The cat is BU, surely?

[eggpoacher]

I have a happy, healthy cat who lacks nothing and gets plenty of attention.
Her number one favourite activity is to lie in the garden miaowing to herself in a kind of pained way as if she's having the worst day of her feline life. She doesn't want/need anything - she just can't seem to tell the difference between her 'purr' switch and her 'make a heart-rending racket' switch.
The neighbours look at me suspiciously as if they're about to report me for neglect any minute. Random strangers and delivery people also comment on it.
What is this madness? She's BVU, no?

Mine meows at 3 am like someone is torturing her - she just wants to get in our bedroom

User- mine does too, I've started using ear plugs. I wouldn't mind if he curled up and went to sleep but he wants to play!!

In a neat juxtaposition of cats and the referendum, I caught DH (undecided) asking Tigercat2 what she thought Brexit would mean for the availability of her favourite food. I did point out that currently that's bunnies but he still consulted her

My grey puddle of fur has appropriated the pillow at the foot of my bed which is now his. If I have a pain in my foot that necessitates raising my foot (with said pillow), I am expected to find another bed/room and pillow with which to do this. He likes to lie with his head on the pillow and look appealing.

at looking appealing. My girl cat sleeps curled up in a little ball. Boy cat sprawls across middle of bed taking up as much room as possible and looking up as if to say "Well, aren't I gorgeous? I'm so worth it."

If I get up for an early morning wee, Lemmy will follow me around throwing himself in front of me for stroking and praise. When I dare to return to bed I will get an outraged little paw round my ankle. He will then follow me into the bedroom to glare reproachfully.

Our cat accidentally got locked out once. When we realised - two hours later - and let her in, she glared, walked under the desk, and stepped straight onto the switch of the surge box, killing the computer.

This was NOT an accident.

You can own a dog but a cat owns you.

My Boo Boo likes to howl at the bottom of the stairs in the early hours. When you go downstairs to see what is the matter he purrs loudly and delightedly and rolls about wanting some cuddling.

You have the wrong kind of grass, OP. Cats are never unreasonable!

Our one cat is fairly normal, miaows for food, chitters at birds, occasionally brings in something smalled and furry/feathered (distressing!) And demands butter whenver the fridge is opened at breakfast time.
The other one is an evil soul-eating demon who I swear is determined to kill us on the stairs. She draws you into playing with her with her cute eyes and floor rolling (or to even dare to stroke her) and then bites your hand, accompanied by the most aggrieved look of "how dare you touch me mortal!"

One of our two brought a mouse home about 2am this morning. He taps on the bedroom window and squeaks to get us up and let him in then hurls himself at the window if we don't hear him We had the window open a bit to let some cool air in, but not wide enough for him to get it. He managed to throw his dead mouse through the gap and then shriek until DH got up- and trod on the mouse. Cat was most put out by mouse being unavailable for deconstruction when he came in.

I dozed off with the phone in my hand reading this thread, only to be rudely awoken by PieCat bouncing off my stomach in the middle of a chase of some (invisible) prey. Wouldn't mind, but the last few weeks he has decided breakfast is somewhere between 3.45 and 4.15, so not much sleep now until the next feline onslaught!

YABVVVVU.

I agree, you have the wrong grass. You should have cushioned your lawn.

My DC is a very vocal puss. She likes to lie along the back of the sofa in front of the window and shout very loudly at the birds who dare be on the lawn/in the trees/in the sky and on the other side of the glass. We haven't figured out yet if she thinks they will keel over because of the loud miawing. Lazy Bogis.

DCAT obviously. Not Dear Child, that would be odd.

I'm not sure if you guys have seen the sad cat diary video on YouTube (also don't know how to link!) but a lot of your cats seem to be channelling it!
Here goes with link attempt m.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

OP, I was on my way to sleep & thought, just a quick bedtime thread.

Now am wide awake & still chuckling at 'is your grass comfortable enough' :)

My boy is currently out with his ginger mate, around 3.30 both will start their ever more eloquent speech as to why the lazy human really ought to get up & fix a snack, followed by cuddling up to me either side , trapping the duvet & super heating me to roasting temperature.

Happy days :)

Oh, part time buddy of my boys nicknamed 'psycho kitten' due to his manic meaow & body language popped by earlier, I had the audacity to slightly lift him off the ground & plant a smacker on the top of his head.

The face on him!!! Proper 'how very dare you' followed by screeching and a swipe at my foot :) :)

My bastard cat bought home a dead bird, in which DC found. So not only did I have to bury the bird for the DC sake but also had to deal with bastard cats disapproval that I didn't do what ever she thought I had to do with it.

Lol that's sounds so cute and cats are just weirdos my cat meows at me several times and I have to reply to her 5 times before she jumps on my bed to come sleep. I never understand this game she plays with me

This made me snort laughter: She then reminds me how much she despises me by sitting on my lap for a cuddle and then slapping me across the face

My friend's cat once got startled by a book dropping onto the floor with a bang and said "woof". My friend was very proud of her pet's foreign language skills.

How old is she, and has she always done this? The reason I am asking is that one of our cats (age unknown) has developed all sorts of funny behaviours recently, including vocalising, sitting in very uncomfortable places, not coming indoors, OCD scratching etc. The vet has diagnosed him with dementia! He can still spot a fridge door being opened at a great distance, and waits patiently for his 'treat' after his breakfast and tea.

YABU. As a previous poster said, no cat is ever unreasonable. Even when they keep peeing on the sofa Coz I went away for the weekend and left them with two cat sitters.

I've actually forgotten what the question was...

One of my boys will announce his arrival home by wailing for a few minutes, day or night. Visitors often hear him at 4am - we've become hardened to it.

Is your grass comfortable enough? This. I think you should be making some checks or perhaps re-seeding entirely.

My 19 year old cat is, most decidedly, unreasonable, if only for two reasons.

(1) He seems to think that I can survive him falling asleep, in the middle of the night, draped across my face. The amount of times I've been woken spluttering for oxygen and had to move a deeply asleep (and snoring!) cat from my nose and mouth in the last 19 years or so... well, let's put it this way, the GP tries to offer me sleeping pills and looks vaguely anxious when I decline them saying "I'd never wake up again... trust me on this one!!!". But ever since the first night we had him, the only place he can apparently fall asleep when it's dark, is curled up next to my head...

(2) Every morning, at 0615, after he has demanded that the household awake (who needs an alarm clock when you have a cat with a working digestive system?!), and we're all downstairs blearily starting our days, he thunders back upstairs and has the feline equivalent of a toddler tantrum/meltdown, because there's no warm bodies in any of the beds for him to take the morning chill off his tootsies upon. Our neighbours have asked if everything's once or twice (thin wall), because of the pitiful yodelling that goes on (he sits and mournfully cries to the point that it sounds like a small child saying "hello?!" over, and over, and over again... and no matter how many times I stand at the foot of the stairs - a whole 12 steps below him - and tell him that we're all downstairs/trying to eat breakfast/for God sake, cat, get a grip!?!?!, he never listens...) and look slightly askance when I have to point out that I no longer have a toddler whom they think I'm abusing, but it's a bloody cat... well, I've lost count.

But you know something, I'm going to be heartbroken when he eventually dies. Some of his quirks are because of feline dementia (which he was diagnosed with 12 years or so ago... the vet is astounded by the fact he's still going - but then; he is very spoiled!), but most of them he's had since he was 3 weeks old and I rescued him from being drowned by his mother's "owner"'s son).

My cat decided to wash her dirty paws in my water that I drank from all night. I only found out when I saw the dirt lumps at the bottom of my glass this morning!
She normally does this to her own water bowl but what else do you do when it's the middle of the night, you're in bed and your paws need a clean?