To not want to pay for DS?

[Grayloco]

ExH and I have as little contact as possible with each other since our divorce 3 years ago, we just bring out the absolute worst in each other.

We have a 9 year old DS together but our finances are completely separate, neither of us gives the other any sort of child maintenance etc or any money whatsoever. DS splits his time weekly between us, if he needs something whichever one of us he's staying with pays for it etc

For this summer we paid for DS to spend a week at summer camp the cost was £449 and we split it 50/50.

I received an email last night from ExH that he wants to take DS away on holiday with his DP & her children, would I be willing to pay half the cost for DS, which is a little over £300.

We've always paid for holidays with DS separately & only split the cost if it's solely for DS, like the camp.

I'm taking DS away to visit family in Aberdeen later in the summer, so I'd much rather save up for that & have a great trip then give £300 and then be on a budget whilst we're away.

AIBU to just say no.

Email back and ask if he has sorted out childcare for the time he would of had ds

^^yes to this!

Eve, I didn't think of that, since we share custody on a weekly basis, I just assumed he'd go away when it was my week to have DS and be back in time but this has never happened before, so I really shouldn't assume anything

Can't think why he's an ex?!

What a Git!

Of course you don't pay anything towards a holiday the other parent takes them on!

That's before you question the fact that he wants £300. So he's saying £600 is the cost of taking one additional child on a family holiday - where are they going?

If he doesn't take him, I'd be firing off a few emails asking why he was prioritising HER children over his own?

Tho it may be tempting, I wouldn't ask him if he's sorted childcare for your son while he's away - that could get twisted and passed to your son to sound like you're keen for your son to be away from you, even if not with his dad.

My ex-DH's new partner used to do this - suggesting to my kids that they were with them as a favour, so I could have time off having them, rather than to spend time with their dad (which was definitely the point of it)!

I know I should stand up for DS & call out ExH on his behaviour, he should be focusing and paying for his own child before anyone else but that's a road I don't want to travel, it's taken us so long to get to this cold war stalemate position that we're in & I don't want to wipe away all that progress.

He'll have to sort out childcare but I won't bring it up just yet, I'll mention it when they've booked everything, so I know that it's definite thing.