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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have shut the door in her face?

66 replies

SouperTrooper · 02/07/2016 16:05

A bit of background, I'm all over the shop at the moment as I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant - still have full blown morning sickness and am exhausted. Added to this I came out in full blown itchy hives a couple of days ago and this morning I woke up with something akin to (but thankfully not) flu. On top of everything I have a delightful DD who's 2, but has discovered the world of tantrums - these can go on for up to an hour and myself and DH are trying to figure out how to manage them. Safe to say I'm pretty much at the end of my tether and really can't figure out how awful I was to this woman before so need the perspective of mumsnet.

Earlier today, I was in the middle of trying to put my DD down for her lunchtime nap and was struggling with her having a massive tantrum when the door rang. I ignored it but it rang again about 30 second later. I thought it was probably DH who'd nipped out to pick up a prescription for me (he has a habit of forgetting his keys).

I picked up my daughter and headed downstairs, when I opened the door there was a woman stood there, she looked quite friendly. I immediately said, "I'm really sorry but I can't do this now, I'm trying to get my daughter down for a nap, so I need to go". She said she used to live at our house, and there should have been some post for her. I said I was sorry but we hadn't had any post delivered for anyone other than us recently, and we always wrote return to sender with anything for the previous people who lived here. As I was closing the door she said but it was months ago that it would have been sent here, it was membership for the national trust that had been renewed and sent to her old address. I again explained that we hadn't had anything for her and I had to go. She then said all she wanted was her letter and why wouldn't I give it to her? I then got annoyed and snapped at her that I didn't have her letter, we hadn't received anything like it and I had to go as I was having a bad day, I needed to get my daughter to sleep. I said I was sorry I couldn't help her and shut the door in her face.

I know my reaction wasn't great, and had I been feeling normal I probably wouldn't have been as rude, but now I'm feeling guilt about taking out my exhaustion and frustration on a total random person. Although I think my reaction might also have been influenced by the fact that when her and her friends moved out of the house - a year ago - they totally trashed it (paint all over the carpets, penises drawn on the walls) and it took us a lot of time and money to fix before we were able to move in.

So mumsnet jury, was I a total cowbag and completely unreasonable? Or slightly justified? I am happy to accept your verdict either way.

OP posts:

Original poster

SouperTrooper · 02/07/2016 16:55

Apologies for delay in response, DD is toilet training and managed to do a massive poo through her knickers on the stairs. Ahhh the joys of parenting.

Anyway, thank you Mumsnet I feel a little less irrational now.

In answer to some of the questions, I know she did used to live here because she's been round visiting our neighbours before they moved out - my husband encountered her and her boyfriend verbally abusing another of our (really lovely) neighbours. I don't think she was trying to scam us - I just think she's a bit young.

doinmummy carabos I was also a little surprised about the National Trust membership and the penis on the wall. I'd like to think they're doing an excellent job at diversifying their membership. The penis was in bog standard white paint - nothing Farrow and Ball about it at all. In actual fact the penis was pretty shabbily drawn. We did wonder whether the person drawing it had actually seen a penis before, but as it had a little trail of jizz, the word PENIS and GIRTH also painted on the wall there was little doubt.

OP posts:

RaeSkywalker · 02/07/2016 16:57

YANBU. She was rude.

RaeSkywalker · 02/07/2016 16:58

Sorry, cross posed with you OP!

WeirdAndPissedOff · 02/07/2016 16:59

YWNBU - you were patient to start with and she wouldn't accept your answer.
I'm also worried that it sounds somewhat dodgy - I wonder if she was trying to gain access to your house for another reason. Or perhaps she left some drugs there.

DesignedForLife · 02/07/2016 17:01

YANBU! Her fault for not sorting her post out.

OldManJenkins · 02/07/2016 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 02/07/2016 17:11

Do feel free to not comment then OldManJenkins. I'm sure the OP will manage without your input.

blueskyinmarch · 02/07/2016 17:40

I don’t think the OP was the one doing the pooping, i believe that was her DD.

OP YWNBU.

honeylulu · 02/07/2016 17:44

The real issue is, did the penis drawing have hairy balls? It does not qualify without hairy bollocks.

gabsdot · 02/07/2016 17:45

I probably wouldn't even have opened the door.

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 17:48

YABU, you were rude first which probably set the tone for her.

BoatyMcBoat · 02/07/2016 17:56

Gosh, Oldman, how rude you are.

OP, you weren't rude at all! Think about how you would have been had you been having a good day. What more could you have done? She asked for a months old letter, you told her you didn't have it. Once she started insisting, what more could you do than you actually did? Invite her in to search the house for it?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 02/07/2016 17:58

To be fair to her I am an equal fan of looking round stately homes and making funny penis drawings.

Some of us have mixed interests.

She was being kind of douchey though. And who keeps previous owner's post for a few months. You were right to shut the door.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/07/2016 18:50

I don't think you were unreasonable at all.

PastaLaFeasta · 02/07/2016 18:55

If it makes you feel better, I told a delivery man to piss off and then slammed the door a while back. He tried to deliver a parcel but it was the wrong house number, I pointed this out and told him this neighbour has their own door (which is clearly marked if he bothered to look the lazy arse - most delivery drivers have no problem finding it). I shut the door, annoyed at having been disturbed as I'm disabled and in a lot of pain. He rang the bloody doorbell again rather than move his arse and engage his brain to find the right door, he either thought I was lying or wanted to annoy me, so I told him to piss off and shut the door again. Very unreasonable, also very out of character these days - respectably, well spoken, middle class family who've had NT membership but my background is quite different. I can imagine my dad doing the same or much worse People who know me would be shocked. I'm normally quite nice to callers, even the JWs and that's when I'm in pain and the kids are howling. OP was lovely in comparison.

corythatwas · 02/07/2016 19:06

I could see how National Trust membership could lead to penis graffiti: all those ancient statues and paintings of manly gods dotted around the stately homes. The last one I went to definitely had a herm in the park, near the entrance.

(For those of you who are insufficiently penilely educated, a herm is a bust of a man with his appendages sculpted on the base.)

greatscott81 · 02/07/2016 19:12

This is the opposite of judgemental in a way but I never thought of NT members drawing lewd images on walls. However, you are not unreasonable, you told her the answer and she didn't believe you. Not really your issue - your priority is trying to get your children to sleep so you can have a rest!

Oakmaiden · 02/07/2016 19:22

I bet it wasn't a NT membership card. I bet the letter contained something more unsavoury, and that is why she was so desperate for you to hand it over. She made up the NT thing because she didn't feel she could say "hand over my letter filled with something illegal".

Oh - just thought! Maybe she has used your address to register a credit card, and thinks it may have been delivered there. And said NT member ship because she doesn't know their envelopes are branded and hopes the CC one isn't either.

AyeAmarok · 02/07/2016 19:26

YANBU!

She sounds a real delight.

verytiredmummy1 · 02/07/2016 19:29

Nope YANBU. I'm not sure I would have been as nice as you!!

Mishaps · 02/07/2016 19:29

She was being unreasonable - obviously not had children! For goodness sake - you told her, she wouldn't listen - were you supposed to stay there all day arguing the toss? Don't waste another moment feeling guilty.

By the way - the tantrums will subside - honest.

Original poster

SouperTrooper · 02/07/2016 19:33

Thank you everyone. I won't be beating myself up about it anymore!

Thank you also Mishaps I'm really really struggling with the tantrums, I've started to put her in her room whilst she has them and sit outside silently weeping. I'm trying to remember that with every tricky stage it does eventually go, but this one is a real challenge - and feeling grotty makes everything seem a hundred times worse and I'm beginning to feel like I can't cope. Fortunately DH is v good and my DM has volunteered to stay with us for a bit so I can get some rest.

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 02/07/2016 20:00

I caught people drawing a penis and their names in a temple inside Kew Gardens. I gave them a complete bollocking and they looked at me like WTF? I think they may have been Russian.

I also think she may have a credit card registered to your address or something.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/07/2016 20:00

I think a suitable response would be 'No post has been left here for you, but you did leave a huge cock on my wall'

I remember being in the first few weeks of pregnancy with a toddler and it's bloody hard. Once you start feeling better and your sickness eases off, it will all seem less overwhelming.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 02/07/2016 20:01

I've started to put her in her room whilst she has them and sit outside silently weeping

I don't think that's a good strategy personally but that's probably a discussion (I'ld happily have) on another thread x

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