Long story and trigger warning.
I don't post on here often but often lurk.
When me daughter was nearly four she made an accusation that Grandad had touched her in her special place and wee'd on her and told her to keep it a secret. Grandad at the time had walked out on his second wife (so not MIL) for another woman and was living with us.
We went to the police and social services. A full investigation took place. Full medical relealed no penetration to daughter. He denied everything, then made up stories about me to social services being an unfit parent. The case never went to court, so he was free to get on with his life. We cut all contact obviously. Been very hard for hubby as you can imagine. He misses his dad and daughters accusation vague enough to leave some doubt at first.
Since then daughter been to counselling where she showed further alarming behaviour indicative of abuse.
3 years on now. We still have no contact. Daughter now nearly 7 and I don't think she remembers the abuse but in the last three years we've had so many instances of inappropriate behaviour, including touching another child inappropriately on a play date, asking to touch other girls privates all the times, being over sexualised, exposing herself as that will help them like her etc etc etc. Hubby and I both now in no doubt that she was abused or at the very least was being very heavily groomed and we stopped it in time. (That's what I pray for)
Ok so onto the AIBU!!
MIL has been through all this with us. She was with us when daughter was interviewed by the police. She was there when police told us they had no doubt in their mind father in law was a person not to be trusted with children, and that he had some nasty but not illegal porn on his laptop, she has seen our tears and my husbands tears. She has been with us every step of the way. But she is still friends with him. He walked out on her for a younger model 17 years ago after many affairs including one with a 17 year old. But she worrys he's lonely so has him round for dinner (MIL is remarried so dinner for three!) they call and text each other and she keeps him up to date on our lives too which makes me feel sick.
Last Christmas she had him and my sister in law round for christmas dinner while we were at home on our own (we always spend Christmas with her normally) but she said we have each other and he has no one. We were around for dinner yesterday and he called when we were there and it just really wound me up!!! Sister in law and all of my husband family have stuck by father in law and cut us off, (sister in law not cut us off but instead keeps asking DH when he's going to get back in touch with dad and telling him how hard life is for dad and how much he misses DH etc) but MIL has tried to stay neutral but it's really not working for us!!
AIBU to be cross she hasn't cut him off??