Did I do wrong here?

[NeedACleverNN]

My family appear to have fallen out with me over babysitting issues.

I have a wedding to go on Saturday and would like to enjoy the evening child free. So I advertised for a baby sitter. I didn't bother to ask my side of the family as I have previously been let down A LOT and I knew they busy in the first place. They had posted all over FB the other day about how mum was at work but dad and little brother will be at a bbq and mum will join them after work has finished.

My sister went nuts at me because I didn't ask them first.

I didn't ask my sister because she has a 4 year old and 6 month old and the baby sitting would be when the children are in bed. So she would be unavailable anyway. She wouldn't understand my predicament anyway as for her entire parenting life, whenever she needed a babysitter my mum has re-arranged everything in order to do it. If I ask, she makes excuses as to why she can't.

My favourite example was when I asked if she could look after my children for the night and she said she couldn't as she was working. No problem. However the night in question, she then posted photos all over FB of my niece and nephew who she was babysitting

My family are now refusing to speak to me and I know when they eventually do, it will be how hurt they are etc etc etc.

So did I actually do anything wrong in the first place by bypassing everyone and finding my own private sitter?

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

Therapy helped btw and I can see what she's doing now. I don't think she does it consciously, which is why I put up with it. But yes, it's emotional abuse.

[diddl]

At the very least I think tha tyou should try low contact.

They treat you really badly & you'd probably drop a friend who treated you like that.

It shouldn't be any different because they're related.

And if they treat you badly, why should they get to see your daughter?

How long before they are the same with her?

Well, they already are, aren't they as you do all the running!

[NeedACleverNN]

I know you are right diddl but like they say old habits die hard.

My dh is ever so frustrated with me. He was the one who originally pointed out everything. He is the one who has to pick up the pieces every time. Yet he will never stop me going back because he respects my choice.

For now though, if they don't want to talk to me, I won't be speaking to them. Let's see how long it lasts

[diddl]

Oh I'm sure it's not easy.

I have one sibling & an aging parent.

We are all in different countries & I see my parent more than my sibling & occasionally we crossover on our visits iyswim.

We get on well enough when we do see each other & they are always on about keeping in touch & it'll be just us two soon.

But it's always me doing the contacting & they rarely answer specific questions.

I suppose they are just very self centred.

I know that it's nothing like what you are going through, but it has taken me time to accept this & not to invest too much of myself in it all.

[TheNaze73]

YANBU. They are