Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at x

28 replies

user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 15:41

So hopefully this won't turn into a massive essay, I'll keep the background as brief as I can

X and I have a child, we have not been together for years, we have an OK relationship, he's pretty unpredictable in regards to his behaviour, sometimes he picks DC up and wants a coffee and a chat, other times he is quite stand offy and is in and out, both are fine with me, he gets in moods and I basically just leave him to it

There was an element when we were together when I was pregnant that he was quite cruel, as a fat hormonal mess I remember saying to him 'Ergh I'm gross, hug me?' In a sort of blasay way and he would just sort of shrug and refuse?! It turned quite upsetting and I would say I just want a cuddle I feel rubbish and he would refuse, he would refuse to tell me he loved me even though we'd said it loads of times before and would tell me til he was blue in the face that his behaviour hadn't changed and I was imagining it! (I wasn't, turned out he was sleeping with multiple of my work mates!) ha!

Anyhu that's all done and dusted now, but I hope it gives a little insight into his personality

So the other day, he had DC but I was due to pick them up that afternoon and take DC for a few hours while he did jobs, when I got home from work I saw on Facebook the town we are both close to was blocked off by police, lots of streets had been closed and people were advised to stay in doors, that was all the info given, now I am a worrier and a 'what if' type of person, he is not, and I know this element of my personality annoys him, as does his blasay attitude me, so I text him and said avoid town incase he didn't know, he replied they were going to the big park in that town but it was ok because it was 'miles away from the police' It wasn't miles away it was less than a mile away, and the whole town was advised to stay indoors! I tried ringing him to say I didn't think it was a good idea to go there, he didn't answer, text and said he would ring in a sec, he didn't, I text and said just give us a quick ring before you go into town, he didn't, I called again a little later and he text saying sorry phone was on silent, I just wanted a quick chat with him and we were running round the houses! I got through to him and he said they were at the park, I said I wanted to chat before he went because it didn't seem a good idea to ignore police advice and how did we know what the hell was going on, long story short I went to pick up DC and that was that, no arguments or anything because I know it's in vain

But seriously who does that when they've been told to stay indoors by police?! There so many parks near us that he could have gone to, As well as being annoyed about him taking DC I am annoyed because I know him and I know as much as anyone can know something they don't know (iykwim) that he purposely ignored my call and didn't call back to annoy me! He's done it before when he thinks I'm bothered about something, I just think it's cruel! I'm not an unreasonable person, and Yes I am a bit of a worrier but I honestly keep it in check, there are things I know I'm being a bit silly about so I just suck it up and get on with it! This to me seemed like a legit thing to justify just going to a different park! Surely? 🤔

(It turns out it was just some lunatic trying to break into someone's house with a weapon why the police had cornered off a load of town!)

OP posts:
Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 15:42

FYI Regular poster who has NC as identifying things in post!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 18/06/2016 15:44

You went to pick your children up from their time with their dad because he made a different choice to you? How would you feel if he did that to you?

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 15:45

No I was due to pick them up any way as I said on my original post

OP posts:
TheUnsullied · 18/06/2016 15:46

Tbh, a police incident a mile away wouldn't stop me from going to the local park with DD unless specific information was issued saying there were violent suspects still at large in the local area.

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 15:47

They had advised the whole of the local area to stay indoors! The park was a mile away from the cornered off areas and smack back in the middle of the whole area they had advised stay indoors

OP posts:
TheUnsullied · 18/06/2016 15:49

And if they hadn't given a reason and weren't patrolling the streets and knocking on doors, I wouldn't pay much attention. How was this police announcement given?

PovertyPain · 18/06/2016 15:53

He sounds like he was a horrible partner, but honestly, I don't think he did it to wind you up. He probably thought he was fine if he stayed away from the policed area. Mind you, I grew up during the troubles so was used to people standing at the police tape to see the bombs go off, so am maybe a little more too relaxed about these things.

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 15:53

See to me, if they haven't said why, I would think, well that could literally be anything then, from a drunkard making a bother of themselves to an escaped herd of T. rex! 😂 But I understand people think differently which is fine.

It was on the local paper and news channel website and people had linked to it on fb. Turned out to be something and nothing but it was reported that there was a load of armed police, that suggests to me it could be quite serious and to take notice of their advice and simply go to a different park that would have literally had next to no impact on any of our days!

OP posts:
TheUnsullied · 18/06/2016 15:55

Surely if they were smack bang in the middle of the area the police had said to keep clear without actually putting measures in place to enforce it they were actually at the site of the incident, not a mile away? Some details must have been given if they were advising everyone within a couple of miles radius to stay indoors?

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 15:56

He has recently been in a mood with me because he wanted to get back together (he does this every few months) I politely turn him down and he treats me like I've murdered a puppy for a few weeks and then the whole cycle starts again, I maybe am imagining him ignoring me on purpose, but after knowing him for as many years as I have I would place a bigger bet on that being the case than not!

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 18/06/2016 15:57

I think YABU really. Whilst the DC are in his care, decisions are his to be made.

TheNaze73 · 18/06/2016 15:59

I'm struggling to see what he did wrong here??

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 18/06/2016 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheUnsullied · 18/06/2016 15:59

But going to the park he did go to had no impact on your day, your reaction did. It looks like he judged it fine. No t-rex or drunken botherers Wink

Sounds like you're a worrier. Join me for a Wine and relax!

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 16:08

Nothing had an impact on anyone's day, what I meant was that for the sake of just going to a different park where there was no police activity close by or warnings to stay indoors it seems a no brainer to me!

I don't fully believe while in his care it's his decision, although we are not together I believe we should still be working as a unit and considering each other's feelings

For example I remember ages ago I was taking DC somewhere, I can't remember where and as you can probably work out from my worried status it wasn't anywhere 'dangerous' but x for some reason was anxious about it, he said he didn't know why he was just worried and we were both shocked as that's usually not his personality!! So we talked about it like grown ups and I said if he'd rather i'd wait til they were a little older I understood etc and in the end he felt better after the chat I still did whatever with the DC and everyone was happy

I suppose I just thought he might afford me the same understanding, regardless of whether we agree!

I appreciate the feed back I'm not trying to argue people are wrong, just give everyone all the information

OP posts:
Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 16:10

This is the text on the website, sorry for the crude attempt to protect my identity! 😂 Perhaps I misunderstood that everyone should stay indoors in the whole town? 🤔 But that's what I read it to mean at the time!

To be annoyed at x
OP posts:
TrinityForce · 18/06/2016 16:14

I'd be annoyed too.

My first thought would be a terror attack since there've been arrests this morning in Belgium (DP is Belgian so it's on my mind). I'd be very upset if he took DC to an area they'd been advised to stay indoors.

I'm not a control freak, but that isn't OK to me.

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 16:20

Thank you trinity, I know not everyone is going to agree with me but it's nice at least one does! ❤️

That sort of thing went through my head too, and although it's unlikely, when I have a choice of going to a park close to an area 'something' is happening in, and a park nearly the same distance in the opposite direction it just seems a no brainer to go the on that's further away from the excitement! Surely! Seems like we're a minority though, although a friend who is totally Unphased by anything even said she wouldn't have gone anywhere near at that time when no one knew what was going on.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/06/2016 16:25

Oh no, YANBU IMO. Police are "ordering" people to stay indoors - they have armed police on site, quite a few, it's not unheard of for innocent bystanders to be hit by stray bullets, plus the danger from the whoever-the-police-are-there-for.

He was being very silly to deliberately take your DC into that area; but in all honesty, if the place was in complete lockdown then they should have been turned away from the park, or not been able to get to it. However, depends on the number of entrances/whether it's fenced etc, as to whether or not the police had enough manpower to completely cover it.

I'd get over it now though, as nothing untoward happened - but I'd hope he wouldn't deliberately flout a police warning like that again! Could have been anything - gas leak, unexploded WW2 bomb found in a drain/garden, suspicious car-possibly-bomb, anything!

Costacoffeeplease · 18/06/2016 16:26

It was a mile away - unless you have reason to believe he would put his children in danger deliberately - it is his call to make when they're with him

TheUnsullied · 18/06/2016 16:32

That message is a bit vague for me to take it too seriously. If someone from outside of the cordoned zone can travel to another location a mile away from the cordoned zone without encountering any police, road blocks, etc, then I'd assume I was far out enough to be fine. But I'm not the kind of person to stay at home worried in case something unlikely happens.

Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 16:32

It's a really big park with a play area and trees and a walking area, I would imagine there certainly wouldn't be enough police to man it it's basically open everywhere no one enterance, its not a massive place really, a mile really isn't that far if the police are after someone or multiple someone's, a mile is not very far at all to travel on foot or by car if they're not certain where hey are (which I would guess to be the case if they'd cornered off so much of the place)

I do not believe he would deliberately put DC in danger, but I do think we are poles apart on our feelings about things like this, and while I may be too far one way, I think he is a bit too far the other way!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1466259457 · 18/06/2016 16:35

Theunsullied you could be right, but I read it to mean they had cornered off x y and z areas in the town, and had advised the whole town to stay indoors, like I say I could have misunderstood that, and perhaps if I could have just had a conversation with x he could have explained that and I would have felt better!

Also just to clarify, there are lots of parks in our area that were further away, so I wasn't suggesting anyone should stay at home worrying, just perhaps exercise a little caution and go to one of the many other parks

OP posts:
AbernathysFringe · 18/06/2016 16:44

yanbu. he sounds immature, ignoring your text, sulking about not getting back together. if you're worried it would be decent thing for him to consider your feelings and the logical situation, easy as pie to just go to a different park. he didnt HAVE to go to that one just to be awkward.

Costacoffeeplease · 18/06/2016 16:44

I don't think you do have your anxiety under control, it might be worth talking to your gp about any help available

He took the decision to go, your constant calls and messages just made him ignore you so they had the opposite effect - either you trust him with the children or you don't