MIL advice please - light hearted

[Unicorntrainer]

Happily, I am about to become a MIL for the first time in a few weeks. MIL stories, and things I should or shouldn't do?

OP i think you are a saint already for taking all these comments about DIL when you said that you are the mother of the bride and the groom will be your SIL, yet no one listens!
maybe that is why there are so many contentious relationships between DIL's and MIL'S!

Sorry folks, don't think I made it clear at the beginning that my dd is getting married. Her OH is grateful for anything I do re presents, babysitting and lifts. I don't get involved in disputes, and they know that I am only a phone call away but don't impose myself on them. But sometimes he doesn't get my MIL humour 😀

People on Mumsnet assume that a) a mil is the man's mother because men don't have mils, they have "my mum" who is wonderful, gand b) that mils will be crap, and that everything they say and do has evil intent, even when it clearly doesn't. It absolutely bloody awful and depressing. And I hate it when people say this, but I am going to say it - I am actually dreading my son having a wife or partner. I think it was the "don't ring when the baby's asleep. Actually don't ring at all" that really put the tin hat on it for me. Imagine giving someone that as advice!

That is hideous Bertrand. He does see me as his FMIL, he sees more of me than he sees his DMn

Well, OP I just hope that you and your future SON IN LAW listen to each other rather better than the way most of the posters on this thread have read what you posted.

If you just do that your relationship will probably work out fine.

I think the reason why there is a bias towards assuming MILs are mother of the son is because the majority of posters on MN are women, so usually it is a woman posting in the OP.

I missed the bit about motb because I didn't know what that meant but assumed the other posters did who were posting about mil/dils

Anyway, everything I said still applies to mothers of daughters. My DM can also be very difficult and it made having a baby so much harder.

Basically just be respectful and kind and treat your DD and SIL like adults and you'll be fine

you're still her DM but remember that she's starting her new family with in-laws etc and it can be a weird time for everyone. If she moans about her DH keep a non-committal 'mmm' and never, ever agree that he's a waste of space.

Don't just phone your dd when her dh is at work.
If you accidentally phone when he is in and he answers, ask him how he is instead of immediately saying "Oh is dd there".
When visiting, don't ignore him. And should he managed to engage you in conversation after several increasingly desperate attempts, don't use it as an opportunity to shoot him down in flames if he gets something wrong about the topic you have deigned to discuss.
On their wedding day, if you have the misfortune to be suffering from a headache, have the grace to nail a smile to your face for the day instead of sitting with your head in your hands and flinching at any loud noise. If it's really that bad, absent yourself - everybody will understand. Also, don't wear black. Repeat if you have another dc who is getting married.

"Don't just phone your dd when her dh is at work."

Bearing in mind that a previous poster advised not to phone when the baby was asleep, or better still not to phone at all, I would think phoning your child when the partner was at work would be an extremely sensible precaution against hurt. Oh, I forgot, mills aren't allowed to feel hurt by anything...............

I am getting used to DD having 'another mother' in her life, and get on brilliantly with her OH. We tend to message rather than phone and catch up properly when we see each other. Sorry for the confusion, still quite new at this but all advice gratefully received..

And definitely not wearing black reallywittyname by personal choice 😀

Bertrand it's just that my mum only phones me when she knows dh isn't here, and if he answers the phone to her she's not really interested in talking to her . I have no idea why. Strangely she also does it to my sister-in-law when she phones them - just wants to speak to my brother. It's weird and a bit sad.