fed up with my husband. fed up with my kids. fed up with my life.

[Drumling]

no clue where im posting or if anyone will even see this but my goodness im at the end of my tether.

i honestly wish i could turn back time. my son is horrendous. he is 12 but is one of 'those kids' you know the kid that all the teachers dread coming into their class. he is mouthy and really rude to any adult that is in his life. he loves fishing so he does that with his dad/my husband but also really enjoys football so i do everything i can to arrange nice weekends away camping with just me and him/him and his dad, etc. but he is never grateful he will just abuse that nice treat by being nasty while we are there. making threats. he is at an alternative provision from the next academic year but is in isolation every single day at school until the end of the school year while we have continuous meetings about what is going to happen with his education/at the alternative provision.

i have an amazing second son who is 9 and he really is a sweetheart but he is one of those cheeky kids that can get on your nerves and he really tries to push his boundaries and will just laugh when you tell him off he enjoys swimming so i always try to do 1-1 time with him by taking him swimming or to a water sports day in the summer holidays but he is just cheeky to the instructors and no he isnt as bad as harry but he isnt great. he is ok at school but seems to enjoy winding people up and it isnt on. i have parents who dont want to go near me because he has annoyed their child in some way. which i get but then I have no adult friends who may be able to offer some advice. i have gone into school and asked them to help make a plan for us to all move forward and for me to follow at home and they have told me how thats my job and have given me a really funny look like im wasting their time and have told me how they are trying with him and that im not doing my bit but i am!! he just doesnt follow this plan well. he sees the school counsellor and has been working well with her by doing art but i have no idea what he talks to her about. i feel like he just talks to her about what an awful mum i am :(

my daughter is 5 and she is following in their ways. she just walks around the classroom and refuses to sit down. i have done lots of discipline with all of them, removing toys and pocket money and them having no tv to shouting to being nice there just is not a way.

my husband left when i had my daughter as he had gotten another woman pregnant and i had no idea he was even seeing someone else. he seems like a fab dad to his new baby but awful to our children. he says that it isnt his job to pay his way. btw he is still my husband as he is refusing a divorce for whatever reason tbh i dont want a different last name to my kids anyway.

i am working in 2 places no they are not great jobs but im really trying. i sort the school photographs out, etc. and then do a supermarket too.

my kids steal my money and just spend it at the shop but i dont know why when that money is to help them anyway and they get pocket money.

im so fed up. tbh i just want to up and leave.

Disclaimer: My eldest is only 4 and i have zero experience with preteens (although I am suitably terrified of the prospect )

Sometimes I engineer situations where I know DD will do well and then I praise the bejusus out of her for it and that has a really positive knock on effect where she enjoyed the praise so much she will seek out more good things to do in order to Keep getting the attention.

Could you do something similar for your boy, obviously in a more age appropriate way for him?

You have lots of good advice from pp.You can turn things around. See Petal post above. You are a great loving mum, the best mum they have (my midwife said that to me when my first was born and I kept looking at him without knowing what to do) And of course your children love you!
I don't know you in RL but through your posts I can tell you are a resilient person, very strong and you can/will make this work. Just a few little changes will make a big difference.
Look after yourself, you are amazing, you are bringing up 3 gorgeous children on your own

And also I agree with pp you can keep your surname after divorce, and get everything you are entitled to (his pension, savings, house etc)

OP, just coming back to this to say I really think you are doing your best and you obviously love your DC. And I am sure they love you too even though it might not feel like it sometimes.

The suggestion about no cash in the house (or if you have to have some, can you keep it in the car, or in a locked box indoors?) is a good one. As is divorcing your husband and claiming via CSA.

The other thing I'd say is stop paying for his trips with the DC. I get the feeling you're trying to keep their relationship going when he clearly can't be bothered, and you're probably always being really nice and polite about him in front of the DC - which again must confuse the elder 2, because they are old enough to see their dad is an arse, and they probably wonder why you are putting in all the effort, and letting him walk all over you...and then they try and do the same. I'd stop making any effort. Allow them to see him for what he is, and step back entirely from managing their relationship.

They will get better though, but it will be hard going for a while longer. You just have to keep on keeping on, and take some of the advice on the thread, as that should really help.