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AIBU?

On my mind, was DH U

65 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 07/07/2016 11:08

Ok so this is going to sound pathetic but this happened last weekend, wasn't major but it really bothered me and it's been on my mind since...

DH is genuinely lovely, works really hard, hands on dad, always supportive, we have a good loving marriage and were pretty equal with most things were he slacks on things I pick it up and vice versa.
Last weekend I went out with DD to a tea party sort of thing that my friend was having, lovely afternoon, DH stayed home and did the garden the entire day. It really needed doing especially as we're hoping to have a garden party in the next few weeks. When we were leaving to come home i felt a headache coming on, within the 20min that it took me to drive home it was getting worse and worse. I told DH when I walked through the door (he was still doing he garden) and asked him if he knew were my migraine pills were as I just couldn't think straight. I had a search around but just couldn't find them anywhere, I took paracetamol out of desperation and it started to calm down. I then went to DH and said I can't find my migraine pills anywhere, the paracetamol has only tak the edge off, I need my migraine pills for in four hours when I'm allowed to take them. He then said, go and sit down or have a sleep, in a couple hours hopefully it will have calmed down enough and then you can just pop to the chemist and get some.... Now thankfully after an hour I was feeling much better, my head was clearer and I found my migraine pills but it really really upset me that DH could see I was suffering and panicky and didn't just offer to stop what he was doing and go get them for me. That is exactly what I would have done, AIBU?

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LouBlue1507 · 07/07/2016 13:28

Why not just ask DH outright to go and get more from the pharmacy instead of expecting him to be able to read your mind?

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Tryingtostayyoung · 07/07/2016 15:37

So just read through all the posts, I don't think I was being precious and the people who said that I had 4 hours why was I worried, I was worried because really when i get a migraine the best thing for it is to just go to bed but then I would have had to get up and go to the shop when by this time it would have been about 10 at night and as my migraines usually go, would have been loads worse (always worse for me at night) and I suppose it just upset me that knowing all this he didn't just say, go to sleep and before you wake up I will go get the pills so when the four hours is up you will have your pills, I wouldn't have hesitated to do this for him.

I'm not annoyed, or fuming as some peoplehave suggested, just was wondering if most people would have done what I would have done or not.

OP posts:

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Tryingtostayyoung · 07/07/2016 15:38

JessicasElephant This was my thinking

OP posts:

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MrsDoylesTeaParty · 07/07/2016 15:50

My DP would go for me without even thinking so don't think you're unreasonable about that, it's just what you do when partner is ill. But he does seem like a nice, caring chap in general, maybe just didn't understand how severe and debilitating migaines are?

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YorkieDorkie · 07/07/2016 20:28

my poor hamster DH

Apologies for "sweeping statement" but I stand by what I meant - and other have echoed it!

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GirlSailor · 07/07/2016 22:16

I hope my DP doesn't read this thread and think the appropriate response to me getting a migraine is to say 'your medication, your problem'.

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branofthemist · 08/07/2016 06:59

You see when I want someone to do something for me, I ask them outright.

I don't ask random questions and hope to get the answer I want.

That just leads to both sides getting pissed off.

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GirlSailor · 08/07/2016 20:21

When I have a migraine I can't see because of flashing lights, I get confused and sometimes can't form proper sentences. I'm in pain and feel sick. I would find it hard to ask someone to do something.

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Houseworkavoider · 08/07/2016 21:40

I don't think yabu, but (!) I don't think your Dh is U either
If someone asked me to help locate their
migraine meds, I would drop everything and help them.
Maybe your Dh has no idea..
I wouldn't have thought migraines were anything other than bad headaches before I started to suffer from them.

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ricketytickety · 08/07/2016 21:44

Well, my advice is to ask for something if you want it. He wasn't being unkind, just didn't realise what you wanted I think. Just ask him next time to pop to the pharmacy for you because it's a bad migraine.

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MammaTJ · 08/07/2016 21:51

I think there is not a desperation like that of someone in the throws of a genuine migraine and he could have been more sympathetic.

I also get that he did not want to stop what he was doing, get clean enough to come into the house, to search for the tablets.

He could have reassured you he would have done so by the time you were allowed them though, for that he was BU!

No way should you even contemplate having to go to the shop to get some more yourself if you had got up still feeling as bad. He does not understand the nature of the beast if he thinks you could have done that.

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TowerRavenSeven · 08/07/2016 21:52

Yikes. I get awful migraines and use special meds too. It would not cross my mind for dh to start looking for them for me without me asking. He doesn't know my dosage, etc.

Every script I get I put one pill in my purse, in my work bag, in my car, and the rest in the med. cabinet. I try to remember to have water on me at all times. That way if I'm not home there is no way I'm without my meds. In the nicest way I suggest you do the same!

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TowerRavenSeven · 08/07/2016 22:03

Wait a minute. We're these prescription pills or something to buy over the counter in a pharmacy? If it were the latter I would have just asked him to buy them. He 'might' ask me if he could get them for me but if it were over the counter he'd assume I'd already have some stockpiled somewhere.

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branofthemist · 09/07/2016 07:21

I would find it hard to ask someone to do something.

that might be the case for you. But the op managed to ask him two questions. Neither of which were 'can you help me find my meds?'

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OpalMagnus · 01/09/2016 19:57

I can see why you felt that way OP. Asking outright is probably the best thing to do in situations like these. I tend to ask for things vaguely because my mother always did. I remember the first time she asked me to pick up iced tea on my way home one day. She was completely frustrated when I didn't do it every day after that. You live and learn!

But yes, it's taken me time to recognize the world doesn't act like my mother. Most people want to and should be asked outright.

Although, it seems a woman would do something like get their husband pills naturally when feeling unwell. I think men tend to not put two and two together in situations like these. Women just empathize more.