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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

too not mention DD anymore?

67 replies

Pandoraalora · 01/07/2016 08:05

I have a job interview next week that I have many years experience in, however this is interview 6 5 that I've not been successful for.I'm beginning to wonder if it's because I've always mentioned my DD who is under 2 ( I am relatively young so would not assume I'm a mum ) and then they start to question my flexibility and childcare etc, so AIBU to try my best to avoid mentioning I have a DD ? I know I have no legal obligation to do so, however if I was successful when would I mention it?
This is a full time role after initially going back to my current job part time, so how would I get around that part?

OP posts:
LotsOfShoes · 01/07/2016 08:59

I think the fact that you bring it up makes them wonder why you're bringing it up i.e. it could sound like you're already making excuses for having to take time off/being late/leaving early etc. Don't mention your DD at all.

OnlyAFoolsChance · 01/07/2016 09:04

I've been experiencing interviews recently where the interviewer asks if I have children. Not on just one occasion. I tell them the truth, as I think if I told them no then later they found out I had, it would not be a good foot to start on at all.

For those asking why would you mention your kids, maybe the OP is in same situation, where she is asked outright.

iammamam · 01/07/2016 09:08

I was Part of a panel in a job interview in January and they told us we weren't allowed to ask about children at all, even if they mentioned it we couldn't ask about flexibility or anything like that

FV45 · 01/07/2016 09:14

I think people need to do their research and find out what interviewers are allowed to ask. Take responsibility!

www.gov.uk/employer-preventing-discrimination/recruitment

pitterpatterrain · 01/07/2016 09:16

only I would be pretty disappointed at that - we are given a list from HR before all interviews on things we can't ask

It would put me off the company - if they are unprofessional at that stage it doesn't hold much hope they will be any better if something difficult HR related came up later

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 01/07/2016 09:25

Do you think the male interviewees would talk about their kids and childcare etc in an interview? I bet they don't.

Don't mention her. And they shouldn't be asking either.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 01/07/2016 09:27

And YY to researching your legal rights around the process and working as a parent in general.

Good luck with your next interview!

tupperwareAARGGH · 01/07/2016 09:30

I've just been part of a panel in interviews this week we weren't allowed to ask any questions relating to health, hours or children in fact any personal facts just the interview questions on regards to job.

Just don't mention her, its irrelevant to your ability to perform the job.

mrsmortis · 01/07/2016 09:33

They aren't allowed to ask if you have children. www.gov.uk/employer-preventing-discrimination/recruitment

I'm assuming that you are volunteering the information, not being asked for it. If not then the interviewers are breaking the law. I would write to the HR department of the company that is interviewing you and inform them.

StatisticallyChallenged · 01/07/2016 09:34

I would agree with not mentioning it.

I seem to remember that DD did actually come up in my last interview, but I think it was in context of explaining an additional business that I help to run - and the interviewer was also talking about his newly born third child. But, this was a 2 hour long interview with a lot of chat an it emerged more as part of natural get to know you type conversations. I also don't have to worry about childcare at all so for me it's not such a big deal if it comes up as I'm able to explain that.

In general, I just wouldn't mention it.

LaurieLemons · 01/07/2016 09:34

I wouldn't even mention that you work part time, I've had periods working 1 day a week and 5 days and I've never said or been asked. Just say you fancy a change or a new challenge or something don't mention how often you work.

Plus it's none of their business really, I can't imagine them asking why do you only work part time then.

trafalgargal · 01/07/2016 09:35

They shouldn't be asking if you have kids but if an interviewer does the best response is "yes" nothing more . It's tempting to expand or fill a silence but don't.

honeylulu · 01/07/2016 09:37

If your child means that hours/flexibility are a critical consideration I can see why you mention it. (If not, no need to).
I work in the city and in my old job I did flexi hours with an early start and finish so I could pick up from nursery. I still did a full time role and met all my targets.
When I was interviewed for new jobs I did state that I would need the same flexi hours (and why) otherwise it just wouldn't be workable. I didn't want to waste their time or mine (usually two interviews so I mentioned it at the first - I also brought along proof that I was meeting the full time targets). Likewise my husband who did the nursery drop off was quite frank with potential employers that he just wouldn't be able to start work before 9.30.
Most seemed to appreciate the frankness. If it was a problem then, meh, I wouldn't want to work for them anyway.

PterodactylToenails · 01/07/2016 09:38

I wouldn't mention her either. I had a gap in my CV when I had my second child so I felt obliged to discuss my children to explain this gap. However, when I have been the interviewer I have never asked about children.

JudyCoolibar · 01/07/2016 09:46

It's all very well to say OP shouldn't mention that she worked part time, but there is likely to be a gap in her CV when she gave birth that people will ask about.

Laiste · 01/07/2016 09:47

What do you say if an interviewer is obviously digging about your home life? Towards the end of interviews i've found they sometimes adopt a kind of relaxed 'off the record' style.

nosireebob · 01/07/2016 09:55

If you are asked why part-time, then just a brief 'I worked part-time for family reasons but I am now keen to get back into my career full time'.

In my experience when women mention having one child, especially an under 5, then panels think oh-oh, they'll maybe go on mat leave next year for number two. It is super unfair but unfortunately it is happening. So I agree, avoid mention of child if you can, or else just say something like above which indicates that you've done family and are now raring to get back into career mode

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/07/2016 10:11

For anyone at a senior management position - "I have one child, he/she's nearly 2" = I am highly likely to have another child or get pregnant within the next 2 yrs.

Many decent folk will ignore the implication but don't kid yourself that many don't.
Equally, remove an engagement ring before interview. That equals - going to spend the next X period thinking about nothing else but white frocks and when to TTC.

Avoid, avoid avoid.

For one thing - maternity leave is not a GAP on your CV. Even if you never went back, your employment stopped on the date your mat leave ended and you resigned.

If you can't get out of it, then simply say that part-time hours were what was available / wanted time to study or whatever.

FindoGask · 01/07/2016 10:13

I've mentioned my children in all three of my successful job interviews, in the context of explaining a career gap and return to work. So I don't think talking about family is necessarily detrimental to your chances.

A lot of the interview is about whether they like you and can imagine working with you. From that point of view I think being open and ready to discuss things is a positive. If you come across as shifty or evasive (even about something you have no obligation to disclose) I don't think that comes across well.

FV45 · 01/07/2016 10:15

Indeed tread, I have two children and there are no gaps on my cv as my employment continued throughout my Mat leave.

NikiSaintPhalle · 01/07/2016 10:19

For one thing - maternity leave is not a GAP on your CV. Even if you never went back, your employment stopped on the date your mat leave ended and you resigned.

Absolutely to this! It's shocking to think that so many women clearly don't realise this and are flagging up gaps which aren't in fact gaps on CVs and making their employment history look spottier than need be!

dowhatnow · 01/07/2016 10:26

I think there is probably a big divide between professional job interviews and minimum wage type jobs. Yes we all know the illegality of asking that type of question but in real life it happens. It's all very well saying you wouldn't want to work for a company like that and refusing on principle, however when you are struggling to find a job and you need one, you aren't really in a position to be choosy- regardless of the rights and wrongs.

Op I'd just fudge it as much as I can. Certainly don't mention part time on the application form unkess you have to. Don't bring up dd unless you are asked directly and if you can't avoid it then say as little as possible using suggestions mentioned above. Gloss over the fact as if it is irrelevant and unimportant.

Good luck

Heavens2Betsy · 01/07/2016 10:35

Only mention your DD if they ask and jump in straight away to tell them that you have excellent support and childcare and you don't expect it to affect your performance.
I used to find that the best way when my dc were little.

dragonsarebest · 01/07/2016 10:37

No interviewers shouldn't ask but some will. If you are asked directly whether you have children, and you want that job/to work for that company, I'd reply with a smile and "is that relevant to this role"? If they then follow up with a "yes because...", you can simply state that childcare is in place etc. I'm not sure that pointing out the legality of the q is helpful in an interview really. But no, they shouldn't ask (but we don't live in a perfect world).

user1465823522 · 01/07/2016 10:42

*NikiSaintPhalle Fri 01-Jul-16 10:19:24
For one thing - maternity leave is not a GAP on your CV. Even if you never went back, your employment stopped on the date your mat leave ended and you resigned.

Absolutely to this! It's shocking to think that so many women clearly don't realise this and are flagging up gaps which aren't in fact gaps on CVs and making their employment history look spottier than need be!*

I just want to second this.

Maternity leave not a gap! You are still employed by that company and you do not need to explain yourself over this,.

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