DSS and his boyfriend - bedroom rules

[Sherlocked1606]

DH accidentally walked in on DSS and his Boyfriend kissing on DSS'S bed last night. We were unaware that DSS was seeing him (or anyone really).

Previously we have spoken to DSS about having girlfriends in his room. DH and DSS have had a chat about safe sex, consent, not doing anything that he isn't comfortable with etc. There was also a bedroom rule. The rule is either the door is open or they stay in the living room. This rule applies until both DSS and any girlfriend are 16.

DH wants to have a chat with DSS and introduce the same rule with his now boyfriend. I think as the risk of pregnancy is zero having this rule isn't fully necessary. I suggested a closed door is ok but we have a knock and enter rule instead.

DH thinks thinks I am being unreasonable that the rules should be the same irrespective of whether DSS has a girl or boyfriend. Obviously we haven't mentioned our disagreement to DSS and he knows we are supportive of him no mater who he dates. DSS and the other boy are 15.

So what do you think? Should the rule be the same? Aibu?

I agree with dh. It's not a pregnancy risk rule it's a "they're underage" rule

I agree with your DH too

Should the op be considering the bf's parents views in this, as both are underage?

How would that work in practice mountain? The op rings up the boyfriend's parents and asks them if it's OK for the boys to be alone in the son's bedroom with the door shut?

They are underage. Protect them both by having an open door policy. Saves someone accusing either of anything.

and I totally want to back the poster who mentioned about sex and prep - school health and the birds and the bees talk doesn't really prepare anyone for gay sex - and a lot of damage can be done, both physically and mentally - and although kids these days are certainly more clued in then we were when we were kids, making sure he knows the facts about sex will help both his confidence and his health.

If your DSS and his boyfriend have a kiss in public they could be assaulted, so surely it's better to let them do it in the dss bedroom.

Pretty much agreeing with everyone else in that if you have rules they should be gender neutral. In our house, we don't really do that sort of rules. Who the DCs invite into their rooms and what they do when they are there has always been their choice. I assume that if one of them has has someone in their room and the door is shut they don't want to be disturbed.

I think the rules should be the same for all however it does get confusing with same sex relationships as a pp said how do you know if the guest is just a friend or it's a new boyfriend? In this case you have to hope your dss would be honest.

For example a close family friend (who I used to babysit so I'm a bit older than her) came out when she was a teenager. She has 2 brothers who weren't allowed girls to stay over or have the bedroom doors closed over with a girl in the room. Friends mum had no idea what to do about her friends staying after she came out as she wanted to be fair to all children but didn't know who was a potential gf or just a friend. She just relied on her dd being honest and got good at reading her dd's body language around certain 'friends'

Nothing wrong in open (or ajar) doors with all friends. They could be doing drugs, drinking, watching porn, whatever. Sex is just one possible activity you may not be comfortable with.

Same rules. There's no risk of pregnancy but there are still risks of STDs and there are still emotional issues. When DH had the safe sex chat did he just have girls and pregnancy in mind? He might want to discuss that there are still risks with boys

I always had to have door open even when over 16 or door half closed but constant visits from parents asking if we wanted drinks etc (every 20 mins!!)