To be FURIOUS with MIL??

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Name changed for obvious reasons.

My baby is 3months old. I had a difficult birth and not an enjoyable time having him at all.

There are very few photos taken of us both during and after the birth (ECS) and the ones that were taken are extremely private and special to me.

Yesterday me and DH got tagged in a post on Facebook.
It's a video, like a slideshow of photos.
You guessed it, those photos are on there. There's one of DS straight after the birth, still covered in birth goo and there's one of me holding him straight after the birth (whilst I was haemorrhaging but didn't know yet) so obviously, I look like shit.

Me and DH were both shocked to see these private photos online and DH asked her to take them down. He said that we like the video and it would be lovely, if it wasn't on Facebook, and if she would mind taking it down.

Her reply was something like this "I've taken it down. (Which she hasn't) don't worry, I know that these aren't your words and this hasn't came from you. I won't put anything on Facebook again, you can be sure of that!!! And by the way, User has photos of DS in hospital on her Facebook so I didn't see why it would be such an issue."
The photos I've put on are when DS was a few days old to announce his birth. Not when he was first born covered in gunk!

AIBU to be furious at this?? The video is still there!

Think carefully when you give photos to family and friends as they are quite likely to be shared and shown to others.
This whole situation could have been diffused by your mil apologising and removing the photos so she is in the wrong here and owes you an apology.

However, if you can move on from this and remain civil with your mil then make efforts to do so. This could otherwise escalate into a long feud, with your dh stuck in the middle.

Agree she shoukd have removed when you asked but I am a bit about reporting to Facebook. Best for your DH to have a word and explain how you both feel about them being up there. Reporting on official channels would surely just escalate things.

I bet she doesn't have a clue how to remove them.
I'd send OH round to hers to do it with the "just helping you mum cos I know you'd never want to upset us at such a special time". She can hardly disagree with her darling son .

I think you are being slightly unreasonable. I have photos of me straight after the birth looking like shit clutching a goo covered baby but I put those up. It wasn't really a time in my life I was expecting to look anything other than shit and I'm not embarrassed about that.

How rude! Just because you were ok doesn't mean the OP should be!

OP, this is absolutely awful for your MIL to do this. I had a similar problem with my mum posting and tagging me in naked photographs of me taken when I was 10 as a joke on my birthday. She also said she would take them down and didn't - claiming she didn't understand that untagging me was different to deleting. It caused a huge uproar because she "has the right to put on facebook what she wants and I can't control her". Ugh.

Badger your OH to speak to her again and to get them removed. Contact Facebook. Message her back to say you have a right to control your own image, you have requested that facebook remove it - and if she doesn't then facebook may take action against her account (block/suspend it). That's what I had to do to get my mum to take those pics down.

Exactly French. They've been on there for so long now that all of her Facebook friends will have seen it if they wanted to. None of mine or DH friends can see them because we have untagged ourselves so it's not on our feeds.

I'm happy to move on as if this hasn't happened, we get on well usually (at least I thought we did!) I don't know why she's being so funny about it! Its certainly not worth us all falling out over I'm just really angry with the reply that she gave to DH! Making out that it's all me and my thoughts. Honestly!

I think that if they are so personal it's odd that you shared them with her tbh.

Having been given them, perhaps she thought that you didn't care who saw them?

She should just have removed them when asked though.

Yanbu. The photos were yours to post. I get that she's pleased to have new grandchild but she needs to srep back. As for the comment that it was you that said it, my mil does this all the time. If my partner sends her a text that she doesn't like etc she'll immediately say that it was obviously me that wrote it. No amount of telling her would change her mind. I guess it's up to your dh to keep telling her.

YANBU. I would be furious too! Make sure your DH makes it clear it is not just you but a joint decision.

There are probably a million other lovely pics of your DS that she could post. Pics of your baby covered in poo and goo will not go down very well when he hits puberty and wants to be 'cool' among his friends.

I had a similar situation, before we announced our pregnancy but after the 12 week scan, my mum posted on Facebook 'I want to tell all family and friends that I'm going to be a granny'. I cried I was so angry with her, I rang her and demanded she took it down and she first claimed she didn't know how, and then got arsey with me saying 'well how long do you expect me to wait?. I shouted at her saying 'how do you think I f**king feel mum? It's my baby and I've had to hide it from every single person I talk to. I want people to find out from ME'. So she took it down and we never spoke about it again.

What I'm saying in my story is, it's in your right to be furious with her and sometimes you've got to be hard on them. I've NEVER spoken to my mum like that but she had to hear it for her to listen to me.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby and I'm sorry it wasn't a good experience! x

YANBU at all!!!!!!

Totally not on.
My dd&dsil have always said they don't want any pics of dgd on facebook ever. Although all my other friends put pictures up of their dgc's, there is no way I would go against my dd&dsil's wishes. DD and I aren't facebook 'friends' so in theory she wouldn't know if I did put some up, but I just wouldn't. Ever. I get a zillion pics on whatsapp of dgd and friend's and family see those (which is fine by dd&dsil) but what your MIL did is not on. She should have asked if you were ok with her putting them on. Bad form.

Oh and forgot to say congratulations on you ds. Sorry you had such a rough time

Thank you Karabi

I had a similar experience with MIL sister after DS had been born! She announced to the world and tagged me and DH in it that I'd had him and went into all of the gory details of what went wrong as well

We had the same reaction when we asked her to take it down too but I was more angry with her than what I am now.
She's seen DS once when DH took him round, I've not seen or spoken to her since.

I don't want the same to happen between me and MIL though. I'd like us to remain friends.

It's rude to have a different opinion on an issue? Rightio.

MIL problems ahead, I'm afraid.

The PA comment about how you tell your husband what to say and he does your bidding was just nasty and completely unnecessary.

Please make sure you and DH get on the same page and present a united front towards any future nonsense from MIL. I hate to say it, but this could be just the beginning of more trouble from her.

Speaking from bitter experience, I doubt this will be a one-off battle of wills with her. I never answered mine back and tried to kill her with kindness. She just got nastier and bolder.

If you get the photos/videos down, you could draw a line under that incident, but keep your radar up for more mind-games.

Congratulations on your baby!

*MIL problems ahead, I'm afraid.

The PA comment about how you tell your husband what to say and he does your bidding was just nasty and completely unnecessary.*

Agreed. Good luck.

Well she should be removing them
since she was asked so in that yanbu but unless she was told not to to put them on I don't get all the fuss about her putting them on in the first place from some posters here.

this makes my skin crawl. I had an emcs to and was in for 3 days with no signal. When I got out, Facebook was flooded with images of my ds. I had to tell mil to calm it down, every time she came over she was putting photos on Facebook. The final straw for me was photos she'd uploads but not tagged me in, just casually catching up on my feed and my sons picture is there. No. Just no.

YADNBU my mother did similar to my DSIL.

I fear you are right fatty, I'll be on my guard for future events. DH has told me that she's made a few comments about my mum as well so I think there are issues between us that are festering under the surface.
I'll have to watch this space I guess.
DH said that this is just what she's like. She's been like it for as long as he can remember but he said that DS and me will always come first as a unit. (Thank God!)

The PA comment about how you tell your husband what to say and he does your bidding was just nasty and completely unnecessary.

I agree, and think your DH should try to nip this in the bud by making it clear that he thinks she was in the wrong to do this - and that it's his own opinion, not simply agreeing with you, iyswim.

That's great news, OP (that your DH knows what is going on and you are planning to operate as a unit) as it really will make all the difference.

I have several friends who were under a silence rule on FB and were dying to share their impending granny hood . Once released from silence some of them did go OTT with photos then suddenly slow right down so I suspect reining granny in is a fairly common thing. This is the first generation where people share so much so widely on the net so I guess it isn't too surprising there's no given etiquette and limits need to be spelt out.

As a grandma of 4 (I have 3 DC) I wouldn't dream of putting on FB any photo I'd been sent privately! Birth and new baby are such intimate things it's up to the parents who they share them with. YADNBU!

YANBU to be furious but you absolutely must tell people not to share on FB when giving them photos.