My brother is very big on liberal principles and likes to see himself as very tolerant. I am really fond of him, but he always raises the topic of how our parents are, and then insists on telling me I'm getting it all wrong. So I'd like to know what you think.
For example, I left my ex-H in what most people would see as a very amicable split a couple of years ago (no children). My dad was devastated and developed a set of frankly bonkers theories. We ended up not speaking for months as he and my mum simply couldn't accept I wasn't mentally ill or on the verge of breakdown, and refused to stop telling me how to get back together with ex.
At that time, my brother repeatedly insisted that my dad should be humoured, and explained away the more sexist bits of what he was saying (dad had got the idea my DP must be unhappy with me having a career, which absolutely wasn't the case, but which dad thought was an obvious reason for divorce).
Since then, I met my DP. We are very happy, TTC, planning to get married. DP is a woman. I would say my parents coped unexpectedly well with this. They are quite socially sheltered and have very little experience of either divorce or same sex relationships, and they certainly weren't happy when I was in my teens and came out - though obviously that's a long time ago and I'm quite impressed how much they've changed. But, they do obviously still find aspects of it a bit difficult.
DP and I were chatting about this, and my brother insisted that we were overreacting, saying he was sure our parents didn't think being a same-sex relationship was a big deal. He told me that in 2016 there's no prejudice any more, and I ended up feeling as if I'd just accused my parents of flagrant homophobia. Which I hadn't.
I feel he goes through the world as a straight white man, believing that if he says prejudice doesn't exist, he must be right. It's beginning to strain our relationship, because he won't simply avoid the subject of how dad is, or sit out of an argument.