What unreasonable things do you wish you could do but know you can't?

[Writerwannabe83]

My toddler is napping, we've had a lot of sleep issues lately and him napping is a huge achievement, and the three children who live next door are out in the garden and they are playing and screaming at the top of their voices!!! Their garden is below my DS's bedroom.

I really want to go and tell them all to STFU but thankfully I know I'd be really unreasonable to do so

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Go to one of my neighbours gardens, take the football that the kids thump thump thump constantly against the wall and fence.

Plunge a kitchen knife into the ball and shout "Go and play in the fucking park"

[IonaNE]

Reformat the hard drive on which England's education system can be found, and reinstall it the way I want - to make teaching a rewarding profession with excellent work-life balance, like in (some) other countries.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Tell my DD that she can't be friends with the girl on our road because she's a whiny little spoilt brat a bit difficult.

Unfortunately DD can be friends with whoever she likes and I'm a decent non-controlling human being.... Shame

[LorettaCalisto]

Anyone who sells or serves me shit food should just have to eat gruel for the rest of their lives (no idea what gruel is, but it sounds about right)

[suspiciousofgoldfish]

Kick a pigeon. Brilliant.

I wish I could

Smash whatever I fancied, in a rage, while washing up.

Leave the house, shut the door and drive off whenever the kids are being tiresome.

Smoke a cigarette in the bath. Or just smoke a cigarette. Can't now due to the fact that smoking is No Longer Cool and is actually Really Bad For You.

[suspiciousofgoldfish]

Kick a pigeon. Brilliant.

I wish I could

Smash whatever I fancied, in a rage, while washing up.

Leave the house, shut the door and drive off whenever the kids are being tiresome.

Smoke a cigarette in the bath. Or just smoke a cigarette. Can't now due to the fact that smoking is No Longer Cool and is actually Really Bad For You.

[BusyNothings]

As a responsible dog owner I'd love to post dog poo that isn't picked up through the owners letter box. Or lob it at their heads.

It gives the rest of us a bad name and drives me insane!

[RaspberryOverload]

LorettaCalisto Gruel

[notthedressiwanted]

I wish I could ring the church bells when we go to playgroup there.
Drive into a wall to see what it feels like.
Run around naked in the garden with such abandonment as my preschool Dd does
Tell my Dss and Dsd to not bother getting in touch if it's only for something they want.....

[FeralBeryl]

I'd rather like to tip my mother in law out of the window.
In my defence, we usually only see her for a night or two at a time which is entirely bearable, but an accident has meant that she has been staying winding everyone up terribly with us for 3 weeks. With a potential extra 3 weeks to come.

[LorettaCalisto]

Thanks Raspberry - that looks suitably disgusting.
And now I'd like to expand the gruel-eating to anyone who does their job without thinking about the end result. Shoddy incompetence!
Bit grumpy tonight

[dogsdieinhotcars]

As a nurse, I would occasionally like to tell winging, not really ill patients (usually younger generation) to SHUT THE FUCK UP! And drag them to the old lady in the room nearby who is dying and not bloody moaning one bit. But I never would.

[BusyNothings]

I'd like to smack the cocky doctor who has been trying and failing to take my blood for the last hour. I told him my veins are a nightmare. Fully explained. Now on double digits for number of stabby holes and bloody hell it hurts in your wrist!

But not to worry cocky doctor never fails! He can even get blood from babies.

[WanderingNotLost]

I'd love to have a mute button for the kids where I live. They will frequently be heard screaming- and I do mean screaming- until 9 pm or later, in the summer. It means we have to have our balcony door and windows shut if we want to stand a chance of hearing the tv or each other

I often fantasise about having a giant inflatable hammer with me wherever I go, and if people walk too slowly in front of me or cut across me I will bop them on the head with it.

[imother]

I'd like to go to work tomorrow and fire my boss then run the company properly.

Oh and while I'm at it, I'll run the country properly too.

no delusions of grandeur here at all. None

[CazM2012]

Go back to work, be out of the house for several hours a day doing something that feels like people give a shit about and being appreciated...I feel pathetic for even writing that down!

[NickCleggsSlippers]

Some days I work from home, with my office being on the second floor above the street. We live round the corner from a primary/reception school, so at 3:15pm every week day they come trotting down the road and dangle round outside my windows screaming blue murder. Just once I would like to get away with shouting FUCK OFF out the window.

I would also like to boil the kettle and throw it out the window at the boy with a really noisy scooter that scoots up and down the road all day every weekend starting at 7am and finishing at 8pm.



I acknowledge that I am a horrible person

[WickedLazy]

Our whole street gets on great, no trouble except one neighbour who complains about everything and anything, has rung the police about the most trivial stuff, yet isn't exactly perfect himself. I get all sorts of wacky revenge ideas about him. He complained about people in the street (including us) who put flags out for the anniversary of the battle of the Somme. I had a great daydream that I could wait until 3am and tee pee his house with hundreds of flags. And imagining the look on his face the next day.

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

goldfish Yy to the smoking. But as this is a fantasy thread I'm going to be back on 20 a day for full unreasonableness

[StrawberryQuik]

imother I did a politics degree and used to quie enjoy assigning various course mates to head different government departments in my imaginary new world order. I was humble though and always let my best friend be PM and gave myself education instead.

I like the sound of an inflatable hammer.

[AristotlesTrousers]

I'd like to use a cattle prod on people who walk too slowly and don't let you get past. Grrr.

[Ezzie29]

Ban tourists from getting the bus during rush hour so poor locals like me don't have to stand

Ban tourists from walking in a big huddle blocking everyone from getting past and stopping every second to take photos of the most inane things, like a plain wooden bench that looks like every other plain wooden bench ever made

Basically anything to do with annoying tourists...summer is a nightmare!

[chocolateworshipper]

I would burn down next door's basketball hoop. Especially as the kids only seem to enjoy using it at 7.00 on a Sunday morning

[Writerwannabe83]

To scream at people who lick their fingers when shuffling through sheets of paper that they must stop being so bloody disgusting!

I can't bear it!

I had to sit next to someone at work today who did this and I seriously felt like heaving...

[PartyCityGhoul]

I would like to take to a more comfortable bed than mine for a week with a large screen playing Netflix, and chainsmoke in bed i miss smoking in bed

I'd also like to shove people who loudly and aggressively complain about how it's ridiculous it's so busy on the tube and how people are crowding them, off the tube. It's the northern line, it's Tuesday, it's 8.30am. You knew what you were getting into. Put up, shut up or get off. I don't think that one is unreasonable though, just tricky to manage.