DH doesn't care how he looks - AIBU (and shallow)?

[boggysiscuit]

I think I probably am. Thread over. That was easy.

(Not really)

DH and I are probably both 6/10 on physical appearance but we madly fancy each other and all is well with regard to sex life etc.

Buuuut...it does annoy me that he gives literally not a shit what he wears. He works somewhere without a dress code so wears jeans and t-shirt. Maybe a shirt and tie if meeting a Director. Outside of work it's jeans and t-shirt. Maybe a football shirt. Not nice ones. Skanky ones with holes in. He has a gross coat that looks like a sheepskin number a football manager would have worn in the 80s. The elastic on his pants is barely attached. He has one pair of shoes at a time which he wears to death and then replaces.

I have bought him nicer stuff as gifts in the past like well-made t-shirts or Levis rather than M&S jeans but he never retires the old holey stuff (does this make me sound like a controlling bitch?).

I must say he is meticulous about showering, shaving and smelling nice. It's just the clothes.

I do feel a little embarrassed sometimes that he looks so shabby. He says he doesn't care what other people think. This is what makes me think IABU and shallow.

I'd tell him. Don't bin his stuff, but tell him how nice he scrubs up. Compliments go a long way!

My DH was like this but not so much now. As he's working in a more "professional" role he's upped his game.

And I'd shudder if DH wore his mother's raincoat ick.

Ugh. I'm with you, Cake. gah-ross.

Maybe a few bits could get damaged in the wash. A few of DHs clothes have been destroyed beyond repair this way. Being a lovely wife I have though of course replaced them with something else

I think Sh and I are equally scruffy and well dressed.

We both have beloved t shirts that have seen better days, but we both are capable of scrubbing up.

To be honest I think his mum despairs of me and keeps me buying naice tops when she has seen me in my Nirvana tshirt.

Glad I'm not alone although I definitely wouldn't sneakily bin any of his stuff.

Considering of creating some sort of whitelist for stuff to be worn in company.

Do people genuinely feel its OK to throw out another adult's clothes just because they don't like them?? Imagine the uproar and cries of abuse on here if a man did this to his wife. Just because you have a ring on your finger does NOT mean it is acceptable to try to control them. His clothes, his choice - like it or lump it. A person has the right to choose how they present themselves. Of course, you have the right not to find him attractive anymore and to decide how to respond to that.

I wouldn't be happy if DH was scruffy but I wouldn't dream of throwing out his clothes as I wouldn't be happy if he did it to me!

I don't get the problem with M & S jeans though!

Ahh you don't have to throw things out but you can make sure they don't survive the wash

Dh is like this. He is a builder and does not throw anything out as "It will do for work"
Each night he comes home takes off his dirty and smelly clothes, has a shower and puts on the clothes that he will wear to work tomorrow.

He is only smart for weddings and funerals!

I think a part of the brain that allows logical "does this tshirt go with these trousers?" thinking is lacking in lots of men.
I had to stop my DH from walking out of the door in blue, check-print board shorts and a red shirt in a different check pattern the other day he looked like a mismatched picnic blanket but that apparently didn't register in his brain when he got dressed!
I think because he's in the forces, he wears the same uniform day in day out and doesn't have to think about it....he clearly applies the same rule to choosing civilian clothes too!

My husband never looked in the mirror or combed his hair, always showered twice a day and cleaned his teeth but other than that, unless he felt it was an occassion to 'show respect' he just did not care. It was why I married him, I loved that complete lack of vanity, and disregard for what he, or I for that matter, looked like. Babies and dogs are like that, they love you no matter what you or they look like, they see through the outer layer to the real you.

I could imagine the uproar if someone came on here and said my DH has a list of clothes he allows me to wear on certain occasions. There is too many uptight people in the world today who worry about what others think.

I think it's to be admired.
My OH has to dress smartly for work which he does, but weekends he looks like a tramp, although all his clothes are clean and he showers every day.
It takes a degree of self confidence not to care about what others think.

This place is crazy. If a woman were to post on here that her DH tried to tell her how to dress and threw her clothes away, there would be UPROAR!!

Look up hypocritical in the dictionary, its says 'Mumsnet'

Crikey people are hysterical. I buy all dh clothes he works away. Dh always wears same brand of jeans son when they have holes in the groin or butt I buy a replacement pair and chuck out old pair. Same with shirts and t shirts - everyday ones get replaced with same and old ones gets chucked or used for rags. Hardly abusive

I must admit I sometimes chuck away my other half's clothes if I deem them beyond fixing xD He doesn't get too cross, because I always replace it. I probably shouldn't have to do it, but I cba to get frustrated with it.

My DH is particular - his clothes are beautiful when he buys them, he always wears a proper shirt, cashmere jumper, well cut suit, good coat, decent trousers but he they are ancient and he is very hard on clothes. I would never chose anything for him as he must have his own style and will always have them professionally altered so the fit is impeccable but they are holey, frayed collars, lining ripped in his suits, Church's shoes that are so worn even a tramp would reject them, trainers where there are holes in the toes. He is quite critical of other men's clothes - particularly the fit and fabric. I love him for it.

So long as they are clean I don't really see the problem.

I don't follow fashion. I have to dress in smart stuff for work - which is a struggle. So when out of work I wear a lot of crazy patterned dresses and trainers etc anything comfortable that I feel good in. If my DP tried to bin my stuff, or give me a list of acceptable items to wear somewhere I would be incredibly hurt.

I really do think you need to tell him as otherwise it will continue to nag and bug you - especially if you're ashamed of him sometimes!

Tell him why you want him to dress better - after i remember my bf wearing a suit to his exams as it made him perform better!

Put the nicer clothes within easy grabbing range and the mangy ones out of sight and he will probably just put on the first thing he finds...

he never retires the old holey stuff
You're not alone
I do the laundry. If the holey stuff make it into the laundry basket without been secretly washed and hidden - they don't make it past the washing machine. I'm talking about the holey items that are good enough for rags only, not even fit for donations or clothing bins.
DP has worn t shirts with the crew collar literally worn through.
The only exception are the football/cricket/rugby tops which he keeps in pristine condition. The rest are worn to death.
Bye bye I wave, bye bye.

YANBU and you are not a controlling bitch. You're just looking out for him

Have you tried to lead by example?

If there are items of clothes he finds you attractive in, you can suggest you'll wear them, if he also dresses up closer to your wishes.

My OH had some pretty unflattering tops in his wardrobe when we met. Occasional comments about how red isn't really his colour, how much slimmer he looks without horizontal stripes and how very handsome he looks in blues, greens etc. eventually paid off. Now we have a 1 in, 1 out rule where for every new piece of clothing an old one goes to the charity shop. Result - gradually the awful stuff is going and he looks so much better. Why not try it OP?

I also go out of my way to look scruffy, to annoy the Boden wearing mums at school gates

I manage to look scruffy in Boden! It's an art form...

I think the bin has to be your friend and you have to just chuck out anything you don't like. If he doesn't care, he won't mind wearing things you like, will he?

Nope, not OK at all! Can you imagine the replies on here if it was the woman posting "my husband hates my clothes, he says they're scruffy."

Replies - "The bin has to be his friend." just wouldn't happen, would they?
You'd get to told to LTB if he tried to ditch your clothes without your say so.