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Original poster

Swearing in front of kids (on public transport)

75 replies

Kittencatkins123 · 05/07/2016 21:52

This morning I was talking to two friend/colleagues on the train about my gran who is in early stages of dementia Sad

Emotional topic (tbf I am also quite loud) especially as I was just up staying with her at the weekend, and swore when trying to explain something she does on loop

Mum sitting with her two young kids at the table next to ours told me off for swearing saying 'they soak it up'

I felt very violently angry towards her for several minutes! (Didn't say anything)

Appreciate she may not have known what we were talking about though I am quite loud but made me wonder what your thoughts are on swearing in front of kids (obvs in an unconscious, not thinking way)?

Also I'm feeling sad about my Gran so could use a few cyber hugs if you have any Sad

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 05/07/2016 23:29

Thank you for the medal milpool Hmm

I think I'm allowed to state my case on here?

I don't agree with swearing when children are in earshot - why the need for sarcasm milpool?

Cabrinha · 05/07/2016 23:30

I can't work out if you're being deliberately coy about it being shit or fuck, or if you don't know - but know it could have been either.

I consider fuck to be worse than shit, but actually fuck would be "easier" with my child as it's rude enough not to be on her radar yet! Shit, would get an excited and slightly priggish "mummy that's swearing!"

minipie · 05/07/2016 23:31

Ok, that really wouldn't bother me.

It's more the loud teenagers where every other word is fuck. Hate that.

KimberlySnark · 05/07/2016 23:36

Seriously, it's just a swear word. Flowers to you OP.

I don't think children tend to pick up on a word they hear once on a bus. The young kids I know that swear do so as they hear it a lot at home, same thing on repeat.

My preschooler has heard me swear maybe a handful of times - not at her but when having a conversation near her, bastard tax returns and has heard people swear In public lots - it goes over her head as she isn't tuned in to it. I admit, I have winced a little if they're really close and being particularly coarse, but that's life and I wouldn't say anything unless it became intimidating or went on for a long time. Life doesn't revolve around my little one's delicate ears Hmm

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2016 23:38

I think in your position I would have apologised and then forgot about it.

You did apologise, all you need to do now is forget about it.

Mind you, in her position I wouldn't have pulled you up over one swear word. If you were sat there loudly effing and blinding in front of my young kids, I might have said something...but actually I probably would have just moved away from you.

Cagliostro · 05/07/2016 23:38

I used to get annoyed about it (we don't drive so the DCs have grown up on buses) but I just shrug it off now. They know they are bad words, they just ignore. TBH the swearwords they heard at primary school made more of an impact on them, as it was their peers using them.

DD sometimes asks me "Mum, why do teenagers swear more than grown ups?" :o

LordyMe · 05/07/2016 23:39

I think it's out of order to swear in front of kids and I've often asked people to stop when I'm on the train. I always ask politely though. I've actually never had a bad response even when I've asked big groups of drunk lads. I've had people let the odd swear word slip out after I've asked them to stop but I don't min as long as they are trying.

I swear and don't have an issue with people swearing but it's unnecessary when you are out and about. I feel sorry for people who can't control their swearing.

Original poster
Kittencatkins123 · 05/07/2016 23:41

I can't really remember - but would lean towards 'fuck' as not sure she would have said anything about 'shit'?

So maybe she was in order saying something, but it did feel a bit harsh and the context (which she obviously might not have been aware of) didn't help.

But I think I'm pretty emo anyway at the mo.

Get emotional, swear, get told off, feel angry, post about it on MN, get emotional again. It's an emotional circle!

Thanks for kind words.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/07/2016 23:45

It always makes me smile when someone says their toddler shouted, "shit" "bollocks" "fuck" or "cunt"...and there's a chorus of Mumsnetters saying, "Well where on earth did they hear that from if not in the home"?

I sit here thinking, do they never take their kids on public transport or to a busy town center? Confused

Sorry that was a bit of a tangent but this thread made me think of it Lol.

BackforGood · 05/07/2016 23:51

When I was growing up, if anyone swore in front of children, (or ladies, but I'm not going to open that can of worms on MN) they would be told off by everyone else around them. I certainly don't think today's world is an improvement. There are people that can't open their mouths without obscenities coming out, and who genuinely don't seem to be able to put a phrase together without them. I hate it. OK, so that wasn't you today, but maybe if more people challenged swearing, it would be better for all of us that are out and about in public, so we didn't have to listen to foul language all the time.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2016 23:54

When I was growing up, if anyone swore in front of children, (or ladies, but I'm not going to open that can of worms on MN) they would be told off by everyone else around them.

Same when I was growing up.

In fact, my parents used to take us to the local Working Men's club on a weekend (another MN can of worms) and members could get barred for using bad language in front of women and children Grin

Waltermittythesequel · 06/07/2016 00:24

Just because you don't like bad language doesn't mean it's not ok though.

English people are weirdly offended by this. To me anyway.

In my neck of the woods it's really not that big a deal.

sizeofalentil · 06/07/2016 00:34

Nosy cow shouldn't have been earwigging in on your conversation. She's going to have a tough time of life if she tries to prevent swears from ever reaching her kids' ears. She should teach them that sometimes grown ups swear and when they are a grown up they can decide for themselves what language they use.

Just wait until her kids learn to read and start spelling out all the interesting words written on park benches.

corythatwas · 06/07/2016 00:40

I am not fussed about swearing as such, but if you were loud and a little emotional you may have come across as aggressive and frightened the children.

Hellochicken · 06/07/2016 00:58

I tell people not to swear in earshot of my children, when they do, on public transport and in parks etc
Most people can control when they swear, eg in my work, "members of public" very rarely swear, even though every day I am discussing with them very emotional topics. They do this out of respect (prob misplaced, but anyway). I find it weird that most people can control it infront of me but say fuck, etc, infront of my children.

Sorry to hear about your gran's diagnosis Flowers. My gran isn't very well either atm and I haven't seen her for ages and miss her Sad. Cyberhug from me.

kali110 · 06/07/2016 01:56

So sorry about your gran op.
I don't think ywnu. I wouldn't have apologised.
You weren't full on swearing at people! Flowers

PurpleTango · 06/07/2016 02:24

I feel really sorry for people who can't control their language tbh. I live in a staunch labour constituency - No frills here! I have nursed my mum, who has alzheimers, for 6 years. Not once have I felt the need to swear in front of my mum or my 5 children. Is the use of foul language the "norm" where you live OP? Did your parent(s) use vulgarities around you as they raised you? Our history plays an important part of who we are as adults. Sorry to hear about your nan. Dementia is cruel! No need for profanities in front of young children though. We learn what we live at the end of the day.

TowerRavenSeven · 06/07/2016 02:41

I have had people swear in a public place in front of my children and I have called them on it. So while I sympathize, I think YWBU.

birb · 06/07/2016 02:50

I think she drew more attention to it by calling you out on it, I doubt the kids would have noticed if she hadn't. I don't like swearing in front of my kids, but if people do I just don't draw attention to it. But it's not worth feeling violently angry towards her.

So sorry about your gran, OP. I know how crushing dementia is for family members Flowers

muddypuddled · 06/07/2016 02:58

Sorry about your grandma. Dementia is a horrible disease.

I would have been annoyed if you were swearing in front of my 3 year old however as he repeats EVERYTHING that he hears. Although if it were just the once I wouldn't have said anything because it's drawing attention to something he shouldn't be doing and by me commenting on it he would inevitably want to know what was wrong! In short, you should watch your language around children but she was bu by telling you off for swearing once.

goldwrapped · 06/07/2016 05:40

^what sizeofalentil said
OMG. Honestly- you guys would really 'tell someone off' for swearing in front of your kids? I'm truly horrified. Surprised you have the time after wrapping them in cotton wool.
I love to swear, if anyone commented on my swearing I would swear louder.
I'm so sorry about your Gran. Big hugs and love xx

ApocalypseSlough · 06/07/2016 05:46

Was she just saying something because you're assumedly not threatening? I've noticed a very marked increase in overheard swearing over the last few years. I can't believe it was the first time she'd been exposed to swearing.
Sorry about your Gran Flowers

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 06/07/2016 05:49

I can't believe these parents who think they have any right at all go challenge anyone on anything they say and do!

Someone swears at your kid, fine, that's not on. But to go over to someone who isn't talking to you to tell them not to swear, because you have kids with you is astoundingly rude! What gives you the right to dictate what people can and cannot say?! Being a parent?! Utter rubbish!

Bet you wouldn't like it if someone came to you and said that your little darlings were being loud and annoying so make them be quiet!

Just teach kids not to repeat bad language that they hear, it's really not that difficult!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 06/07/2016 05:51

In short, you should watch your language around children

No, you shouldn't! Your own kids, fine, but in public?! It's the parents job to explain to kids why you don't want them to use those words, not try to censor everyone else!

It's like people have children and then the whole bloody world owes them a favour!

BertrandRussell · 06/07/2016 06:14

I am sorry about your gran.

But I hate swearing in public-children or no children. If it's "just words" why not say different words?

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