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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to cancel Christening?

80 replies

Rubyblues21 · 20/06/2016 22:00

Hi Everyone, this is my first post and I would really appreciate your opinions.

I have been organising my baby's christening for the last few months. I have got a beautiful church with a very welcoming congregation to do the service and I have booked a big hall with a bar for the party afterwards. I was also hoping to book catering, entertainment ect. for the day. Basically I just wanted to make it a really enjoyable day for everyone as well as it being my LO's special day.

I got some really lovely invitations printed (they are really beautiful IMO) which included a date a for RSVPing and a card to send back with an envelope addressed to me. Now unfortunately the RSVP date has come and gone. I sent out 70 invitations (which totalled about 130 people) to various friends and both sides of the family. Out of 70 invitations I have got back 12. I feel so sad about this and I am wondering if I should cancel the hall and just have a small church service, with just our parents and grandparents ect?

I am quite disappointed really, I was really hoping a few people would want to come and celebrate with us. Especially disappointed that not even the god parents have replied as well as a number of close friends and family. I hand delivered most of them, so I know they all arrived.

Should I cancel the hall and all the things I have planned and just say to the few who did reply "thank you so much but its been cancelled due to lack of interest" (or words to that effect).

It doesn't seem worth spending lots of money on a hall, bar, catering, cake and entertainment for like 30 people? I don't mind spending the money if there's a good crowd but now I think I would rather just put that money into her savings account.

What do you think? Feeling a bit sad, but thats life.

Thank you for reading xx

OP posts:
Reindeerlily · 20/06/2016 23:08

This happened to me recently. I sent out roughly 40 invites and only 2 people replied and they were the godparents. I then had to message every single person and most of them came. But it's so fucking rude. Some people even said they'd come but didn't bother turning up or letting us know. Bastards.
Just enjoy your day no matter what you decide.

NicknameUsed · 20/06/2016 23:16

"I'm in the useless camp, I always forget to RSVP,"

Sorry, but that is just plain lazy, thoughtless and rude.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 20/06/2016 23:16

Bloody hell, that's not a christening, it's a party. Pretty ridiculous for a religious ceremony. People may not want to attend because it's turned into a big event rather than a religious ceremony, however they should really RSVP. Having said that, I have never in my life known invites to be sent out for a baptism, christening, first communion etc. it could be easy to forget to reply to an invite for something that you'd usually just jot down in your diary.

Nobloodynamesleft · 21/06/2016 06:00

No Paul! Christenings are all about the bar, not the ceremony. You've got confused there Grin.

Tworingsandamicrowave · 21/06/2016 06:18

Does the church know that they potentially have an extra 130 people turning up for this one service? That's a lot of extra bums on seats!

mollie123 · 21/06/2016 06:29

at the last baptism I was invited to - RSVPing was online - most people replied and it was a very informal affair - about 40 people I think
Even if you included a ready addressed card the invitees would have to stamp and post the envelope.
I assume you can contact those out of the 130 who have not replied via email or text - or if you can't remove them from the list as they cannot be very close anyway. Scale down the after christening party too.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 21/06/2016 06:38

You lost me at 'got a beautiful church with a very welcoming congregation to do the service'. Sure said congregation, not to mention the priest/vicar, is thrilled about being used as props in the show/staff at the 'venue'.

Perhaps your invitees have noticed the insincerity.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 21/06/2016 06:42

I think you may have got Christening and Wedding mixed up......

😂😂😂

mouldycheesefan · 21/06/2016 06:48

It's is very rude not to reply to an invitation. In this case though I think you will have to follow up with a phone call so you can be prepared for actual numbers attending. " just checking whether you are attending the christening on X date" is all you need. How else will you plan catering etc?

Not sure why you haven't chosen your normal church but 130 people extra in the congregation is a lot for a church to accommodate are you sure they are ok with this? Especially as they often do more than one christening at the same time so if they are doing so thee may be additional attendees for any other children being christened.

Most christenings i have been to have been quite small just parents, god parents and immediate family. I have been to a couple larger ones with perhaps 50 guests. Never 130 people though I would imagine that is unusual.

A christening is a religious occasion where a baby is welcomed to the church. I would focus on that element of the special day and less about the fripperies.

I had a massive party for my dds first birthday with entertainer, catering, had a party planner organise it, over 100 people. We had ivf for 5 gruelling years and I finally just wanted to celebrate that we had children and had made it to first birthday. That was our special event. So I do understand if people want to make an occasion of things but just not sure christening is the right event. Clearly it hasn't enthused the people in your family.

Good luck

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/06/2016 06:48

If you're worried about numbers perhaps you should invite the congregation of the church your child is joining?

You're going to have to chase people.

branofthemist · 21/06/2016 06:51

It's odd for some many people not to rsvp.

There is clearly an issue. Either people have an issue with the party (but I would still rsvp) or it's not clear on the invitations. People give it a quick read and missed that bit.

As others have said, does the church have room for 130 extra people.

My sil attempted to organise a christening as big as this (which was twice as big as their wedding) and it ended up with lots not coming.

Personally, if I were you, I would contact everyone. You shouldn't have to. And if many aren't coming, rethink your plans.

Oakmaiden · 21/06/2016 06:52

Bloody hell, that's not a christening, it's a party.

No, it's a Christening with a party afterwards. I don't see a problem with that, if she wants to do it.

Bex134 · 21/06/2016 06:56

It sounds like you're planning a wedding rather than a christening. It sounds like you have a couple of options to ring round (which it sounds like you're too annoyed to do) or scale back the party to reflect the current numbers. Once you've made a decision about what to do I'm sure you'll start to enjoy the planning again.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 21/06/2016 06:57

The godparents have replied then, if you asked them face to face in advance? Perhaps they didn't realise they had to reply twice.

Do people usually send out invitations to Christenings in your social circle / family and are these big Christening parties the norm? Despite being an atheist I've attended quite a few Christnenings out of obligation so as not to upset people but never received a paper invitation, always a verbal one. Anyone can go to the church bit without an invite and then the "celebration" afterwards has normally been a buffet/ cake and drinks in the family's house or garden, or occasionally a restaurant. They have not been especially formal and invitations have been casual and replies verbal and informal and usually on the spot at the time of being invited.

Ring around if you want people there, don't if you want to scale it back.

Wolfiefan · 21/06/2016 06:58

But she's talking about cancelling the baptism because people haven't replied to a party invitation.
I agree OP you are missing the point of a Christening. And does the church actually have room to suddenly accommodate this number of guests on top of usual parishioners?

branofthemist · 21/06/2016 07:01

I also don't get this

I absolutely did speak to the god parents (my stepbrother as godfather and friend from uni as godmother-she has replied). And they were all really happy. I sent them invitations with everyone else, but haven't heard back.

so the god parents did reply. Are you counting how many people sent a paper reply?

Perhaps people feel since they have told you, they don't have to write a reply. I would.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtSea1979 · 21/06/2016 07:05

Geez lay off.
It's a christening with a party afterwards what's so odd about that? OP isn't a regular church goer but still wants her DC christened what's so odd about that? Why are you lot picking holes in someone else's beliefs?
I had my DS christened in a church I'd never set foot in before. I'm not a church goer. I explained to the vicar my reasons for being there and she was willing to do the service. My reasons may seem odd to others but they were my reasons and my beliefs why do so many people think it's ok to pick apart someone else's beliefs and plans just because they aren't what you would have done?

branofthemist · 21/06/2016 07:08

OP isn't a regular church goer but still wants her DC christened what's so odd about that?

I have no issue with what the op wants to do in regards to her party, its up to her.

But do you know what a christening is?

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CocktailQueen · 21/06/2016 07:09

OP, have you mentioned to the minster that you've invited so many people? In our church we don't usually set aside seats for so many of the christening party - usually 10-15.

KayTee87 · 21/06/2016 07:11

What do you mean you "found a beautiful church"? Surely it should be held at your church, as in the one you regularly attend and will be welcoming your DD into the congregation of?

Also this ^

If you don't go to church do you think people maybe don't understand why having your dc is important to you? I'm not trying to be rude I'm just raising another point. Very rude not to rsvp to an invitation though whether you want to go or not.

KayTee87 · 21/06/2016 07:13

Having your dc christened *

Wrcgirl · 21/06/2016 07:15

Very rude not to reply. Chase chase chase them if you want to celebrate with them.

And let the church know numbers may be big! Don't want all 70 odd standing squished at the back!

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 21/06/2016 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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