AIBU not to allow DP to use my car for this?

[violetbunny]

Background...

DP and I have lived together a few years, no kids. We're not on vastly different incomes so we split joint expenses such as rent. Everything else we pay for individually, including transport costs. I own a car which I drive to work as my workplace can't be reached by public transport. DP doesn't own a car as he buses to work.

The issue...

DP has a hobby he does occasionally at weekends which requires travelling, often to out-of-the way places, think gravel roads, towns several hours away, muddy areas. DP borrows my car for this but it almost always comes back a bit dirty (e.g. mud splashes on the outside, or bits of gravel, sand etc inside. Memorably it once came back with a lot of dead sandflies inside). So not in a terrible or irreversible state, but not up to the standard I normally keep it.

I get a bit annoyed when this happens as I generally keep my car clean, it's also work funded vehicle so should be kept presentable. I've also been quite vocal that if he wants to borrow it then although it doesn't have to come back spotless, it should be the same condition it was in when he borrowed it. He's repeatedly returned it a bit untidy, although claims he's made an effort to check it over before it comes back.

I'm also not happy with him driving it to towns 1-2 hours away, as it's my only means of transport to work and I'm responsible for its maintenance. It's a small, old car (not a 4 wheel drive or anything like that) so I worry about the wear and tear on it going to some of these places. I also worry (maybe irrationally) about the impact on me getting to work if anything should happen to it. I'm sure he'd happily contribute more towards it financially, but I'd almost rather he didn't as I'd then feel obliged to let him drive it whenever.

He wants to borrow the car next weekend to travel to a town 1.5 hours away. AIBU to say no? Or am I just being precious and selfish? I've no issue with him taking the car within our city to see friends, go to appointments, shopping etc, I'm just uncomfortable with the hobby trips for the reasons above.

Tell he cannot have it cause he keeps forgetting to clean it

Wankers, I'm not sure why not wanting to name his hobby is pretentious? I thought it was good practice not to share too many identifying details when posting on a public Internet forum. There's nothing more behind it than that, he's not doing anything untoward. Yes I could have made up an activity, I just didn't think the activity itself was all that relevant.

Happypoobum - yes he will use other means of transportation, usually Uber. He could easily just hire a car or use a car share scheme, especially for longer trips (like the one he's planning in a month's time which would be for a whole weekend). I have suggested it to him before.

Wankers, yes we live a couple of minutes drive from a drive through car wash, which is open 24/7. He could easily do what you suggest, he just doesn't. I think the main reason I'm a bit annoyed is that I've suggested it several times and he doesn't seem to have got the message. Which is why I thought I'd ask if I was being unreasonable.

DP doesn't have a car, I do.

He very occasionally uses it without me - and always returns it clean with a full tank of fuel. That's his thank you since I pay 100% of the costs, although we split petrol on shared trips.

its the OPs car and if she wants it kept clean, her DP should respect that.

I agree you should take ownership of how presentable you want the car and I think the part about it been driven 1.5 hrs away is a bit precious. Plenty of people commute an hour each way for work on a daily basis, once a month or so won't do it any harm, infact probably good for the battery.

Just sit him down and say that a valet is the condition of its use, don't qualify it with "if it's dirty" etc as you have different standards. Don't drop hints or suggestions. He can always go to one near his hobby if it is too late by the time he gets me.