to tell SIL to get real (Brexit related)

[spitefulorfair]

Have NC for this as identifying - but I really want some perspective here as I'm furious and may act badly!

We live in EU country (south med holiday destination to give you an idea). DH, DC and I have been here 11 years. My parents also live nearby. DH and I both work and DC are fully bilingual - parents are retired. We had (as you can imagine) a vested interest in EU referendum and voted to Remain.

SIL (DH's sister) has been a very vocal Leave campaigner - think FB posts, doorstepping for the campaign, posters in window etc... She is ecstatic with the result and is gloating on FB (not at us directly)

Now I get on with SIL - we go through motions of presents, cards, sharing the odd email etc... When we are back in the UK we visit DH's parents and also visit SIL. I wouldn't choose her as a friend but I don't dislike her at all.

Anyway she has messaged me (not DH!) asking if now would be the right time to come out to visit. She has two younger DCs and her DH works away. She has not visited us in the past 11 years (despite being invited occasionally). Her message to me says "well given what's happened I was thinking we should come and visit before things change ... what do you think?"

Am I being stupid here? Does she mean shall she come now because we might not be able to live in X much longer (not the issue by the way - though it may impact on my elderly parents more as they get pension income in sterling) or is she asking for other reasons such as kids may be getting too old or something? I will ask her to clarify.

Either way would I be spiteful to say "jog on" - she has never been here before and her Brexit positioning has really left me with a sour taste. I am still angry at yesterday's result and feeling pretty vulnerable - I don't want to be rude but my gut instinct is to lash out. AIBU to ask what would you do?

I'd tell her to piss off tbh.

If she hasn't been arsed in the past 11yrs why would she now?

Does she really want to visit or just shit stir?

Definitely not what chipped said, it might have the opposite effect and make her feel like she's had one up on you guys.

I'd just tell her no.

Chipped's message is just the job. What a cheeky bitch your SIL is.

I wouldn't rise to her at all. You probably don't really want to sever ties with her, family relationships are difficult enough in most cases.

I'd just say unfortunately the dates don't suit/other visitors etc and wouldn't leave the conversation open for discussion.

Inside I'd seethe!

What does your DH think - is it his sister?

She's responded!

"Hiya Spitefulorfair - sorry not been in touch but last few weeks have been manic!! XX (her DH) and I were talking and thought that a visit to see XX (DH) and you all would be fantastic. Was going to message you about this earlier - we're now thinking of booking for a week in late August cos kids go back later this year. The flights are still pretty cheap and XX (her DH) thinks that they'll drop in price after yesterday. Let me know if this works xx"

Cheap fucking flights is what she meant! Please talk me down from telling her to FTFO

Why would we talk you down?

You did the right thing, I would have emailed and asked the same. What a stupid and ignorant comment she made, does she think the nex Berlin Wall is going to be built and you won't get out and she won't get in?

Tell her that you have just sold the spare beds as you figure you will have to move back to the UK soon.
Or tell her you have some nice Polish friends visiting that week.

Omfg, the cheeky fucker. Tell her next year might be better.

I'm not going to talk you down...

Just tell her to fuck off- the events of yesterday have saddened you and you are worried about the future.

I very rarely post on such threads but I am fuming about this and wouldn't talk you down. I'm not engaging with my in laws for similar reasons and I doubt I will see them anytime this year.

I'd go with PaulDacre's wording.

Dear SIL,
As I'm sure you'll appreciate, this is a difficult time for us, with what has just happened and we are very worried about our future and also that of my parents.
Therefore it's not a good time to visit.
Best regards
Spitefulsil
PS. If you do want to go abroad you may want to get your Euros now before the pound goes completely down the pan as a result of your decision.

You're so much nicer than me. My response would be about two words.

Are people really expecting to be deported: Brits out of EU and EU nationals out of the UK? What about just getting a work / family reunification visa?

To the OP: I think you SIL sounds really insensitive. Like she hasn't considered that you might not share her "leave" views. Its not that uncommon a phenomenon. If someone only reads things that reinforce their views, and hangs out with people who share their views, then it is possible to get sucked into a bubble where you begin to think everyone agrees with you.

Whatever the motivation though, i'd not let her come right now as it could end in a big blow up between the two of you. Best let emotions die down for a bit, and then see if you can speak to her about non-Brexit things?

Sorry Pauldacre said it much more eloquently than myself.

Fucking cheek
I'd be telling her to stick her visit up her arse along with her EHICS card cos that's all it's worth now.
Well ok I wouldn't but I'd send a one word reply 'No'

Just tell her no , she's had bloody years to come and visit and now she wants to shit stir and bask in your misery.

Tell her she ain't welcome !

What about just getting a work / family reunification visa?

Are you for real?

Have you any idea how hard that is? (obviously not )

"No, that doesn't work for us."

OP I would reply with:

"Hi, it's always nice to see family, however given the uncertainty that our lives were plunged into yesterday it's just not a good time for us to make any plans with anyone until we've taken stock and figured out what we're going to do ourselves, I hear your lot like Norway if you're still looking for a destination all the best…"

@AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected - yes, I've had them, but not in the UK (I am british). Have you?

I'm thinking go for guilt trip,

Dear SIL,

We are very unhappy about the referendum result so right now we just can't make any plans. I will let you know when I can get my head on straight about our future situation.

Best Wishes ...