To feel disgusted at my DB?

[CowPatRoberts]

This isn't an easy topic, and it's been clear over the last few years that I hold very different opinions to a few members of my family when it comes to issues like this. So please try to see this as a wider problem rather than a one off as that's what I'm struggling with.

I have a younger DB who last night sent me a text from my DFs phone using an awful racial slur, it was in relation to an earlier text I'd sent him about meeting a celebrity at work. When I received the text I initially thought it was from DF and called him- all these reasons running through my head, was it autocorrect(!), was it a typo, or was my DF actually using such an awful word?

My DB answered the phone laughing, and I immediately realised it was him and hung up. My DF called me back without knowing what had happened and couldn't understand why I was so upset, he was laughing and assuming my brother was just being cheeky about something. I said he needed to read his phone and I would speak to him tomorrow, I was mortified and embarrassed.

This morning I receive a text from DB saying:

"I am sorry about yesterday, it wasn't meant to aggravate you it was just meant to be a joke and I understand that you don't always understand my jokes so I will think about it more next time before joking around."

AIBU to not just let it drop? I haven't replied but this is the last straw, he's always been borderline offensive and everyone always made out he was just doing it to be a wind up, but I can't allow my own family to act like this and pretend it's okay. I am so ashamed of him and he just doesn't understand what the problem is.

I have spent so much of my time working with asylum seekers, with victims of trafficking, and have seen first hand what happens when prejudice is allowed to run unchecked. I feel like that if I let this slide I'm contributing to the problem when I'm in the position to be able to help. Just because I'm fortunate enough to be born in a good area, to an educated affluent family does not mean I don't understand the damage this kind of behaviour causes.

[YouAreMySweetestDownfall]

Some of my exs family often used to say racist slurs around me to try and goad me into an argument or make me feel uncomfortable (I'm white British, they just knew I hated all that stuff). I can't argue well so found quietly leaving the room as soon as it started was my most effective protest. They were doing it to get a rise out of me and I wasn't going to play ball. Idiots like that soon get bored.

[Ginkypig]

In my opinion wether you are using language and terms like that in private or in public make no difference.

I never use terms like that infact it wouldn't even occur to me to use language like that because well simply I'm not a racist!

[Justaskingnottelling]

My df said something offensive like this once. I completely lost my rag with him and didn't speak to him for months. He got my mother to apologise to me in the end and 'explain'. He's never done it since. It's completely up to you as it's always a risk that you'll fall out completely, but sometimes showing how angry something makes you is the only way to get people to change how they are around you. Sorry you're having to go through is op, you must be really torn.

[DeathStare]

"DB, I do understand your joke. I just don't find it funny - I find it offensive. As you know I do a lot of work with asylum seekers. I'd really like it if we could arrange a day that you could spend with me at work. I think you'd find it really interesting. Maybe after that we could go for a drink and if you still find the N word funny and inoffensive maybe you might be able to explain that to me"

[GeoffreysGoat]

I'd be tempted to fight it from another angle. Pick an I offensive but unpleasant word and use it instead of his name. "Hi, Dustbin, how are you? Are you and Cabbageface coming to that thing tomorrow?"

When he asks, tell him you were joking. And don't stop calling them the new names. See how funny it us then .