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AIBU?

AIBU or is my DH a prick?!

52 replies

Nuggy2013 · 02/07/2016 22:20

Long story short I am 5 months pregnant with DC2 and have DD age 2.9.

DH works away. Therefore, DD spends majority of time with me and is v clingy in front of other people. DH decides I need a break/time for DD to get used to not being with me all the time etc to takes her to Spain for two days to family and comes back today. I had two great nights sleep, DH and DD had a great time, everyone is happy.

DH normally does majority of cooking when home. I decided to make something new (Joe Wicks recipe if interested) and long story short, it was a disaster. Dinner was not fit for human consumption.

AIBU to think this is an accidental fuck up? Or is DH right and it's worthy of a load of verbal abuse and blame to make me feel like shit?? Clearly making a crap dinner was deliberate and on my agenda

Anyway, after two days apart, we're now in separate rooms and no sign of effort from either party!!!

OP posts:

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flappingbingowings · 02/07/2016 23:20

'Long story short'? Christ, glad you didn't go for the long one.

RubbleBubble00 · 02/07/2016 23:24

It's a daft argument. I'd be uber grumpy if hungry and there's no dinner esp if it had a tiring weekend away. He over reacted

LadyB49 · 02/07/2016 23:32

Sorry The homecoming ended as it did.
We'd just think, no big deal, bin it, and have takeaway or a toastie.
Not your fault.

But I'd be unable to sleep and would want to talk it out - but that's just me.

RumbleMum · 02/07/2016 23:33

Of course YANBU. DH is an amazing cook (he cooks most nights) and still occasionally screws up spectacularly. I am never anything other than sympathetic and appreciative, however much my blood sugar has plunged into the depths. Cos, y'know, shit happens.

Benedikte2 · 02/07/2016 23:36

My XH acted like that. If any meal I cooked wasn't to his liking then he accused me of doing it on purpose just to upset him. Impossible to reason with. In the end I left the bugger. Tried my best for years and was made to feel everything was always my fault and I unfortunately bought into that. It can sap all your self confidence. Oh the relief when I left,
Just make sure OP that this kind of reaction doesn't become usual.
Just a thought -- is it possible your ILs have made disparaging remarks about him doing the majority of the cooking? Maybe his reaction was fuelled by that.?

Aeroflotgirl · 02/07/2016 23:37

Yanbu no excuse for abuse, there are plenty of takeaways, he could have ordered something.

Lynnm63 · 02/07/2016 23:48

I love cooking and cook a lot but I still have cock ups occasionally. In our house I'd have been teased tonight, we'd have rather had a takeaway or sandwiches/beans on toast and I'd still be being teased about it in 20 years time.
Dh would not have assumed it as deliberate. In our younger days I made tandoori fish from a recipe magazine, it was vile. DH or DP as he was then was manfully attempting to eat it. I sat down took one bite and declared it vile, thank god he said I wasn't sure how I was going to force it down. He went to buy fish and chips for both of us.

Canyouforgiveher · 02/07/2016 23:55

in our house we laugh when dinner goes wrong.

We don't tell the person we are supposed to love most in the world that they are crap, that they deliberately sabotaged dinner as part of an agenda (what a concept!).

your husband came home stressed because he finally had to mind his child 24/7 and it was really really hard. And he took it out on you because he is an arse - a humourless arse at that.

Hope you both get over it and he has other redeeming qualities.

bakeoffcake · 03/07/2016 00:01

I just can't comprehend an adult acting like this.

I've had a few disasters in my time and on every single occasion Dh would be repeatedly saying "don't worry about it" whilst putting on some beans and toast.

Your H needs to apologise for being such a prick.

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2016 00:06

Does your DH cook much?

The reason I ask is because if you cook a lot and your OH fucks up, you tend to think 'There for the grace of God' and totally understand that it could have been you who did the same thing.

BurningBridges · 03/07/2016 00:17

So what's the back story, is he generally an arse? (Why do people keep saying about him being tired, he's only been to Spain!)

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 03/07/2016 00:26

Gordon Bennett!

We've had numerous fucked up dinners and not once has anyone claimed it was an attempt to annoy them.

Possibly poison them - yes. But never to annoy them.

HWBU.

emotionsecho · 03/07/2016 00:29

Yes he is being totally unreasonable and rather pathetic to think you would deliberately waste your time producing an inedible meal.

Canyouforgiveher · 03/07/2016 00:29

The reason I ask is because if you cook a lot and your OH fucks up, you tend to think 'There for the grace of God' and totally understand that it could have been you who did the same thing

Maybe. Or maybe you would think "jesus how hard can it be to make spag bol?"

there is no excuse here. Whether you cook or not, it is arsey to throw a strop because dinner wasn't cooked right. It is humourless arsey not to see the funny side of an absolutely inedible dinner.

If someone is an arse when tired he is still an arse. Very slightly irritable or not wanting to chat when tired is fine,

HerRoyalNotness · 03/07/2016 00:41

I'm still stuck on the fact your DH took DD to Spain for only 2 days. Did that include travel time?

Did he come home expecting a red carpet, trumpets and fanfare, a medal and praise for doing that? And decided that the dogs dinner showed you weren't appreciative and fawning enough?

He does sound like a prat.

I've made some dogs dinners in my time, DH just gamely eats it, he the self confessed, will eat anything. It's normally me that will hunt out a sandwich or crackers instead.

Nuggy2013 · 03/07/2016 09:35

He went Thursday first thing and came back yesterday evening so yes, I get he was tired etc but it's a case of picture no sound because I took myself off to bed rather than sit there not listening to him give me shit. I don't know whether I've started to lose it or what but he's never normally such a dick so am slightly confused that a dogshit type dinner has provoked such a reaction!!!

OP posts:

Pearlman · 03/07/2016 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dowhatnow · 03/07/2016 09:43

Surely he's realised how he over reacted this morning? If this is unusual behaviour for him there has got to be an underlying reason?
Ask him why he reacted like this.

RaspberryOverload · 03/07/2016 09:56

I've had the odd disaster over the years. I do the bulk of the cooking and if it goes wrong, we laugh and sort an alternative.

Over the last year, due to me now being FT and DP in a new job, DP has gamely been responsible for dinner once a week (after hardly ever cooking before). Again, he's had one or two disaters, but I'm never disparaging or grumpy about it, becuase it's not done deliverately and I appreciate him taking this on.

Your DH sounds like a dick.

MatildaTheCat · 03/07/2016 10:05

He sounds generally considerate so it's odd if he's only annoyed about the dinner. Does he feel unappreciated for giving you a break and taking dd away? Was she quite difficult with him? That's very possible since she is clingy to you and 2 year olds are tricky travellers.

Unless he really is an arse I'd be offering him a decent breakfast and make it up. Harsh words were clearly exchanged last night and someone needs to break the ice.

TheWindInThePillows · 03/07/2016 10:09

I wouldn't be grovelling over a crap dinner, crap dinners happen.

Sometimes I'm too tired to cook, just can't manage it, I don't expect to be shouted at!

I suspect he found travelling with your dd very hard work and is feeling angry/tired as a result of that, your dinner was therefore just the excuse.

Keep away from him for a while longer, don't cook him 'make-up' meals (as doing a bad dinner is not a capital crime) and then ask him what's really going on.

TheSilveryPussycat · 03/07/2016 11:47

He stayed with his family over there, yes? Maybe some sort of falling out occured with them, which would be an explanation, though not an excuse.

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Nuggy2013 · 03/07/2016 11:50

Definitely no falling out, initially came back v happy and the dinner has led to picture no sound. Am being equally as childish but am not making the effort to resolve this, he's totally overreacted so needs to deal with it

OP posts:

Hot2TrotNowFit2Flop · 03/07/2016 11:54

He sounds like an ungrateful cockwomble knob head. Send him back to Spain and enjoy knowing where you're at. (Counts down weeks till own husband away next for peaceful life with no agro).

Hot2TrotNowFit2Flop · 03/07/2016 11:56

And I agree with TheWindInThePillows. What's wrong with laughing about it and going to the chippy?

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