughter wouldn't get the support she deserved. Most questions were dismissed with airy wave of the hand.

School two is actually nearer and is deemed 'satisfactory'. This school answered all her questions about her daughter's needs, was supportive and had the right atmosphere for want of a better word. The daughter went there and is doing well.

There are lots of variables in choosing a school. It is not a simple process and if you want proof of that, just read the threads on here where parents are driving themselves mad over this very issue.

Why don't you ask them why they chose those crappy schools, if you genuinely want to understand? Why make yourself sound like a judgemental pillock on mumsnet, instead? And what makes you think you will get the real answers from complete strangers?...

No, I did not say that. But I did say - as an aside to the main point of my post, which you have ignored - that such requirements will TEND to mitigate against those families / children who make teaching in our most deprived schools so challenging - those who are substance-dependent, have one or both parents in prison, the children are young carers, fostered, left to fend for themselves from a very early age, come from Traveller or other low achieving groups etc etc. Not at an 'individual' level - I am not saying that this is your situation - but at a population level, those requirements will make a statistical difference to the intake.

One of the reasons I chose my sons secondary school (he's just finishing year 7) was ease of getting there. We looked at 4 schools.
Choice 1 - the nearest (10-15 min walk) but only opened in Sept (linked to an outstanding school a few miles away) so a 'risk'

Choice 2. 'Local' c of e school. I loved it. It was my favourite. But I'm a single mum. I don't drive. There's a school bus he could catch but would cost. Plus I can't get there very easily if he gets sent home sick.

Choice 3. A couple of miles away. 10 mins on public transport. Lots of children from his primary went there. We didn't like it despite fab results and reports.

Choice 4. The other side of town. Catholic. Decided 2 buses was a nightmare.

Over the last year I've has numerous people tell me I've made the wrong choice and should have picked number 3. Meh. I think 1 was the right choice for him. Partly due to the convenient location.

(And I base that list on a single class in a small primary school of my own experience - forgetting vulnerably housed, recent refugees etc etc)

There's loads of reasons they could be sending their DC to a 'failing school' you don't agree with it but that's their business.

Although I will say my MIL did exactly as Savesomespendsome Mum did - sent her DC to nearest awful school that both her DC were bullied at so that she could have a lie in 7 days a week despite being a sahm to school age DC.

Some people in life are lazy and selfish, sadly becoming a parent doesn't always buck their ideas up.

I may have been the friend bragging about getting a lie in come September as my daughter is going to her nearest secondary school which is all of two minutes away. I get up at six at the moment so getting up at around 0730 will change my life. Luckily it's an outstanding school too so at least people like you won't judge.
OP I went to a "dire" school - in fact one of the worst schools in west London. I'm doing better than all right so perhaps you'll find all those hideous parenting choices you are fretting about won't actually make that much difference in the end.

Sometimes the poorly performing schools end up being the superior schools because they put a lot of effort into improving; new head, more resources and a good old shake up.

When I started secondary school, it was in a rickety old building but a few years later, they relocated to the most amazing site. Private schools rented our sports facilities, it was that good. Anyway, don't judge a book by its cover. There's more to a school than sparkly swimming pools and smiley teachers. It's about the whole kit and kaboodle.

OP you sound very judgemental.

I think every parent to a degree choosing what they think is right for their child, regardless of whether that is actually true and secondly for reasons of bias. We would always have gone to a Catholic school, I think, but my eldest sibling failed the 11+ and my Mum just sent the two younger siblings to the same school, which was not a good fit for either of us, we both could have gone to "better" schools, better in general, and better for us as individuals, but then we would each have been in a different school. Not convenient.

My Aunt did something equally bizarre she was approached by one of the best independents in the region offering my cousin a scholarship, additionally when he came to choosing time, he preferred a non-religious comp in a good catchement. She refused and sent him to the local Catholic comp as she'd set it in stone he would go there years in advance.

I will not be making the same error with my own.

Are you choosing according to what you and you alone think is best OP? What does your DS think? Where would he like to go and why?

We live in a largely rural area, with a choice of one school 5 minutes walk away and the others a long bus ride away, meaning the best part of two hours travelling daily and all the schools having fairly similar ofsted reports. Most of dd's friends going to the local one. No religious aspect to muddy the waters.

No-brainer. Easiest option - her choice not ours.

Yup YABU - what makes you the final decider as to what is good for other people's children?

Are you usually so judgy in real life??