Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

10yo dd and my make up

55 replies

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 09:13

grrr, I am fed up of having the same argument time and time again. 10yo dd lacks in confidence which we are working on and she is loads better. However she started nicking my makeup a couple of years ago and every time she promises she will never do it again. I bought her her own suitable subtle makeup to wear at weekends if she wants but still she nicks mine. So at the weekend I decided at 42 that maybe it was time I learned how to do foundation, on the way to school I noticed that dd has a slightly orange tinge to her complexion, I made her wash her face when we got to school and have left her quite upset as she can;t bear being told off, this is pretty much the only naughty thing she ever does. I explained to her that if you don;t want to get told off you don;t repeatedly do the thing that you have been told not to. She used my eyeliner last night and swore to me not 12 hours ago that she would not do it again. Short of getting a safe to keep my make up in I don;t know what else to do. So am I being too harsh? She worships zoella and spends weekends playing around with make up which I have no problem with (in fact she does it better than me) but I just want her to stop nicking my makeup and trying to get one over on me and wear it to school. I don;t mind makeup I don't see it as a big evil, it is something fun to mess around with. So any tips for the big conversation about stealing and trust and 10yos not wearing makeup to school which is going to happen tonight?

OP posts:

PastaLaFeasta · 28/06/2016 10:08

I'd automatically lock it away, a vanity case perhaps with lock or padlock, but my eldest won't stop doing the things she's told off for - suspected ADHD and she's only six. Is her eczema on her face? I had terrible teenage acne so know it's so important to cover up and how awful kids can be at picking on any difference. It seems really sad she is so self conscious at ten and had been for a few years, it's just too much pressure on young girls today. You've done well to buy her make up and let her play with it at weekends. If her skin is bad could you get some professional help, either medical or make up to cover up, especially if you are new to foundation yourself? I would've loved that when my skin was bad and would've improved my confidence that I was doing it right. But do lock up the make up or just leave out bits you are happy to share.

MarianneSolong · 28/06/2016 10:09

You could stop wearing makeup yourself. Not necessarily for good - but for a month. If adult women feel this is something they 'have' to wear, it passes the message that it is an essential part of being a socialised human - like wearing clothes.

I think this would be a powerful gesture. You could say, 'Yes I feel a bit weird going out/going to work without it, but I have decided that make-up isn't really necessary and I want to wear less of it. So I've locked all myself up for a month, and then I'll have another think.'

Zaphodsotherhead · 28/06/2016 10:09

Why not try having a week where neither of you wear make up? It's not an essential (unless you are a beauty counter girl), and knowing that you are with her in the experiment might give her some extra confidence...

I feel your pain, my youngest daughter puts on make up to walk the dog fgs, but I never wear the stuff at all!

puglife15 · 28/06/2016 10:15

Maybe you're right Worra but locking it up in itself isn't going to teach the DD about respecting people's stuff. She's been told off and punished (being made to wash her face eg) and it's not worked, so I think it's worth trying a different tack.

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow · 28/06/2016 10:24

I think being made to wash her face makes me slightly uncomfortable op as it smacks of seeing makeup as slutty? Not sure.

For me the pleasure of my dds was sharing beauty tips and shopping together. I think you need to get her better makeup. I know she's 10 but if dye has eczema play makeup is just silly as is naturals.

My dd has a scar on her face so we saw a dermatologist and she has now a really good concealer.

You not wearing makeup for a while to show her she doesn't need it is pretty daft advice. I wouldn't go anywhere without my makeup and my dds are the same. Some women wear it and some don't each yo own.

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2016 10:28

I think being made to wash her face makes me slightly uncomfortable op as it smacks of seeing makeup as slutty? Not sure.

If the OP saw makeup as 'slutty', I doubt she'd be wearing it herself or buying it for her 10 year old child.

I see it in the same way that if she'd repeatedly told her DD not to take her clothes without asking, then caught her wearing her new top, she'd tell her to go and take it off.

Original poster

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 10:34

the reason I made her wash it off is because she was orange (no idea how as it is the lightest foundation you can get) nothing more indepth than that.

OP posts:

puglife15 · 28/06/2016 10:38

Foundation can react to oil in skin and turn orange

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 10:43

Tbf she was going toprimary schoolprobably looking a bit oompa loompa make up to primary isnt really appropriate imo i would have made my 10yrold wash it off. Dita what about mineral powder that would give her the coverage without it looking caked on

MarianneSolong · 28/06/2016 11:06

I'd see it as like living with an alcoholic. If someone can't stop herself taking advantage of stuff that's lying about, then you just drink water and juice to support them in dealing with the problem.

I do think it's a shame that female children are told in all sorts of ways that their appearance is a) all-important and b) unacceptable unless concealed and altered in all sorts of ways. A 10 year-old's anxiety is part of that context. It''s rather like parents who diet obsessively being likely to pass on neuroses about food to their children.

TyrionLannistersShadow · 28/06/2016 11:15

Am I the only person who thinks 10 is far too young to be wearing make up? I have a 10 year old dd and there's no way I would be allowing her wear make up to school, or anywhere else for that matter!
It sounds to me like she is feeling uncertain and anxious about her looks, and needs to feel more confident in her own skin. I wouldn't like my dd to feel she needed to wear make up to be pretty or acceptable or whatever.

FauxFox · 28/06/2016 11:24

Is practicing with make-up regularly not making her excema worse? I know you have to be really careful with products if you are a sufferer and i'd be worried she was causing herself more problems...

If it wasn't for that I would let her get on with it (with her make up not yours) DD (Year 6) has been known to come down for school with bright pink lips or whatever and I just say "Oh gosh do you think the teachers will let you wear that make up?" or "Wow you've got quite a bit of make-up on for school - what will your friends think? It's quite noticeable..." And she makes her own decision. If she wants to risk being told off by a teacher or teased by her friends it's her choice.

Having said that I don't think it's OK for her to use your stuff without permission whatever it is.

NeedACleverNN · 28/06/2016 11:26

No I do think 10 is too young but there's picking your battles here

Is it worth the fight?

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow · 28/06/2016 11:26

Totally see all the above points but op mentioned her dd was a good kid, this using her makeup was her only vice and she has eczema. That's why I think this may be more than her just being defiant and naughty. It sounds more desperate.

Yes agree 10 is young for makeup but for example my one dd is very dark and has very dark hairy legs, at 10 she was teased for this so we worked together to get her a nice razor and I helped her shave them. She wouldn't wax.

I really don't see wearing makeup as akin to an alcoholic.

It's all very well saying girls shouldn't have pressure to look nice blah blah blah and yes it's not a perfect world but it might be the dds world now at school and I think instead of the op punishing her( and get the irritation) they need to talk about what's really going on.

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow · 28/06/2016 11:27

Faux depends on the makeup but that's why I would recommend a dermatologist.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 11:30

Yeah I think 10 is to young to be wearing make up and watching zoella but i think if it was around when 1 of my Dds were 10 she would be all over zoella dd loves make up and all the tutorials

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 11:32

Dd was having her eyebrows waxed at 11

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 28/06/2016 11:35

WTF? I can't believe people are advising to berate her or give her make up lessons.

She is 10 years old ffs. She shouldn't BE wearing make up.

The poor girl has confidence issues and is trying to change or hide her appearance and you are practically encouraging her!

SHE IS 10 YEARS OLD.

Instead of damaging the poor kid further, how about teaching her about natural beauty? Teaching her that she is worth more than make up? Teaching her all the great things she has about her? Telling her she's beautiful? Telling her a painted face doesn't make a person?

All the things that will make her feel better rather than encouraging her to change her appearance due to her insecurities.

These responses actually disgust me.

She's a little girl ffs

Helenluvsrob · 28/06/2016 11:37

you have 2 issues....

taking your things and wearing make up to school. Both of which are absolute no negotiating NOs.

And what every motivation she has for wanting to wear make up to school...

You need to find out the answer to both I reckon. Finding out the " why make up to school" is interesting but actually ultimately she can't do it.

Why taking your stuff when told not to is perhaps the most interesting one to solve as she's going to move onto something else otherwise!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/06/2016 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2016 11:41

TripTrap, your assumption that the OP hasn't already done those things and isn't still trying, is pretty insulting.

diddl · 28/06/2016 11:48

I'm so old that make wasn't allowed in seondary school.

Wasn't even thought of in primary!

What's her reason for wanting to wear it to school?

itsmine · 28/06/2016 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatthequack · 28/06/2016 12:40

OP. I sometimes break out in Psoraisis. As a young child sometimes it would break out on my face, when that happened I wanted to die with embarrassment. Kids did tease me a bit, name calling etc, or acted disgusted, as if I had some sort of contagious disease. As a result I had no confidence and was very depressed. If she is doing it to hide a bit of eczema, I'd source a good medium/high coverage concealer for whenever she does have a break out. When I started to use concealer to hide my break outs, it helped give me a confidence boost, I felt "normal" with it on and like Freddie Kruger without it. May I also point out that I found the ointments, topical or steroids creams to be rubbish, as I had to constantly keep using them to work and sometimes it took days to weeks to work, and as soon as you stop using them, you're back to square one. I now control my Psoraisis by keeping products I use on my skin as natural as possible (apart from make up) clean eating, exercise and trying not to stress.. It works a lot better than any cream, plus long term use of the ointments can have quite bad side effects.

Whatthequack · 28/06/2016 12:48

Apologies for not paragraphing... I'm typing on my phone and the screen is cracked quite badly.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread