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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have shut the door in her face?

66 replies

SouperTrooper · 02/07/2016 16:05

A bit of background, I'm all over the shop at the moment as I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant - still have full blown morning sickness and am exhausted. Added to this I came out in full blown itchy hives a couple of days ago and this morning I woke up with something akin to (but thankfully not) flu. On top of everything I have a delightful DD who's 2, but has discovered the world of tantrums - these can go on for up to an hour and myself and DH are trying to figure out how to manage them. Safe to say I'm pretty much at the end of my tether and really can't figure out how awful I was to this woman before so need the perspective of mumsnet.

Earlier today, I was in the middle of trying to put my DD down for her lunchtime nap and was struggling with her having a massive tantrum when the door rang. I ignored it but it rang again about 30 second later. I thought it was probably DH who'd nipped out to pick up a prescription for me (he has a habit of forgetting his keys).

I picked up my daughter and headed downstairs, when I opened the door there was a woman stood there, she looked quite friendly. I immediately said, "I'm really sorry but I can't do this now, I'm trying to get my daughter down for a nap, so I need to go". She said she used to live at our house, and there should have been some post for her. I said I was sorry but we hadn't had any post delivered for anyone other than us recently, and we always wrote return to sender with anything for the previous people who lived here. As I was closing the door she said but it was months ago that it would have been sent here, it was membership for the national trust that had been renewed and sent to her old address. I again explained that we hadn't had anything for her and I had to go. She then said all she wanted was her letter and why wouldn't I give it to her? I then got annoyed and snapped at her that I didn't have her letter, we hadn't received anything like it and I had to go as I was having a bad day, I needed to get my daughter to sleep. I said I was sorry I couldn't help her and shut the door in her face.

I know my reaction wasn't great, and had I been feeling normal I probably wouldn't have been as rude, but now I'm feeling guilt about taking out my exhaustion and frustration on a total random person. Although I think my reaction might also have been influenced by the fact that when her and her friends moved out of the house - a year ago - they totally trashed it (paint all over the carpets, penises drawn on the walls) and it took us a lot of time and money to fix before we were able to move in.

So mumsnet jury, was I a total cowbag and completely unreasonable? Or slightly justified? I am happy to accept your verdict either way.

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 02/07/2016 20:35

On a similar vein, I know of a very respectable lecturer who when they used to take a fancy to a bit of wallpaper or upholstery at a NT property would cut (yes, fecking CUT!) bits off to keep with a Swiss Army knife they had on their person for just such purposes!

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 02/07/2016 20:37

To be honest her behaviour sounds v suspect and I'd be surprised that someone who vandalises a house would be a member of the national trust.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 02/07/2016 20:38

I think YWBVU for not ripping her a new arsehole about trashing the house before you moved in.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 02/07/2016 20:44

YANBU. You were quite restrained given she kept going on and you told her you didn't have to bloody letter.

NT my arse anyway. I know a few people who have NT memberships and none of them are drawing penis on wall types.

2rebecca · 02/07/2016 21:19

I'm not sure what else you could have done. You'd told her you didn't have her letter, she kept wittering on about it. I agree that if I found a membership had been posted to my old address I would just phone the organisation and ask them to send another one. She should have had her mail redirected for longer or kept a better record of which organisations she was a member of. Once you said you didn't have it she should have said "sorry for disturbing you, goodbye"

Moistly · 02/07/2016 21:21

Yanbu. No idea why she accused you of withholding it when you said several times you did not have it. Why on earth would you want to lie about that?

JessicaRabbit3 · 02/07/2016 21:24

Your not being unreasonable I accidentally bought something from eBay and it was sent to my old address. I let it go as I didn't want to bother the new tenants.

JessicaRabbit3 · 02/07/2016 21:25

I know what it was like getting strangers constantly coming to the door for mail at 9 o'clock on a Sunday night

JulieJuniper · 02/07/2016 21:52

My phone, my front door. I pay for them. (Actually, paid from the DH&I joint money.) I get to decide who crosses those boundaries. Unwelcome phone calls - I put the phone down. Unwelcome callers - I shut the door. I'm getting too old to be doing that all that apologetic niceness these days.

Two elderly people rang the door bell yesterday. It seems they were on a Mission for the church that DH has attended all his life, and recently retired from being an elder. They knew this was the "Juniper family" home, so goodness knows why they were calling here. (Though if they were trying to get me back to the church I walked away from decades ago, they were doing a pretty piss-poor job of that.) When I mentioned it to DH (who wasn't here at the time), he said he'd have given them short shrift.

People who phone or knock on the door, making demands on your time when it's clear that they're not welcome, rely on our tendency to be polite. If she turns up again, OP, don't be polite, just shut your door.

It is not illegal to open mail sent to your address but with someone else's name on. It's only illegal if you use the contents to take advantage of that person. So if you get letters addressed to her, you can open them to check if she's getting a credit card registered at your address or any other kind of scam.

themorus · 02/07/2016 22:02

Yanbu

Cinnamoncookie · 02/07/2016 22:06

If she is a regular country-house visitor, she may have got the penis idea from there

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/07/2016 22:26

The garden designer has employed an interesting use of symbolism in your example there Cinnamon.
I can see now that the aforementioned graffiti has been misinterpreted by the OP.

MammaTJ · 02/07/2016 23:15

YANBU!

What did she expect you to do-pull it out your arse?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/07/2016 23:18

Am struggling to marry the penis wall art and the NT membership - what an eclectic woman she is

Yanbu

ImperialBlether · 03/07/2016 14:39

You should have said, "I'm so glad you called. You owe me £X for painting over the pictures of penises that you drew on my wall."

LifeIsGoodish · 03/07/2016 14:52

YANBU at all, even without morning sickness and toilet training.
You were incredibly polite.
I think you've had a lucky escape. Even if she actually was a previous resident, she sounds incredibly entitled and I would not be surprised if she had intended to enter your home while you had your back turned looking for the 'post'.
Check your credit record. If someone has been applying for cc using your address, then you need to know this ASAP.

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