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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry and WWYD?

61 replies

Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 20:37

My two DSD's learnt to swim last year - we paid for a few lessons and we also take them a lot (and I try to help/teach them) as their mum (who I have a good relationship with) doesn't (I think) like swimming and they never go with her. They are 9 and 11.

A few times recently they have gone in and we have watched from the side they piss about a bit and just splash each other, have tried to dunk each other and don't really swim - when they have ventured into the deep end the life guard always sends them back to the shallow end as they are clearly not strong swimmers.

Am really concerned to see photos of them swimming in the deep river near their house with strong currents and their mum clearly taking pictures from the house a good way away and them jumping of the jetty with no adult in sight or in safe distance to help if one of them got into trouble.

OH is away ATM and I don't know if I risk really over stepping the mark by saying something - it gives me a cold sweat thinking about it.

AIBU and if not how do I go about it? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 21:07

Yes you have a point - they are very confident about their swimming (which also worries me) and they may have made out that they are better than they are.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 03/07/2016 21:13

Presumably you saw it on Facebook. I'd give her a ring and say that maybe the DDs feel that they are good swimmers but the are really still beginners. Just say you are concerned for them, in a way that doesn't sound like you're judging their mum. If that was me I'd be grateful.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 21:14

I think the lifeguard thing might be way to go and let her know like she wouldn't know - I am at pains to not look like I'm judging her - it is a minefield.

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 03/07/2016 21:17

Your OH is away until October, and you can have no contact with him....at all????

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 21:19

No.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 03/07/2016 21:20

What about your OH's parents?Do you get on with them,have contact with them?If you do and they could see the pictures you've seen would they talk to the childrens Mum about it?

UptownFunk00 · 03/07/2016 21:21

Wid that can happen if you are in the forces, on an oil ring or secret services.

Definitely go with lifeguard angle OP.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 21:21

No they don't get on or have any contact.

OP posts:
UptownFunk00 · 03/07/2016 21:22

Oil rig!

wheresthel1ght · 03/07/2016 21:24

If you have a good relationship with heir mum I would speak to her - they may have told her they are stronger swimmers than they are or if she isn't a swimmer she may not appreciate the dangers.

Imagine how you would feel if the worst happened and you had said nothing!!

I am a step mum and I have a shitty relationship with their mum (I am not the ow before anyone throws any mud) but I would still speak to her if I saw this!

GColdtimer · 03/07/2016 21:26

Call her. Just say they have far more confidence than ability and the life guard will not let them in the deep end and you thought she should know, what with them living near a river and it being summer. Don't mention the photos.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 03/07/2016 21:34

I would worry about that.

There were warnings locally about the dangers of swimming in rivers etc recently, and there's been a few cases reported locally within the last year of teenage boys / young men drowning when swimming in rivers etc. Not just the dangers of a weak swimmer getting out of their depth, but things like cold water shock can kill, and currents can be dangerous even for strong swimmers.

There's a link to something about drowning awareness link below - that was just a week or so ago. Just wondering if one way to bring this up would be saying you'd heard some stuff about drowning prevention week recently, how swimming in rivers is dangerous even for strong swimmers, and had thought you'd mention it as there's a deep river so near their house...

www.rlss.org.uk/water-safety/drowning-prevention-week/

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 21:37

Thanks that's a really useful link.

OP posts:
PopGoesTheWeaz · 03/07/2016 21:49

I think you can use the fact that they are over confident and what the lifeguard has said as the opener, and even say something about how you keep meaning to get them in more lessons but until then, they really need to be supervised.

Crispbutty · 03/07/2016 21:49

Is the river possibly low with less current at the moment? You could make that sort of comment, which the mum might then think twice about if she isn't aware of their inabilities.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 03/07/2016 21:50

Twofalls has a point, maybe best not to mention the photos as that calls into question her parenting. Just mention it as a "I've been meaning to tell you/deal with this swimming thing as the still need a lot of work ."

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/07/2016 22:19

Yeah I need to phrase it right possibly by a cowardly text Confused

OP posts:
calamityjam · 03/07/2016 22:27

Please say something. We have a lot of lodges and rivers around here and countless children have died over the years swimming in summer. Even if they are excellent swimmers, they should have an adult very close by for emergencies. I'm sorry but I don't think that you have a choice really.

GColdtimer · 04/07/2016 07:45

I wouldn't text, they can be misconstrued and you will worry if she really got the message. A 16 year old drowned in the Thames near me recently, you could say you heard about it and it's been worrying you. Tough one but big girls pants Grin

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 04/07/2016 08:45

As others have said, if she doesn't take them swimming, their mum probably believes they're stronger swimmers than they are. Give her a call, mention the lifeguard.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 04/07/2016 09:56

Ok so I did it - mentioned lifeguard etc.

Reply was "which lifeguard? They've had a lively time splashing around its not deep."

BUT THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RIVER WITH NO ADULT/STRONG SWIMMER NEARBY.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 04/07/2016 09:56

*lovely

OP posts:
HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 04/07/2016 10:20

"Just a bit worried because they're a little over confident in the water, and have form for getting out of their depth - the lifeguard at the pool has had to intervene before"

Maybe?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 04/07/2016 12:42

Oh dear. For the sake of their safety you may have to be a little more blunt. It sounds like she isn't going to get it/accept it very easily.

GColdtimer · 04/07/2016 13:42

Oh tricky. Perhaps follow up with an email?