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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really frustrated over dh and his eu vote?

70 replies

Babysafari · 23/06/2016 18:59

I know I shouldn't be, it's his vote and his choice.

We have both been undecided with him leaning towards out and me towards in.

The difference is that I take an interest in politics. I'm not saying I understand everything but I've read up loads about the eu and found out as much information as I can.

Dh has no interest in politics, he's never voted before, he can't name the leaders of any of the parties, he's refused to watch any of the referendum stuff. He couldn't tell you a single fact about the eu, he thought we only joined 10 years ago.

He's voted out on the basis that he thinks there'll be more jobs.

It's not the way he voted it's that he's made such an uninformed decision.

OP posts:

Olddear · 23/06/2016 20:40

Not sure me and DH have ever voted the same!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/06/2016 20:43

Different political ideas and approaches puts me off a partner. I've dried up with a potential partner who I have been flirting with for over a year over his EU ref views.

Don't know how to tell him that I am not interested anymore... This bloody ref spoiled my one chance in an age of any action.

So, yanbu- I can totally understand how conversations about politics can be frustrating and make you look at someone differently. It's disappointing.

IonaNE · 23/06/2016 20:45

Well, I usually say everyone should vote, but cases like several of the above, and your dh's, OP, makes me wonder if we should stop these participation drives. Maybe only people who are interested in these issues in the first place should vote.

RaeSkywalker · 23/06/2016 20:47

My DH voted differently to me at the general election. I didn't mind because was informed, and believed that he was voting for the party that were right for Britain even though he was wrong

I understand why you're frustrated that your DH's decision appears uninformed. That's the beauty of democracy though! We all have a right to vote, informed and uninformed alike.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2016 20:48

The only mistake OP's husband made was to not tell OP to mind her own business.

There are valid arguments for both sides in this referendum, it's not as if there is a 'right' result because how can anybody truly know the ramifications of either?

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2016 20:50

Yabvu would you have felt that if he voted remain!

scarlets · 23/06/2016 20:51

No one is particularly informed. The "experts" don't agree. There's no right or wrong answer. Nobody knows what will happen in the event of Brexit. Nobody knows if the EU is sustainable. Many people will have voted instinctively today. He's one of many.

Alibobbob · 23/06/2016 20:54

Don't tell him and be smug in the knowledge that your vote will cancel out his vote.

Original poster

Babysafari · 23/06/2016 20:55

Don't worry lying he can stick up for himself.

Actually it was me who had to tell him where the polling station was and what would happen. He didn't even think he could vote because he couldn't find his polling card he was adamant that he needed it.

There were valid arguments on both sides I agree no one can be sure what will happen.

Trouble is dh didn't listen to any of them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Babysafari · 23/06/2016 20:58

I think I would be annoyed whichever way he voted. I do get annoyed by him often because he sees a headline on a newspaper and decides it's the truth and it drives me bonkers.

OP posts:

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/06/2016 21:02

At uni, I found the guys at the front of the lecture hall sexier than the bloke with headphones in at the back. Seems like the same thing here- being open to the information widely published around you rather than almost deliberate ignorance, would be a much sexier approach for me from a partner, regardless of which way they voted.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2016 21:06

... and the outcome would by the same babysafari. My choice was considered; it's the same as your husband's. It makes no difference. Your choice is either with Dave Cameron at the helm or Boris... hardly an indictment of good judgement, is it?

Your relationship sounds quite argumentative if you can argue over crap in newspapers which again, truth or fiction, who can say? Each to their own but I like peace to reign and I really would wind my neck in if my husband voted in a different way.

CodewordRochambeau · 23/06/2016 21:13

I sympathise with your frustration, but I'm afraid that democracy means an equal vote for everyone, regardless of how educated or informed they are...

JJbum · 23/06/2016 21:14

My husband says exactly the same. He couldn't have married someone entirely apathetic about politics. So no, I don't feel remotely stupid saying it about him. Everyone has different priorities and different areas of importance for compatibility in a life partner. This is an important area for me. I also couldn't have married someone racist or homophobic, for example, another area where shared values are important to me.

RosesareSublime · 23/06/2016 21:31

Op without a doubt I did more research and have more knowledge on the subject and the broader subject than DH.

He voted in, I voted OUT with passion.

I mean burning passion and I have to say right there in the booth with my dd, small innocent child, I did feel angry that DH was giving away her future power, that her little vote when she is old, may if we loose mean nothing.

She will be a cog in a much bigger wheel with a true power far removed from where she is. Westminster is just for show.

Yes I felt in that moment the momentous thing DH had done to our dd.

But, I quickly got over it and reminded myself this is democracy, ironically as he voted to give ours away.

RosesareSublime · 23/06/2016 21:35

This is why we shouldn't be having a referendum. It's too important a decision to be made by people who have no idea what they're doing

you tell me what we are doing here on this earth in the first place and then you might reassure me that any of us really ever know whats going to happen and what we are doing...

Original poster

Babysafari · 23/06/2016 21:39

We don't really argue about it as such.

I'd say dh has had a very privileged upbringing. He's got no worries even now because his family are wealthy and would always be available to help. I've had the opposite upbringing so if he gets judgmental about something I can't help but jump in.

Just for example we were watching a programme about a man he was in debt. Dh was disgusted and asked how you can get to 40 and not have anything, as in have any assets.

At that point I can't help but say something but dh totally zones out.

He's a great bloke in lots of ways but I find him so closed minded and I'm probably relating that to this.

So all in all it's probably about more than the vote.

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 23/06/2016 23:20

YABU and should agree to disagree. You don't own a person or their choices

SaveSomeSpendSome · 23/06/2016 23:28

I dont understand people who "spoil their vote"

If you turn up to the polling station just to scribble on the voting card so there is no vote on it to count then you have far too much time on your hands!

beetroot2 · 23/06/2016 23:39

Not sure what research means to be fair. We only get fed what people/politicians and their armies want us to hear whether it be in or out. Its up to the individual to vote for whatever reason they want to.

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