Page 3 | to buy alcohol for a 15 year old?

endlesslynamechanging · 2016-06-18T22:57:12+00:00

Not me, but someone I know. She buys it for her DC when they go to a party, and justifies it by saying that as alcohol is very much a feature of parties for that age group, she prefers DC to drink safely rather than drink any old thing they're offered. The DC has been told they can only drink what their mum has given them to take along. I have not spoken to the mother in question myself, and don't know exactly what she buys for the child, but I have to say I was rather taken aback. It was brought up as part of a discussion with a third party on our own DCs reaching a similar age and how to handle the question of under-age drinking. Buying if for them would never cross my mind, however maybe I just live a sheltered life. Is she BU, or does she have a point in doing this?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2016 08:36

If it's of any interest my first 15 year old we allowed to take a few alcoholic drinks to parties is now 20. He rarely drinks, he's been home from uni for over 6 weeks and hasn't touched a drop. Drinking is just not something he thinks about.

My now 18 year old rarely drinks.

Ds3 now 16, we'll see.

I think a little alcohol from 15 onwards is an excellent approach from my family experience.

PUGaLUGS · 19/06/2016 08:40

ThroughThick DS1 has been home from uni for about the same length of time, he hasn't touched a drop either.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 19/06/2016 08:40

We have asked our dd whether she would like any thing weak to drink for an after prom party (if she goes) it would be the first time she has taken alcohol to a party. She has declined our offer, none of her friends drink, she's not at all fussed. It isn't inevitable that teens will want to drink at parties.

bumpingalong9386 · 19/06/2016 08:46

My parents used to give me a few Bacardi breezers or Archers Aqua to take to parties with me when I was a teenager (14-16) to be honest, having my own stuff made it easier not to take the dodgy 'punch' that was usually available (usually a mixture of every alcoholic drink in the cupboard )

Having said that, when I did turn up without my own, I ended up downing a bottle of white lightning and subsequently threw up all over my own bedroom - god was I in trouble that night. There was also the time we were drinking lambrini in the park (courtesy of some older kids) and I ended up breaking half a tooth off on the bottle....

I think it's safer to give your kids a drink and educate them on moderation & not mixing drinks rather than let them hang around outside a shop asking a random to buy the booze.

I'm 30 now and I would do the same for my children when they get to that point.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/06/2016 08:54

We are a total family and went through this with dd going to parties, but in reverse. I ended up making sure she had cola and juices. (one parent said she had made a non alcoholic punch for those that did not drink. She had only put Malibu in it).

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2016 08:55

PUG we eat out as a family a reasonable amount and always offer to buy ds1 a beer or offer a glass from our bottle of wine,he's ever once said yes, He always asks for tap water! He's not keen on fizzy drinks either. - cheap and healthy ( despite drinking at parties at 15/16)

emilybrontescorset · 19/06/2016 08:55

I agree with the woman too.

I believe we have a terrible culture which encourages people to drink to excess and the consequences are shocking.

I don't believe banning alcohol stops teenagers from drinking.

Until our society frowns upon getting drunk, the huge problem will continue.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/06/2016 08:56

Tea total family

Fairylea · 19/06/2016 09:15

There is absolutely no way whatsoever I would ever buy alcohol for dd to take to a party. My mum and dad were fairly heavy drinkers (dad was a chief exec in a big city company and it was considered normal to come home and drink whisky in a crystal cut glass, or go out and entertain clients etc, running up huge expenses bills etc). I grew up thinking relaxing = alcohol. That tipped over into having fun = drinking, and drinking too much. By the time I was 19-25 my whole life revolved around drinking. I would easily drink everyday and on a night out I would drink an extreme amount, even ending up in hospital once from hitting my head on a pavement (I was working in the city at the time as a marketing exec and again drinking was the norm, we would all even drink at lunch time and then go back to our desks tipsy).

Before someone leaps on me, I know not every teen that drinks is going to end up like that. However I do think as a society we are too quick to normalise alcohol. At the end of the day it is still a drug. There is no reason whatsoever teens need to be bringing alcohol to a party.

I have been tee total nearly ten years now. Dh was tee total when I met him and I knew drinking wasn't doing me any good so I used that as a catalyst to stop. We don't have alcohol in the house at all, even at Christmas etc when we have people over. It just isn't part of our life.

DownstairsMixUp · 19/06/2016 09:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 19/06/2016 09:42

Law is bizarre regarding alcohol. It's against the law for a retailer to sell alcohol to a person over 18 if they know that's it's being bought for a minor to drink BUT it is perfectly legal for a 5-16 year old to drink alcohol in a home or any private setting!

Yoyoyopo · 19/06/2016 10:04

young people drinking less

Hope that's a link! I heard a radio program on it and it was really interesting my 15DS did too and agreed with it

He's just not interested, out at parties most weekends but drink smoking and drugs are definitely not cool and not for his big social group - he gets on well with the kids that do but won't socialise out of school with them except in sporting events

I've bought him cider n been told off - I have worried that he'll go wild at 18 but now I just think he's irredeemably square

Some young adults make good choices whatever but they all find it easier to make them without any alcohol

Marynary · 19/06/2016 10:16

It hasn't occurred to me to do that for DD (aged 16) but she has told me that she doesn't drink and there is no way I will encourage her to start by buying anything. Obviously she might drink someone else's drink but she could do that anyway. I don't really see how buying teenagers alcohol encourages them to drink more sensibly. Surely they will swap and try other drinks. I may reconsider if she ever comes home smelling of alcohol but so far that hasn't happened.

meowli · 19/06/2016 11:50

As I said on the other thread I linked, I don't suppose anyone who says that they would buy their teenagers alcohol to take to a party would ever be actively encouraging them to drink. Of course you wouldn't say to a fifteen year old who has expressed no interest in drinking - "It's about time you tried alcohol, here's a couple of bottles to start you off!"

If you know that your child is going to parties where there will be alcohol (99% of them at age 15, in my experience), and your child has asked if they can take a couple of bottles, you are then faced with having to make a decision, which is where all the soul-searching, and weighing-up the pros and cons of whichever decision you make comes in.

It is obviously important to know that it is not illegal, but whether or not it is prudent is a matter for each family to decide.

Marynary · 19/06/2016 12:00

As I said on the other thread I linked, I don't suppose anyone who says that they would buy their teenagers alcohol to take to a party would ever be actively encouraging them to drink.

It's a matter of opinion. I think they probably would be. Many teenagers smoke weed but I doubt many adults would buy it for them. Most people wouldn't buy cigarettes either. I don't really see much difference.

Marynary · 19/06/2016 12:04

It is obviously important to know that it is not illegal, but whether or not it is prudent is a matter for each family to decide.

The link you have provided states "Police have the power to charge those over 18 who knowingly buy alcohol for anyone under the legal drinking age (buying by proxy). It is important that older friends and family know that they could be charged for supplying alcohol irresponsibly." Therefore if a parent buys alcohol and gives it to their children to take to a party they could be charged.

Marynary · 19/06/2016 12:14

If you know that your child is going to parties where there will be alcohol (99% of them at age 15, in my experience), and your child has asked if they can take a couple of bottles, you are then faced with having to make a decision, which is where all the soul-searching, and weighing-up the pros and cons of whichever decision you make comes in.

I presume that the parties are in children's parent's houses. So do the parents buy alcohol for people to drink?

I think it a bit ironic that some people are buying alcohol for their children with the idea that it will encourage them to drink sensibly without considering the fact that if adults didn't buy alcohol in the first place there probably wouldn't be so much alcohol available at parties.

magicboy79 · 19/06/2016 12:21

As said, very common, you feel at least you know what they are drinking rather than them binging on something you don't know about. I remember having a party when I was 15 and my mum buying my 4 Smirnoff ice, think I drank 1 or 2 only, better that than me sneaking vodka or something else

Sugarlightly · 19/06/2016 12:25

It is illegal to buy alcohol for someone under 18, but not illegal for a parent to give alcohol IN THEIR OWN HOME to their child. Basically, buying alcohol with the intention of giving it to someone under 18 is illegal, but giving them some of your own alcohol at home (with dinner etc) is not.

Marynary · 19/06/2016 12:28

It is illegal to buy alcohol for someone under 18, but not illegal for a parent to give alcohol IN THEIR OWN HOME to their child. Basically, buying alcohol with the intention of giving it to someone under 18 is illegal, but giving them some of your own alcohol at home (with dinner etc) is not.

Yes, that was my understanding. Whilst it is okay for children to drink under parental supervision, I'm not so sure it is legal to give them alcohol to take to a party.

slgsue1979 · 19/06/2016 14:57

Wow I can't think why any parent in their right mind would buy their 15 year old who didn't want to drink alcohol.
Yes I have bought my DD alcohol some wkd blue and she drank it at a Halloween party. This is the only time I have done this but if she were to ask me again going on her attitude and past behaviour I would.
She has been to 4 parties where alcohol has been provided I know this to be true as she has been tucked up in bed or in her room the rest of the time because she wants to be!! But she has been honest about what goes on etc, I know we don't get told everything I am not a moron but I can hazard a good guess and I trust her which for me is the main thing

VioletVaccine · 19/06/2016 22:38

My eldest DCs are teenage and almost teen, and I will in the future, buy a small amount of alcohol for them to take to a party if asked to (based on their level of responsibility at the time of course).
That way I'll know what they are drinking, how much of it they are having, where they got it and hopefully, encouraging them to be open in i way I couldn't be growing up with my own DM.
Hence the 2 years of me and friends asking men outside shops to buy us white cider (women wouldn't go in for us, so we didn't ask).
On more than one occasion, men actually invited me and and my friends their houses to drink with them. At the time we just said no thanks, and then joked with each other about the "creeps" and "weirdos", but in hindsight, men in their 30s asking 14 and 15 year old girls to come and get drunk on cheap cider in their homes is terrifying.