The cat is BU, surely?

[eggpoacher]

I have a happy, healthy cat who lacks nothing and gets plenty of attention.
Her number one favourite activity is to lie in the garden miaowing to herself in a kind of pained way as if she's having the worst day of her feline life. She doesn't want/need anything - she just can't seem to tell the difference between her 'purr' switch and her 'make a heart-rending racket' switch.
The neighbours look at me suspiciously as if they're about to report me for neglect any minute. Random strangers and delivery people also comment on it.
What is this madness? She's BVU, no?

My cat lays in the front grass meowing like he's mortally wounded until we fetch him and carry him inside. We've tried everything! Treats shaken at the door to make him come inside, toys, food...

In the end we always relent and pick him up and bring him in where he promptly curls up and goes to sleep. The lazy git knows exactly what he's doing.

My neighbour came over once to complain that my cat was meowing in my garden at 5.30pm.
I'm still not sure quite what he intended me to do about it. I suppose I could have answered "All hail, Bastet, queen of the cats for her fur is of fine silk, her poo does not smell and her meows are more beautiful than the nightingale. All heretics will be pelted with mouse entrails."
But that would have made me some sort of loon, so I didn't.

Madhatter. That is awful.

Ooh- my cat does that rather than use the cat flap that's a metre away from him!!

The cat who peed in my house is BVU!
Not my cat, I don't have one.

Cigars

I love a good cat thread!

QuimCat should have been called Shroedinger. She literally cannot understand why she can't simultaneously be on both sides of the back door. She meows to be let out, does a pirouette and meows to be let in. And repeat ad bloody nauseum. It's maddening.

I think the problem is that she seems to be labouring under a belief that weather "resets" itself with each opening of the door, so when she goes out to find it icky and damp she thinks "ah well, I'll go back in and try again". She has now developed a startling bank of evidence to contradict her belief system, but clings faithfully to it.

Cats are never unreasonable - servants humans are.

We should be grateful when they go to the trouble of catching mice/birds for us, bringing them home alive and releasing them in the house.

My sleek, lovely black cat howls in French every morning for someone to turn the faucet on for his morning sip....After he sits on the morning papers and howls some more. His day continues on to the window sill where he will chastise the birds, the postie, random school children and the sun in a loud voice before finally having one of twenty naps.

French?

your cat it being a teenager by the sounds of things

My kitten weed in our suitcase the night before our holiday - he says it's because he was sad and would miss us - I think he's a fury little twat

Guys, as hilarious as all your cat stories are, I don't feel like we are helping OP to resolve her issue? OP have you tried rolling around in the grass with your cat, showing it how to purr properly? Mine often responds well to this, however also sometimes she just mistakes my face for a new plaything to destroy. 50/50 Chances. In any event, the cat is BQU but frankly it doesn't sound as though you've tried much to alleviate the problem. Is your grass comfortable enough?

We had a "yowler" once, no reason, no purpose other than to annoy the hell out if us at 02.30 when he (Harvey Moonface) felt like it.

Maddiemoo50 on the other hand does this "pathetic" silent meow, looking at me with her green eyes. God, I love my cat.

Is your grass comfortable enough?

I agree.

madhatter that's exactly what my dh would do if his favourite cat (yes I know.. He has favorites) left me a 'present'!

OP of course he's not BU, you are BVU for questioning him.

YCIBU (Your Cat Is...)

My cat, on the other hand is DNBU. I chucked the kitten/ cat out at around 1am (before it was raining anyway) because he was biting my feet and jumping on my head. Then I slept right through the thunderstorm that seems to be a more popular topic of conversation on Facebook than the referendum. I think little cat has been very forgiving of me actually.

Cats are really really U for being so gorgeous and silky and purry and divinely self-centred - and making me sneeze and wheeze like a red eyed twat whenever I get within 50 yards of one

The grass is very comfortable, which probably contributes to the fact that said cat carefully chooses to lie on a patch of concrete when someone is looking, for added woe factor.

Mine isn't very loud, despite having siamese heritage.

He uses his voice mainly to let us know he's got himself stuck in the house somewhere. Once he hears us calling for him he shuts up, knowing we know he's stuck and needs rescuing. Only then we can't find him.

Trying to teach him that he needs to keep shouting to direct us to his hiding place, but that IVU apparently. We should know where he is.

KC225, Darling Cat is so elegant and sleek, we naturally assume he is French. His brother is scruffy, likes his food and cuddles up to dh to watch American football so we assume he is American..(Dh has all the same traits and is American so it all hangs together)..

Hmmmmm maybe mine is yowling in French too that's why I can't understand what he wants?

I swear I heard MiffleCat say "fuck off" to me the other day when I tried to detach her from the pile of clean bedding she decided to sit on.

I'm convinced of it.

"MiaFUCKOFFow"

Then she looked at me with a "yeah yeah so what whatever" face. I recognise this as I see it on my teens. I think she learnt this from them actually. I should teach her to just flick the Vs behind my back like they do instead of saying "fuck"

May I ask what breed your Drama Queen is? Siamese or anything oriental perhaps? Even just a crossbeed/mix of anything oriental?

Haha! Miffle your cat sounds wonderful!

Oh Siamese is a good call

MiffleCat IS ace. Apparently she texted DH at work the other day to complain I wasn't giving her enough Dreamies. DH told me all about it when he got home. (I don't know if that makes me, DH or the cat seem the saddest)