Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to buy alcohol for a 15 year old?

72 replies

endlesslynamechanging · 18/06/2016 23:57

Not me, but someone I know.

She buys it for her DC when they go to a party, and justifies it by saying that as alcohol is very much a feature of parties for that age group, she prefers DC to drink safely rather than drink any old thing they're offered. The DC has been told they can only drink what their mum has given them to take along.

I have not spoken to the mother in question myself, and don't know exactly what she buys for the child, but I have to say I was rather taken aback. It was brought up as part of a discussion with a third party on our own DCs reaching a similar age and how to handle the question of under-age drinking.

Buying if for them would never cross my mind, however maybe I just live a sheltered life.

Is she BU, or does she have a point in doing this?

OP posts:

CathemeralChild · 19/06/2016 00:37

DM took me nightclubbing with her friends when I was 14, and bought me a white wine spritzer. (It was 1986)
Her reasoning was that if I was going to do it anyway, and most of my friends were, she could at least keep an eye on me. She always got in the way if someone tried to chat me up too.
I can totally understand why she did it.

Original poster

endlesslynamechanging · 19/06/2016 00:39

My teens are at a 17th birthday party/sleepover tonight hence the discussions and the post. I don't think they're accustomed to drink - I look
for signs whenever they've been out late-ish and not detected much.

My first thought on hearing about the mum in my initial post was the law, to be honest. Other parents in the discussion were aghast, hence the wondering if it were a regional thing.

I can see the merits, but just hadn't heard of it actually being done. Thanks for all of your responses.

OP posts:

slgsue1979 · 19/06/2016 00:45

I have done this for my DD who is 15. I don't believe for my children in condemning alcohol from personal experiences I feel this is one potential cause for alcohol abuse.
My DD is a very sensible young lady. Last night was her prom and at the after party alcohol was rife bit we picked her up at 1am and yes she admitted to having a few shots of sourz but was herself pretty much sober. This morning she was up at 8 for her dance rehearsals and show.
I am not suggesting everyone takes this approach but don't criticise individuals unless you know the full facts

lalalalyra · 19/06/2016 00:53

I've done this for DS and I'll do it for the others too. Also on a weekend he and his friends (if they're not at a birthday party/event) will either be in his room or at his best friend's house. They drink beer, lager or cider (or red wine in the case of one of the girls), but there's no spirits allowed. Vodka is the drink of choice among a lot of kids his age (he's 17 now, but we've been doing this for a couple of years) and I didn't want him going down that road.

It works well, they have a few drinks, no-one gets ridiculously drunk, they don't spend time with some of the kids who think not drinking "proper" booze is sad/geeky/weak/insultoftheweek and they are within earshot of help. They all went on a weekend camping trip recently and by co-incidence (didn't find out until after) a workmate of DH's was on the same site. It seems they carry on the same drinking culture when they are unsupervised.

rockchick78 · 19/06/2016 00:54

I used to buy it for my twin sisters (they were 15 and I was 19). The condition was that they had it at my house, not out at a park or something ridiculous. They were quite happy sat in my kitchen with 2 of their friends and a couple of CDs and I was happy they weren't causing trouble of ending up pregnant ha ha ha!

twittwooery · 19/06/2016 01:13

Hmm I was these teenagers I'd like to think not so long ago ( ~7-10 years how much do things really change in that time) , my parents didn't buy me alcohol, but others did, I bought more alcohol than their parents gave them, because most of the time they wanted to drink more.

Personally I do think it's perhaps naive to think everyone's only taking 3-4 cans or bottles and they don't share, as every time I was at a party or gathering, or spoke to others it was the same, but then each group has the potential to be different in theory I suppose and not everyone's going to be the same

Pinkheart5915 · 19/06/2016 01:17

I only ever drunk what my parents brought for me, the understanding was if I drunk anymore than that they wouldn't buy it again.

Pinkheart5915 · 19/06/2016 01:19

I think maybe it depend on the group & the parties each teen goes to and how sensible your child is

Vickyyyy · 19/06/2016 01:33

My mum bought me (and friends, it was agreed between parents) alcohol from about 14 onwards, on the condition that we drank it in the house and stayed in until the next day/friends were taken home (driven by my father or picked up by their own parents). Parents pretty much took it in turns to 'host' us. general thinking behind it was that we would do it anyway, and its safer if they can keep an eye on us, and that if they bought it they knew what we were actually drinking as opposed to us getting someone off the street to buy it and getting a litre of vodka or something each.

Honestly, I think its illegal (though I am not sure) but I think I will probably do something similar when my kids grow up. Its less risky than them doing it outside and that and if they are going to do it, they will do it with or without permission.

meowli · 19/06/2016 01:45

I think its illegal
You're right to be unsure, it isn't!
www.alcoholeducationtrust.org/ (Parent Area - Alcohol and the Law) and also This from a few days ago!!

Out2pasture · 19/06/2016 02:12

meowli, it is illegal in Canada.

Lovelypompoms · 19/06/2016 04:09

It depends on the child. I was 15 in the late 90's and ID wasn't as strict then. Most kids where drinking at parties, I was going to drink anyway and so my parents bought it for me, they educated me about drinking and alchol %. They would buy me drinks to take to parties and they knew where I was and what I was drinking.

MUjunkie · 19/06/2016 04:49

My son is almost 15 and of course I would rather he didn't drink! He is friends with lads a year or 2 older and I have let him have a few cans if his friends are staying over (providing their parents have said yes). I know some of the kids he goes to school with sit in the park with vodka etc but he has never done that, he will come and say "mum is it ok if I stay at 'friends' house and if I have a few drinks?" At least he asks me and I know where he is...not sat in that park pissed with some of the others!

I'm not saying it's right, but it's preferable to what it could be! Sneaking around, lying and getting so pissed he doesn't know what he's doing!

MUjunkie · 19/06/2016 05:05

meowli just read that link and I don't feel so bad lol. I just think what I do is the lesser of 2 evils!

YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 19/06/2016 06:30

I don't Think it's unreasonable to buy teens some light booze if it stops them drinking stronger stuff that was obtained in a dodgy way. However if you have a teen like I was she'll take the light lager you bought her, top it up with the sticky, Greek stuff at the back of the cupboard then get that dodgy guy outside budgens to get you and your mates a bottle of spirits.

calamityjam I was in to kittens and ponies at 13. I was also into drinking anything I could get my hands on. Sadly they are not mutually exclusive activities at that age. I was good at using my 'innocent, cute, kitten loving' side of my young teenage self to explain, hide and deflect the blame if we were caught.

How can you tell if your child is going to be pre disposed to problem drinking?

GreatFuckability · 19/06/2016 06:38

I was a straight A student with a love of books and was good as gold....i was also out necking bottles of vodka, smoking weed and having sex at the weekend at 14. The two are mot mutually exclusive.

twittwooery · 19/06/2016 06:50

Whilst I wasn't a straight A student, I was drinking and heavily depressed having lost a couple very important family members just before exam time, managed to get B's, i also played video games, not mutually exclusive and also not a sign of future drinking issues, I'm almost tee total now, whilst others wouldn't drink until they were 18 and were proud because they set a record amongst the friendship group of going out drinking 17 weeks in a row.

I was also one of only a few of my different groups of friends that went and completed university.

I'm not gonna say there's no link to underage drinking and an issue later on, but I think it's blown out of proportion.

branofthemist · 19/06/2016 06:51

My oldest is 12 so I have no clue what I will do. But I can see the logic.

My mum was very strict. It didn't stop me going out and getting arseholed behind her back. I know I put myself in stupid positions.

I do think an open and honest way of dealing with alcohol would be better.

ForRealTho · 19/06/2016 08:20

I am always at these threads. Everyone seems to think that giving them alcopops at 13 is the way to keep their kids from binge drinking..and yet binge drinking is the norm in this country and not most others.

I think it's ridiculous and wouldn't under any circumstances give my child alcohol to have unsupervised at a party. I'd feel personally (if not legally) responsible for anything that happened while they were under the influence too. It's stupid.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2016 08:23

This thread isn't about 13 year olds ForReal. If it were, my answer would have been different.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/06/2016 08:28

I've done it, albeit reluctantly, at 15/16.

Parties happen, alcohol is available and the kids will drink, that's a fact.

I gave/give a few tins to each of my 3 ds's with instructions not to drink anything else and that approach worked for us.

HermioneJeanGranger · 19/06/2016 08:31

My mum let me try sips of wine from about 10 and I was allowed Bucks Fizz or alcopops at about 13 on special occasions (just one glass of Bucks Fizz or one WKD). If I had sleepovers from 15/16 she's get us some alcopops too.

I'm now 27 and have maybe two ciders a week maximum!

popmimiboo · 19/06/2016 08:34

I live in France where, contrary to the stereotype that children are knocking back red wine at 10 years old, I don't know of any parents who buy booze for their teens.
My eldest are 16 and 14 and don't drink. The 16 year old has been to parties where a few kids have been drinking/ smoking but there doesn't seem to be the peer pressure about alcohol that we have in the UK and it's perfectly acceptable to drink coke or fanta instead!

PUGaLUGS · 19/06/2016 08:34

I do it for DS2. He will be 17 in Nov. Have done it since he was about 15.

Didn't do it for DS1 (19) as he didn't go out and never asked.

NancyJoan · 19/06/2016 08:35

Re the police, my SIL bought her 14 yr old stepdaughter booze to take to a big beach party, with lots of older kids. When things got rowdy the police arrived to break it up, and asked her where she's got the drink from. She told them SIL had bought it, they went round to the house and had a stern word.

Flip

1 2 3