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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't know whether to pull out of houseshare?

38 replies

MovingInOutOn · 30/06/2016 20:22

Have posted on this already but still deliberating. Essentially future housemate (who I know and like but have never lived with) has said she would like her dp to stay about 3 nights a week at our place, but not possible for her to stay at his. I don't know whether to just suck this up. Plus side is she seems nice, down side is I didn't sign up to have couple in kitchen and communal spaces... Plus where do you draw the line?

OP posts:
jellyrolly · 30/06/2016 20:24

I think if it was me it would depend on the partner. I've had flat mates with lovely boyfriends and others who were awful. Nothing is forever though.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 30/06/2016 20:26

Would she pay a bigger portion of the bills?

Would he be there when she wasn't?

GloGirl · 30/06/2016 20:27

Is she wanting to pay more ?

shinynewusername · 30/06/2016 20:27

Assume you are renting, not buying? So can't you just try it for a few months & see how it goes? So much depends on what the DP is like and what they are like as a couple - if they are out all the time when he is around, it might work out well for you. OTOH, if they are snogging on the sofa every evening, three will be a crowd very soon.

Original poster
MovingInOutOn · 30/06/2016 20:28

Just renting, yeah. Nothing been said about extra rent or bills.

OP posts:
Original poster
MovingInOutOn · 30/06/2016 20:29

Afaik it's just sleeping over as he works long hours. She seems really nice and I'm sure he will be, just want it to work for us all

OP posts:
ninenicknames · 30/06/2016 20:29

Nope!!! Doesn't work

Original poster
MovingInOutOn · 30/06/2016 20:31

It's a group of us btw, not just two of us if that makes a difference

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 30/06/2016 20:33

OP - being a group does make a difference. How big is the house? How do the others feel? Have they met her Dp?

Crunchymum · 30/06/2016 20:34

What was wrong with the other thread?

How are the bills being split? You need to ask that ASAP.

If it's 50/50 then you need to negotiate or have a rethink.

Original poster
MovingInOutOn · 30/06/2016 20:35

No, no one has met her DP, others seem chilled, there are 3 others. I'm chilled too but wary Smile

OP posts:
GonnaDoItAnyway · 30/06/2016 20:35

It really doesn't work....

It's uncomfortable and isolating. That's without the added bills of another person for nearly 50% of the time. Inside jokes, taking over communal rooms, arguments, make ups, thin walls....

Been there, done that, got caught up in the middle, got the t-shirt and fecked the hell outta their relationship.

shinynewusername · 30/06/2016 20:36

A group makes it easier as you won't be the gooseberry. But all of you need to agree ground rules before you move in. If the bf is there half the week, he should make some contribution to bills, even if not the actual rent - whatever you agree must be something you all feel is fair or there will always be resentment.

livinginabox · 30/06/2016 20:36

Having house shared for years I would say it come tent normal to have partners stay over regularly and I would have a problem with it.

Original poster
MovingInOutOn · 30/06/2016 20:36

Nothing said about bills as no firm sleepover arrangement made yet... To be fair I will be having guests too, but mainly mutual friends or siblings every now and then to stay over...

OP posts:
livinginabox · 30/06/2016 20:36

Having house shared for years I would say it come tent normal to have partners stay over regularly and I would have a problem with it.

GonnaDoItAnyway · 30/06/2016 20:37

X-post with op update.

Being a group share does make a difference.

witsender · 30/06/2016 20:38

There is a big difference between the odd, as and then stay over and this proposal of 3 nights a week, from here on in. I wouldn't like it.

Crunchymum · 30/06/2016 20:40

Oh right I didn't read the other thread

Well them you need to decide if another person is that big a deal? I mean 3 is a crowd when you share with one other person but if you share with a 'group' then I imagine one extra person isn't that bad in terms of your personal space and privacy.

It's hard to know if the person with the bf should pay more? If the bf doesn't shower there or cook etc then it's not as if he is using the utilities?

Marmalade85 · 30/06/2016 20:43

It will begin as 3 nights and end up with 'oh he may as well move in since he is here all the time anyway'

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 30/06/2016 20:44

I think it's inevitable in a house share. If it's not her doing it it could be you having a partner to stay, or the others bringing partners over. It's just what happens

jay55 · 30/06/2016 20:45

How many bathrooms?
An extra person showering in the morning can be a major pain when you're in a rush.

FinallyHere · 30/06/2016 20:45

OK, this would be a no for me. Especially as she isn't allowed to spend time at his place, so you won't get times she is away to compensate. Sharing a house with anyone is not easy, them being a couple will make everything more difficult.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 30/06/2016 20:51

When I was in houseshares it would have been normal for anyone in a relationship to have their partner over that frequently, it wouldn't have occurred to me that was a potential problem. A single flatmate could meet someone anytime and start inviting them over. I guess if it was that frequent I might ask to meet them first to check they weren't very annoying.

Saying that, if it does bother you then back out, whenever I've had a bad feeling about a flat share I've regretted moving in.

Andylion · 01/07/2016 15:47

It will begin as 3 nights and end up with 'oh he may as well move in since he is here all the time anyway'

I agree that this is possible. Also, which three nights? Thurs, Fri. Sat? Theoretically, he could stay the whole weekend.

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