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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be completed fed up with behaviour of year 6 girls OPTIONS......!!!!

33 replies

Brighteyes27 · 30/06/2016 10:30

I have brought my DD up to be a good friend, to be respectful of and to others etc. She is a lovely girl perhaps a little young for her age, but recently her best friend who I thought was similar has trampled all over her and her feelings in a number of ways. Seemingly my DD can't say or do anything without her rolling her eyes, tutting or sighing etc. If my DD asks her if she wants to be her partner for something she often either says yes then ditches her at the last minute saying she has had a better offer or says she'll decide when she's had all her options in!! I really liked her BF and her mum and thought they were similar but think she has concocted some story to her mum as to why they are less friendly and no longer walk to or from school any more. Anyway turns out my DD, this girl and another girl (who is often classed as a better offer) and 3 other boys are in the same class for secondary. What are the teachers thinking of putting the kids or some kids in friendship groups of three (2's company 3's a crowd etc) especially when the friendship group has worn thin. I have encouraged my DD to find other friends and move on and she has to some extend but doesn't have a BFF or new definite group of friends and still often seems on the periphery of this group in various group activities in school (which I don't think is doing her confidence any good). Any advice? Shall I contact new school and ask her to be moved or contact primary teacher which I did a month ago but teacher thought they were all still friends. Or hope the situation rights itself?

OP posts:
AdrenalineFudge · 30/06/2016 10:37

Are they around 9/10years old? I think you sound overly invested tbh. This sort of thing is very common and provided your dd isn't actually being bullied then there's nothing to sort out. Just do as you're doing and encourage your dd to form other friendships and develop confidence.

AdrenalineFudge · 30/06/2016 10:39

Can you imagine the teachers having to sort classes out based on who is who's best friend this week. It would be chaos.

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2016 10:41

OMG no don't contact the other school, just let them get on with it.

Classes are mixed on ability to learn and work.

Your child (along with the others) will make plenty of new friends when she starts school.

The close relationship she had with her friend is starting to fizzle out, as so many do at this age, that's all.

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2016 10:43

And as far as I'm aware, the primary schools have no say in the classes at secondary school anyway.

wigglesrock · 30/06/2016 10:44

No, don't contact either her primary or her new school. From your post I assume she's going to her secondary school in September? So is my eldest, she's just turned 11. Teachers can't start rearranging classes on the basis that friendships have run their course, your daughter needs to find her own feet with relation to forming friends and meeting new people.

FeckinCrutches · 30/06/2016 10:44

I'm assuming they are in the same tutor group rather than class, which means it's only 10 mins in the morning then 5 minutes in the afternoon. She'll soon make friends with other children, I wouldn't bother contacting the school.

FeckinCrutches · 30/06/2016 10:45

Plus the secondary school would have sorted it, nothing to do with primary school.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 30/06/2016 10:48

Urghh it's that age, when a lot of them become bitchy and self-obsessed.
I would leave it - I'm sure your DD will find nicer, more like-minded friends come September.

Original poster
Brighteyes27 · 30/06/2016 10:49

Adrenaline fudge year 6 is 10/11. Do you have children or are yours very much younger? This year all the girls were gathered together in a room one day without warning and had so many seconds to pick one best friend for secondary if they hadn't the teacher chose for them. As it is a big primary school and they are going to a large secondary school some girls are going into secondary with 4, 5, 6 or 7 friends in the same form class as them. Historically the children at this school nominated 2 best friends anonymously and the teachers put them into classes based on this information. They were guaranteed one friend but usually ended up with a few more.

OP posts:
ArmfulOfRoses · 30/06/2016 10:51

Dd went to upper school with lots of his she was friendly with, lots of girls she wasn't so friendly with.
Within maybe a week she had an entirely new friendship group made up of people she had known only for that short time.

Original poster
Brighteyes27 · 30/06/2016 10:51

Thanks all. I was going to leave it but I know other parents have contacted both schools and moves have been made.

OP posts:
ArmfulOfRoses · 30/06/2016 10:52

Her school is single sex btw, that's why I only mentioned girls.

onceuponadream2016 · 30/06/2016 10:52

I'd probably describe myself as similar to your daughter. I was never bullied but I was never "picked first" and definitely young for my age. Honestly stay well clear, kids need the space to sort out their own friendships and petty quarrels. as she goes through secondary school she'll find more friends in different groups and the friend will do the same. It ended well for me, me and my BF made loads of different friends, each with different dynamics and talents, some nice some not so BUT we have spent time apart and time together and now 20 something almost 30 years on we're as close as ever she's always been there, my MOH at my wedding and I'm to be hers this August ! She's also my daughters godmother and such an amazing faithful friend !! I really hope it works out but if not don't worry, cliche as it sounds she'll find that someone who will "be there for her"Flowers

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2016 10:53

That's a weird thing to do.

Most classes are chosen on mixed ability/test results, not friendships Confused

But as a PP said, it's only the form class anyway, so 10 mins in the morning/afternoon.

Your dd (and all the other kids) will be making new friends, and learning that old friendships sometimes fizzle out.

Aworldofmyown · 30/06/2016 10:57

Does your daughter want to be in another class? If so and the option is there, I would ask.

As others have said though, she will make lots of new friends as they are on in that 'class' for a short time for register (I assume you meant the form groups, not that they have one class for all subjects)

TeenAndTween · 30/06/2016 11:00

At DDs' secondary the tutors groups are arranged based on a number of things, existing friendships being one of them. In Y7 a number of lessons are tutor group based so it can make quite a difference.

OP, unless there are major issues I tend to feel that 'better the devil you know etc'. DD2 is going up this year too, and I'm feeling a bit twitchy about the kids from her primary in her new tutor group, but I know they could be a lot worse so I'm trying hard not to say anything.

ArmfulOfRoses · 30/06/2016 11:02

In yr 7 for dd the classes were sorted alphabetically so was a real mix up right from the start.

Bluebell20 · 30/06/2016 11:06

I can sympathise, having been both a kid who was left out of friendship groups, and a teacher who has sat up all evening with lists of names, tearing my hair out trying to make sure everyone is sharing a room with at least one friend on residential trips (whilst also separating known troublemakers... arggh!).

All I can say is that it might actually help your daughter to be in a form situation where she has to look elsewhere for friends. Not to mention that this so-called BF might drop the other girl the moment they go to secondary school, anyway - this often happens! I remember coming home from the first half-term of secondary school crying because I was finding it so hard to make friends - but it was just teething problems, I expect half the class were doing the same, and I ended up with a lovely group of friends who saw me right through to sixth form and beyond.

Just support her, and encourage her to have new people round for tea! She'll be fine. It's a tricky transitional time, but there are lots of lovely girls out there just waiting to be her friend - she's just got to find them!

PuppyMonkey · 30/06/2016 11:09

"This year all the girls were gathered together in a room one day without warning and had so many seconds to pick one best friend for secondary if they hadn't the teacher chose for them."

Yikes, sounds a bit like the Hunger Games. Why the need to do it so brutally? Shock

Yep, for what it's worth my DD hooked up with an entirely new set from all the other schools within a week or so of starting secondary.

(They subsequently all fell out in Year 9 as literally all girls do and she hooked up with yet more others, but that's something you'll be dealing with in a few years, no need to worry now Wink).

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 30/06/2016 11:15

Our primary to secondary transition went from one class of 30 to 7 classes of 30.

They were put in groups of 2 or 3 who got on well together and worked at a similar level.

The primary teachers had a bit of a say on who went with who.

Ds was (is) with his best mate from primary, but hardly speaks of him now. They still get on ok, but he made new friends.

They have also moved children around throughout the year. So now, ds is in a high-performing class (2 or 3 out of 7) and the not-as-clever kid who bullied him all through juniors has been moved there (been through most classes and "moved on " from each)
He gets frustrated as he can't cope with the work (probably not his fault) so picks on smaller kids. (Everybody in the first 3 years is smaller than him...)

So, just because your dd is with this girl for now does not mean she always will be.
And even if she is, she is likely to make other friends.

Lymmmummy · 30/06/2016 11:20

Unfortunately I think that although frustrating you have little say over class room allocations - I have found that to my own annoyance quite recently and to be honest I would not waste my energy going down that road - though I do have empathy for you -

If you think the relationship with the existing 2 friends is not positive then perhaps try and invest in encouraging other friendships and interests - I know it's the old chestnut - but essentially you need new things to happen and for that you need to be looking forwards not backwards

exWifebeginsat40 · 30/06/2016 11:20

the end of year 6 is a nightmare. my DD and her friends were completely sick of each other by that stage, and the infighting and stress was awful.

moving up to high school was a huge relief as the wider pool of peers meant avoiding the trigger points was easier. DD has just finished year 11 and has prom tomorrow - she is going with her best friends who are actually the kids from year 6 that she couldn't stand at the time!

it gets easier, honestly.

tinytemper66 · 30/06/2016 11:22

Sadly primaries have too much say in who goes where, in my experience! Angry

acasualobserver · 30/06/2016 11:27

Your thread title doesn't tell the whole story: you are actually also fed up with the teachers who, you believe, have made a mistake with the groupings. Perhaps cut them some slack though? Primary teachers are often working 60 hours p/w,

trafalgargal · 30/06/2016 11:32

Best friends tend to go out the window when they all go to secondary and social groups broaden.
My best friend at primary an I went to different high schools but when I changed schools at 15 I was put in the same form as her and we although never best friends again did pick our friendship up again. Most of my primary class went to the school so I was the most confusing new girl as people from other primaries couldn't work out how so many people knew me so whilst primary school bonds can seem to fall away you may find as friendship groups ebb and flow over the high school years some kids will link up again later.

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