To not want to pay for DS?

[Grayloco]

ExH and I have as little contact as possible with each other since our divorce 3 years ago, we just bring out the absolute worst in each other.

We have a 9 year old DS together but our finances are completely separate, neither of us gives the other any sort of child maintenance etc or any money whatsoever. DS splits his time weekly between us, if he needs something whichever one of us he's staying with pays for it etc

For this summer we paid for DS to spend a week at summer camp the cost was £449 and we split it 50/50.

I received an email last night from ExH that he wants to take DS away on holiday with his DP & her children, would I be willing to pay half the cost for DS, which is a little over £300.

We've always paid for holidays with DS separately & only split the cost if it's solely for DS, like the camp.

I'm taking DS away to visit family in Aberdeen later in the summer, so I'd much rather save up for that & have a great trip then give £300 and then be on a budget whilst we're away.

AIBU to just say no.

God no! You don't pay your ex for family holidays! 😮

Of course YANBU, why the hell is he asking? I would simply say what you've said here, that this has never been the deal and it is nonsensical to pay for each other's holidays.

Tell him you'll need £300 from him towards the holiday you have planned and call it quits.

What an odd request!!

YADNBU. I agree -ask him if he is willing, in return, to contribute to your holiday later on in the year. £300 should cover it.

He's never asked before, we keep our contact as minimal as possible, it's always email and short and to the point, so it's not like we're friendly enough for him to ask, only reason I'm considering it is because I wouldn't want DS to be left behind if they all went on holiday. It would be exactly like him to blame it on me if DS asks why they all went away without him

The cheek!

No away should you pay.

Reply:

Of course I will. And you will need to pay £300 towards his holiday with me and mine later in the year.

Or:

Don't be silly. That is your holiday with him, I will be having mine wih him later. Would you want to pay for that?

Anything to point out how weird that request is...

It would be exactly like him to blame it on me if DS asks why they all went away without him

To which you reply: Never mind love, we will go on holiday later. Daddy is just being a bit silly/skint/fuckwitted at the moment

Glad to know I'm not being Unreasonable, I'll email back with a no

Don't be silly. That is your holiday with him, I will be having mine wih him later. Would you want to pay for that?

^ reply this!

No way!! That £300 could go towards your holiday with son.

I wonder why the sudden request? Do you think his new DP has said thats how it works with her ex so it should work like that with you?

How bloody cheeky! Yanbu in the slightest.

Nope. Don't pay it.

I wonder why the sudden request? Do you think his new DP has said thats how it works with her ex so it should work like that with you?

Exactly what I was wondering.

It would explain the sudden descent into weirdness.

What an odd request! Did he reply op?

Say yes. Then tell him that you'll need £300 for Aberdeen later in the year. Hopefully he'll realise how absurd this all is.

I would organise a trip to the Bahamas (anywhere stupidly expensive), ask him for half

Let DP pay the other half. If you want to go away together does X pay half? If they can't pay it use that cash for you and DS.

FFS, why can't people just be nice to each other!

Definitely NBU. He can pay for the holiday for his son.

Sorry guys, I just replied with a no, he has replied & it's pretty clear that if I don't pay DS doesn't get to go and he's justified that by saying that technically he's already paid for DS to go away this summer (for the camp) & he's likely to go away with me, so missing a holiday won't 'kill him', those are his actual words.

I've replied back with if that's his decision then that's up to him.

No reply so far, but I'm not really expecting much.

Good for you. That is his decision. he has decided not to take his son on holiday. And can i just say ha fucking ha that he actually even acknowledges that you will also be taking DS away. So he knows you will already be paying for a holiday. Why on earth would you be paying half of his holiday with DS? i would guess he has come into money issues or his new partner is throwing down some new rules about how its going to work now.

Dont engage with him any further. You've given him your answer. Youre providing DS with a holiday already as well as his camp holiday. Dont be guilted into subbing him!

That sounds like a deliberate attempt to blame you. He had no intention of taking him in the first place.
Take him on holiday yourself - you won't be the bad guy.

I definetly won't be backing down, I just struggle to look at things objectively when it comes to him, so thought perhaps most people would pay just so DS wouldn't miss out, glad to see that that's not the case.

I think it is down to money issues, he's been asking if DS can drop a few activities for a while now & he refused DS when he asked to go to a theme park for his birthday.

I'm almost sure he's hasn't lost his job, I think he's just now having to pay for more people instead of just him & DS but that's up to him & it shouldn't effect our current arrangement.