AIBU to be completed fed up with behaviour of year 6 girls OPTIONS......!!!!

[Brighteyes27]

I have brought my DD up to be a good friend, to be respectful of and to others etc. She is a lovely girl perhaps a little young for her age, but recently her best friend who I thought was similar has trampled all over her and her feelings in a number of ways. Seemingly my DD can't say or do anything without her rolling her eyes, tutting or sighing etc. If my DD asks her if she wants to be her partner for something she often either says yes then ditches her at the last minute saying she has had a better offer or says she'll decide when she's had all her options in!! I really liked her BF and her mum and thought they were similar but think she has concocted some story to her mum as to why they are less friendly and no longer walk to or from school any more. Anyway turns out my DD, this girl and another girl (who is often classed as a better offer) and 3 other boys are in the same class for secondary. What are the teachers thinking of putting the kids or some kids in friendship groups of three (2's company 3's a crowd etc) especially when the friendship group has worn thin. I have encouraged my DD to find other friends and move on and she has to some extend but doesn't have a BFF or new definite group of friends and still often seems on the periphery of this group in various group activities in school (which I don't think is doing her confidence any good). Any advice? Shall I contact new school and ask her to be moved or contact primary teacher which I did a month ago but teacher thought they were all still friends. Or hope the situation rights itself?

Most 11 /12 year olds will have a different best friend at high school than they had at primary within the first few weeks. Your daughter will be fine.

Thanks all that sounds more optimistic. I know friendships will grow and change but I would have liked to think she had some friendly familiar faces in her form class on day one and some girls to walk to walk to and from school with for the first week as others have. The way it is I can envisage her walking on her own with others all in there cliques.

I do feel sorry for the teachers but some of the more popular outspoken drama queen girls have all been grouped together and I know others quieter kids have been moved around after friendship group choices had been made and I felt I might be letting my DD down. She alternates about whether or not she would like to move classes. She is really easy going. I am the worrier.

From experience, both my girls had a completely different friendship group by the end of the first term at senior school.

I think your daughter needs to find her own path. It is tough, but it makes them stronger and more compassionate human beings when they have been through similar experiences. I don't think interfering at this stage will help.

See if you can make an emotional break between your daughter and the other girl over the summer hols, and maybe things will be different by September.

I am in a similar position with my Dd. I also asked for them to be in separate classes (we are allowed input) but this hasn't happened for whatever reason. I'm not going to try and intervene now, I'm going to see how it plays out. I just don't think you can plan and legislate when it comes to their friendships. For me, expecting school to take action on what may happen is a bit unfair. If being in the same class doesn't work out then I will address it when I have something concrete to go to them with.

I'm a middle school teacher and that sort of behaviour is really common. It doesn't last very long but it's horrible while it goes on, so you have my sympathy!

At my school, if parents call in to make any sort of complaint, it is actioned immediately without question. This makes those parents even more vocal, rather than less, and so there is a significant minority of families who feel like we should be smoothing the ice in front of their children at all times like it's a game of curling.

Those children are miserable. All the other children with less vocal parents notice and they make a BIG deal out of it. "What you going to do, Jamie, tell your DAD?" or "Ugh, Miss only did that because Cersei's mum complained". (This often means that when problems like bullying occur, the children have learned not to tell adults because of the peer repercussions. )

There are guaranteed dozens of girls in your daughter's class who will be BFF material, let her find them for herself and rejoice in her own resilience.

*Most classes are chosen on mixed ability/test results, not friendships

But as a PP said, it's only the form class anyway, so 10 mins in the morning/afternoon.*
Neither of these things is necessarily true. In the school where I work, forms are very much decided on groupings from primary schools and from similar areas. Pupils from the same primary school are usually put together (which I think is odd without checking if they get along!) as they think it's good for them to see familiar faces.

They are also taught in form groups for every single lesson in Year 7 (setting in some subjects starts in Year 8). If this is the case for your daughter, and if you know some people have had success, I would actually be tempted to contact the secondary school and ask if she can be moved. If this is just a blip, and they are to remain best friends, they can still be friends outside of class, but if this friendship has run its course, I would have thought it would be nice for her to get a fresh start.

Yes a casual observer I am annoyed with them also. They have managed to pick up on exactly who the 'drama queens' mouthy girls are friends with and made sure they got their own way and even merged two larger groups of awkward loud girls from other classes within the school together in the same form. So the new form tutor will definitely have their hands full and the other children in that form will be in for a treat not. The teachers have also allowed some of the quieter ones whose parents went in to move groups.

I just dread to think how some of there girls were raised I.e. To be top dog or queen bee at all costs.

Never mind hopefully it'll all work out.

The friend sounds like a bully, you need to equip your DD to stand up for herself.

I work with teenagers, girls are the worst for falling out, having a massive drama that everyone needs to be roped into and then making up (dramatically) and then repeat.

If you feel the girl is being bullied you are perfectly within your rights to ask she is not placed with this girl but they cannot guarantee she won't be with her/them in other lessons.

You are obviously a concerned parent but you need to maybe step back a bit and just be there when your DD needs to talk and insist she reports any incident of bullying - EVERY single time.