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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really frustrated over dh and his eu vote?

70 replies

Babysafari · 23/06/2016 18:59

I know I shouldn't be, it's his vote and his choice.

We have both been undecided with him leaning towards out and me towards in.

The difference is that I take an interest in politics. I'm not saying I understand everything but I've read up loads about the eu and found out as much information as I can.

Dh has no interest in politics, he's never voted before, he can't name the leaders of any of the parties, he's refused to watch any of the referendum stuff. He couldn't tell you a single fact about the eu, he thought we only joined 10 years ago.

He's voted out on the basis that he thinks there'll be more jobs.

It's not the way he voted it's that he's made such an uninformed decision.

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 23/06/2016 19:22

My husband voted out and was disappointed when I didn't

But I simply pointed out it was my choice to vote my way, just as it is his.

Done. Simple

I spoilt my vote because I didn't agree with the referendum in the first place

Passthecake30 · 23/06/2016 19:24

We've voted against each other here, dp has watched the news etc....I haven't. He hasn't made a big deal as its none of his business.

5BlueHydrangea · 23/06/2016 19:25

I've been torn. I'm not all that up to speed about much of politics but I have done some research about this. Having said that I still sat outside in the car for 10 minutes debating with myself ( and my 6 year old...) before I went in! I voted and felt very relieved afterwards so hopefully was right decision!
My dh is very vocal and watches a lot of politics. He voted out.
My adult dd was also vocal but not as loudly (!) and voted in!
And my 6 year old felt we should vote in, so I did.

2nds · 23/06/2016 19:25

You all do realise that Cameron can decide not to come out of the EU if the outcome is out?

LineyReborn · 23/06/2016 19:28

Yes, I do realise that, 2nds . It's all over the front page of a national broadsheet's website.

Original poster
Babysafari · 23/06/2016 19:29

Good point I probably would have still been annoyed because I've wanted him to get interested. He's just not interested in politics at all he'd rather believe random headlines but a lot of people are the same.

You're all right though it's democracy.

Just needed perspective. I'm not discussing politics with him in future!

OP posts:
pointythings · 23/06/2016 19:30

mrsfuzzy my 13- and 15-yo DDs are a lot more clued up about politics than very many adults...

OP, I think there are a lot of people who have weighed the arguments and who have still ended up voting with their heart, not their head. Because the campaigning has been so toxic and so riddled with distortions and lies that they really had no other choice.

At least your DH voted. We live in a democracy where everyone has a vote, even those who choose to remain uninformed. We should be glad of that even as we fume.

VenusRising · 23/06/2016 19:32

That's terrible OP.

The problem with a democracy is they let anyone vote!! Wink

In or Out, I think this has been a very mud slinging and divisive referendum.

Crunchymum · 23/06/2016 19:34

Me and DP had a heated discussion earlier... a shame as a) we had a rare child free few hours and b) he hasn't actually voted!!!

lilybunch · 23/06/2016 19:38

OP, that would annoy me too! My DP and I often vote differently and have a lot of different views on politics, but we love discussing it and having a good old debate! Which sounds dead sad now I write it down....
We're agreed on this referendum though Smile

Original poster
Babysafari · 23/06/2016 19:38

I can see I'm being stupid now.

I think he has voted with his heart. I wasn't completely sure even up until this morning but I did try to gather as many facts as I could and I came away happy with my vote.

I think the campaigning has been terrible, really bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babysafari · 23/06/2016 19:39

I did wonder whether anyone's had a row at the polling station or anything like that.

OP posts:
MelanieCheeks · 23/06/2016 19:43

Democracy, and what it means, has been a big issue in the pre-ref debates. And every side agrees it's A Good Thing. But democracy does mean that not everyone will vote the same way as you do. Or even approach their vote in the same way.

hudyerwheesht · 23/06/2016 19:56

I'm hoping this thread will give me perspective too, OP. I Had a heated debate after getting reluctantly dragged into a conversation about who I was going to vote for and its left me annoyed.

He's done loads of research and listened to hours of debate so has an informed decision at least but far too much of his reasoning sounds like your average UKIP voters argument (controlled immigration,etc) and its left a bad taste in my mouth.

fireandicecubes · 23/06/2016 19:57

DH has voted out as far as I know, I've voted in. We had a few cross words (major row) when the campaigning started & we haven't really discussed it since except to agree to disagree. He gives me the rage over it & it would probably end in divorce if we did discuss it.

exWifebeginsat40 · 23/06/2016 19:57

he can use his vote however he sees fit. my DP and i are opposite, politically. it doesn't mean we shouldn't be together.

UnderslungBowlingBall · 23/06/2016 20:02

Frankly I don't give a flaming rat what anyone voted or why they voted how they did, I just want to find out where we stand and start picking up the pieces, wherever they may fall.

SemiNormal · 23/06/2016 20:07

YABU, but you know that. It doesn't matter his reason for voting whichever way he wants, he could pick a choice from a hat if he likes, ultimately it's his decision.

JJbum · 23/06/2016 20:08

I'd be annoyed with my husband, if he did that too. I get very impatient when people don't even try to inform themselves over something so important. But then I'd find it very hard to be married to someone with that kind of political apathy in the first place. Being honest, I'm not sure I could have married someone like that! Horses for courses and all that but it would be a big area of incompatibility for me. So, to me, YNBU - at least you're still with him Grin

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 23/06/2016 20:08

But how is this country meant to develop and grow if no one discusses politics? People shouldn't be afraid to talk about it!

Fwiw DH and I were on the same side (Remain) ever today, but we had a fair few lively discussions around IndyRef.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 23/06/2016 20:10

My Own DC asked today 'are people were voting leave because they want cameron out?'

My 8yo DC has pretty much summed up the reason many people I know are voting leave and that's whats so sad. It has fuck all to do with cameron being in or out.

It has become about hate not politics imo.

hudyerwheesht I've never understood the immigration angle. Last time I checked around 50% was from the EU, If we wanted immigration control why not control the other 50% and cut the total in half?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2016 20:17

The posters who are blithely talking about divorce and whether they should have married somebody like that... I expect you'd be rather gutted if your husband's said the same about you. You sound rather silly.

quasibex · 23/06/2016 20:24

I'm with you babysafari it's not so much the choice of their vote it's that they may as well have flipped a coin if they can't be bothered to look into what they are voting for...even reading the summary article on the BBC would have given him some information.

Surprisingly my husband and I voted the same today. Politically we are polar opposites but agrend on the same instinct to vote.

Original poster
Babysafari · 23/06/2016 20:34

Dh is like this with everything to be honest.

He hates reading anything full stop, it's a running joke that every time he builds anything he refuses to read the instructions then starts ranting half way through that there's a load of parts missing.

I inevitably read the instructions and find the part, every time. I'm crap at the building part though.

OP posts:
RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 23/06/2016 20:40

That's how democracy works op...........
We voted opposite views, no big deal Bec we respect each other's views and decisions.

OP doesn't have to respect a decision that was not made on a sound basis. It's the process of decision making she is objecting to, not the way her DH voted, and I agree completely.

This is why we shouldn't be having a referendum. It's too important a decision to be made by people who have no idea what they're doing.