Why would somebody be middle aged and never have had any friends?

[nuttymango]

Somebody I know very vaguely was talking the other day and I asked what they did when they went out with their friends (they asked me the same question). They said that they didn't have any and that they'd never had any friends even when they were at school.

I was quite and about it, I mean how can somebody get to that age and not have made a few friends along the way? AIBU not to know where to go from here, I mean they must have told me for a reason.

A (male) friend of ours said he never saw the point of friends, until his wife was taken seriously ill and all her friends rallied round; organising stuff for the children.

That's a good point, Digestive - my DH doesn't have any friends either. BUt he has his mum still, so if anything were to happen he'd have her to help, or he'd expect me to organise it (God knows how if I was seriously ill though!) But he would use my phone to contact my friends, most of whom he has at least met.

It can obviously be part of someone being in the "spectrum" or personal preference

Equally it can be a result of

1. not having been socialised as a child - eg parents not encouraging friendships - think this is more significant than people realise
2. having a negative or non existent experiences of friendship since being a child - eg bullying /friends being nasty and not being friends/ never being encouraged to have friends
3. general lack of confidence
4. experiencing significant life changing issues - which perhaps alienate them from most of their peer group making it hard for them to relate or making them feel uncomfortable to "share" with friends

I work with someone who openly admits she doesn't have friends.

She is very close to her DH and adult DC, constantly phoning/texting/ blowing kisses down the phone, and goes everywhere with them.

I don't think she's bothered by not having friends, tbh.

I only have a few close friends, because there aren't that many people I actually want to spend time with. Some people have tried to take me into their friendships over the years group, but I haven't wanted to join them.

My OH doesn't have friends. He just isn't fussed. He can't be bothered really to put in the effort to cultivate potential friendships either; he is perfectly happy, but it means I get everything - sometimes I wish he would have mates and just sod off down the pub for a couple of hours to whinge about the rugby/boxing etc etc.

I don't feel that I have many friends. I moved school and country when I was about 15 (and as I am now 48 that was in the era before mobiles, email, facebook etc) and left the people I had been at school with since I was 5.
I had been at an all girls school and ended up in a mixed school. I was terrified of boys and the people I was now with had formed their friendships and were not particularly keen on letting in the slightly weird kid with no fashion sense and stupid hair. If I recall my nickname was Tomsk because they said I looked like a womble.
I have always felt like an outsider. I have people I know. I have one or two people I count as friends. In the past I have thought people were my friends and have then discovered that actually they weren't.
I find people exhausting. I don't know how to be around them. I struggle to keep up with conversations. I either talk too much or not enough.
I wish I had lots of friends but I don't.
I do, however, have two fantastic children and a lovely husband.

My grandparents had no friends and it took my a while to realise it wasn't normal. My grandfather passed away 10 years ago and my grandmother is completely alone. She loves in warden aided flats with lots going on socially but is quite disdainful of it all. A neighbour asked her round for coffee but she refused to invite her back in case she wanted to become friends.
I guess some people don't want or need friends.

The person I referred to concerned ended up with a lot of people hating her due to how her social difficulties presented

This is a nasty thing to say about your colleague. First you say she is selfish, then you say you pity her, then you say a lot of people hate her. Real classy of you.

Unless she herself has told you that everyone hates her and she has no friends then you know fuck all about her life. You only see her at work, you don't know about her life at home. I guess you can't imagine her happy and loved at home, because then you wouldn't be able to pity her, right? It's easier to just assume everyone hates her, poor thing, so it's really nice of you to pity her

OP,you don't found sound very kind about this person who has no friends.

I struggle to keep friends as I get anxious in social situations. I have a small number of friends - but could easily have none. I'd love to have a big group of friends and often feel quite sad about it.

My child has aspergers. He really wants friends but lacks social skills. He can't interact in a group but is great one to one. He will hopefully keep a small number of friends but could end up lonely which is heartbreaking for me.

I have one true friend from my teen years and other than that I don't really have friends. I have been judged and called some vile names by colleagues in the past for that reason - mainly because I didn't want to socialise with them (I'm a non drinker who hates clubs, loud music, inconsequential small talk etc.)

I used to think there was something wrong with me. As I've got older however I've realised that it's just how I am made (INJF according to Myers Briggs typology and very probably a Highly Sensitive Person according to Dr Elaine Aron's work) I have a warm and loving family, and now I am in a workplace which is a better 'fit' for me I no longer hide at lunchtimes, but sit and chat with my colleagues. I chat on FB with old friends from university but rarely meet with them. If someone asked me about my friends I'd be honest and say that I don't really have any. However the fact that my friend has known me for 30 years and is still my friend, and I've been married for 20, suggests I am more than capable of making meaningful relationships - I just don't do transitory/ situational / casual ones.

INFJ.

I don't see how I was unkind about them. I wanted to help.