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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to cancel Christening?

80 replies

Rubyblues21 · 20/06/2016 22:00

Hi Everyone, this is my first post and I would really appreciate your opinions.

I have been organising my baby's christening for the last few months. I have got a beautiful church with a very welcoming congregation to do the service and I have booked a big hall with a bar for the party afterwards. I was also hoping to book catering, entertainment ect. for the day. Basically I just wanted to make it a really enjoyable day for everyone as well as it being my LO's special day.

I got some really lovely invitations printed (they are really beautiful IMO) which included a date a for RSVPing and a card to send back with an envelope addressed to me. Now unfortunately the RSVP date has come and gone. I sent out 70 invitations (which totalled about 130 people) to various friends and both sides of the family. Out of 70 invitations I have got back 12. I feel so sad about this and I am wondering if I should cancel the hall and just have a small church service, with just our parents and grandparents ect?

I am quite disappointed really, I was really hoping a few people would want to come and celebrate with us. Especially disappointed that not even the god parents have replied as well as a number of close friends and family. I hand delivered most of them, so I know they all arrived.

Should I cancel the hall and all the things I have planned and just say to the few who did reply "thank you so much but its been cancelled due to lack of interest" (or words to that effect).

It doesn't seem worth spending lots of money on a hall, bar, catering, cake and entertainment for like 30 people? I don't mind spending the money if there's a good crowd but now I think I would rather just put that money into her savings account.

What do you think? Feeling a bit sad, but thats life.

Thank you for reading xx

OP posts:

Mrscog · 21/06/2016 07:25

As a godparent recently , having had the 'yes I'd love to, what day is it?' Conversation and my friend seeing me put it on my calendar I wouldn't have thought I'd have needed to reply. Same for close friends and family if you've already given them the date.

RosieandJim89 · 21/06/2016 07:25

I think alot of people are being very rude here. I am as atheist as can be. I have only been to 2 christenings as an adult as I do my best to avoid them and I do not repeat the words spoken by the congregation as it makes me uncomfortable. However, the OP is within her rights to celebrate. I have always known christenings to be followed by a party.
OP people do not RSVP. Even for my wedding very few people bothered. I had to chase. If you want to stick to your original plan I suggest you start sending some texts.

BoGrainger · 21/06/2016 07:26

Wow! I'm actually stunned at 130 people invited to a christening. Agree though, you need to firm up the numbers with a text or FB 'event' page

Cornishclio · 21/06/2016 07:32

Rude for people not to rsvp but 130 people for a christening is a lot. If these are not close family/friends it may have just been out somewhere and forgotten about. Sorry and hope you have a nice day however many cancel.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 21/06/2016 07:34

Catering for 130'is a big deal and I can see why this is a worry. People are rubbish about invites so you are going to have to ring around to get an idea of numbers if you want to keep the date. I'm just involved in the church side of stuff so I don't see the parties afterwards but most are in the garden or in a local pub so the scale of what you are planning seems unusual to me so maybe that has caught your guests out. They are expecting the usual informal sausage roll and sandwich and you are planning something much more elaborate. Maybe scale the thing back so that there is less at stake if life happens and even some of your RSVPed people can't come.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 21/06/2016 07:42

It's not that unusual to send out invites for a christening surely?

We had much more low key christenings for my DC - maybe 20-25 people invited with refreshments at our house after - and we sent out invites because it seemed like the easiest way of making sure everyone had all the necessary details about times and places.

Everyone RSVPed but then all the invitees were people we were very close to.

DangerousBeanz · 21/06/2016 07:49

We had a big christening party for my daughter. It was on the Sunday afternoon, separate from the normal service and done at our local church by the vicar who had been a lifelong friend of my late father.

My hubby is an atheist, but I've always been a churchin goer although fairly irregularly.

We viewed the christening and the party afterwards as a way of introducing or daughter to the extended family and our friends and thanking them for their good wishes and generous gifts when she was born, as well as welcoming her intomy church community. It was a lovely occasion for both the religious and none religious, so I completely understand why the OP has invited do many people, we did the same.

OP don't cancel. Chase People. They are being crap but we never know what is going on in other people's lives and posting the card might just have dropped off their radar. Have a beautiful and memorable day with your LO.

coconutpie · 21/06/2016 07:54

LOL!! Another that agrees you appear to have gotten a wedding and christening mixed up. What on earth were you thinking by inviting 130 people? And inviting everybody who gave you a gift? You realise you look really grabby, right? Attending a christening means you should bring a gift. So if say a casual acquaintance gave a gift, now you've invited them to christening so they'll feel like they have to give yet another gift.

I've never understood the fuss over christenings and having these giant parties. I only attend those of close family / friends. You have gone way overboard.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 21/06/2016 08:04

It's OK to have large party after a Christening is that is what she wants or is the norm in her family.

It's not OK to criticise it just because it's so unusual.

Yes, you can have a Christening minus the godparents as you can have someone stand proxy for them at the ceremony itself.

And yes, OP, you're going to have to ring round.

MeMySonAndl · 21/06/2016 08:05

I just believe that people is put through so many loops for weddings that having to follow a similar process for a christening, may feel off putting.

As someone has said above, you shouldn't make people behave to the standards you have set for your child's christening, perhaps they think a christening should be more about being welcome to the church rather than having a little wedding, perhaps they don't want to live to your expectation but I think it is more likely that they just assumed that being a christening the RVSP was just too formal.

Get in the phone to check the numbers, and stop being all dramatic about the godparents not replying (if I had said yes and you were making a fuss because I didn't RSVP I would think that you are demented and probably feel very offended).

We had the mega expensive full of stupid tat wedding, so I hated the idea of repeating the experience and insisted for a low key christening in our local church at the main Sunday service. We made a point of not letting anyone know until the day before and we just said we were not doing anything special (feel free not to come) but having coffee and cake at home after the service.

I was pretty surprised to find over 30 of our friends at church and it was lovely to see more than 400 people welcoming DS into the congregation in the true sense of the word.

meditrina · 21/06/2016 08:06

"Attending a christening means you should bring a gift."

No. You're getting that confused with a shower.

It's fine to go empty-handed to a christening, though most people would send a card. And fists would be both small and religious/spiritual in nature, so a prayer card is perfect.

MeMySonAndl · 21/06/2016 08:07

All my friends brought gifts (we were not expecting any)

purplevase4 · 21/06/2016 08:29

I'm surprised about some of the rude replies on here. I've only ever been to one christening, and it was quite a big event. And if I received an invite to one I'd reply. It's the people who can't be bothered to reply who are at fault here not the OP for not having a "small scale" christening. I actually thought they were quite big events, but as said have only been to one and didn't bother for my ds.

OP can you email people?

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 21/06/2016 08:29

Gobsmacked reading this thread.

Astonished at inviting 130 people to a christening.
Astonished at the OP having a christening in some random church.
Astonished so many people say people are hopeless with RSVPs.

I had my 40th birthday party two years ago. I sent out 40 invitations eight weeks before the event. Every single person/couple replied (only two to say they couldn't come). Where do other people find these flaky lazy friends who can't be arsed to reply to an invitation?

TheNaze73 · 21/06/2016 08:36

I don't agree with a lot of what's been said on here OP.....

I think your friends have been flaky, text them. You do whatever you want with the christening. I would stick to the original plan

MeMySonAndl · 21/06/2016 08:39

Perchaos they are simply not used to be requested to RSVP for anything other than weddings.

Or they are part of newer generations where such formalists are old fashioned and phased out by Facebook's confirm attendance facility.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 21/06/2016 08:43

medit maybe the christening gifts thing is culturally variable...

I have o l briefly brushed shoulders with people who do baby showers, but growing up in a c of e family and now living abroad in southern Germany christening gifts are quite substantial. In both cultures a christening gift from a family member or close family friend (the people actually "invited" to the funeral, not the general church congregation obviously) is something the child might keep all their life or throughout childhood - engraved cutlery, special christening bracelets (for boys as well), "special" toddler china dinner sets, a silver or china traditional child's money box, nice hard backed editions of classic children's literature (or a child's bible or other religious children's literature for the more seriously religious guest) etc etc. Christening gifts have a degree of symbolism rather than the practical for parents baby equipment gifts people might give at baby showers or unprompted when a baby is born but in lots of circles they are quite substantial gifts.

I would not turn up to a christening without a fairly thoughtful gift, and would expect to spend more than for say the same child's birthday present if my kids were invited to their party in future.

user1456925105 · 21/06/2016 08:43

I would def give people a call*/text. When we sent out our wedding invites with rsvp date(2 weeks ago) etc on them we got 5 rsvps. Out off 100 people. The rest have all told other family members (but not myself or df) that they are going to the wedding, and assumed we would be through the family grapevine.

People don't seem to be bothered about rsvping in general so don't cancel anything before you check if those invited are def not going.

user1456925105 · 21/06/2016 08:45

Ignore the * don't know where that came from.

And told through the family grapevine obviously.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 21/06/2016 08:46

invited to the christening I mean

Katisha · 21/06/2016 08:49

Is this part of the normal Sunday service or a separate ceremony away from the normal congregation?
If the former, I think it would be useful to let the vicar know, if you haven't already discussed this, that 100-plus people might turn up.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpyafterGA · 21/06/2016 09:10

I think people are being a little harsh on the OP. I don't think it's unusual to have a church christening and big do afterwards, even if the parents aren't regular church goers, especially for the first child. It happens a lot at our church and we don't mind!

loobieloo32 · 21/06/2016 09:12

This is a problem that could do easily be solved by the suggestions on here OP-bite the bullet and ask people.

We are non religious so have no experience of organising a christening, but I can understand people here asking why you're not using your usual church (isn't that the point?)

mouldycheesefan · 21/06/2016 09:16

I am guessing that the ops normal church can't accommodate 130 extra people in addition to the normal congregation?

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