To be annoyed at x

[user1466259457]

So hopefully this won't turn into a massive essay, I'll keep the background as brief as I can

X and I have a child, we have not been together for years, we have an OK relationship, he's pretty unpredictable in regards to his behaviour, sometimes he picks DC up and wants a coffee and a chat, other times he is quite stand offy and is in and out, both are fine with me, he gets in moods and I basically just leave him to it

There was an element when we were together when I was pregnant that he was quite cruel, as a fat hormonal mess I remember saying to him 'Ergh I'm gross, hug me?' In a sort of blasay way and he would just sort of shrug and refuse?! It turned quite upsetting and I would say I just want a cuddle I feel rubbish and he would refuse, he would refuse to tell me he loved me even though we'd said it loads of times before and would tell me til he was blue in the face that his behaviour hadn't changed and I was imagining it! (I wasn't, turned out he was sleeping with multiple of my work mates!) ha!

Anyhu that's all done and dusted now, but I hope it gives a little insight into his personality

So the other day, he had DC but I was due to pick them up that afternoon and take DC for a few hours while he did jobs, when I got home from work I saw on Facebook the town we are both close to was blocked off by police, lots of streets had been closed and people were advised to stay in doors, that was all the info given, now I am a worrier and a 'what if' type of person, he is not, and I know this element of my personality annoys him, as does his blasay attitude me, so I text him and said avoid town incase he didn't know, he replied they were going to the big park in that town but it was ok because it was 'miles away from the police' It wasn't miles away it was less than a mile away, and the whole town was advised to stay indoors! I tried ringing him to say I didn't think it was a good idea to go there, he didn't answer, text and said he would ring in a sec, he didn't, I text and said just give us a quick ring before you go into town, he didn't, I called again a little later and he text saying sorry phone was on silent, I just wanted a quick chat with him and we were running round the houses! I got through to him and he said they were at the park, I said I wanted to chat before he went because it didn't seem a good idea to ignore police advice and how did we know what the hell was going on, long story short I went to pick up DC and that was that, no arguments or anything because I know it's in vain

But seriously who does that when they've been told to stay indoors by police?! There so many parks near us that he could have gone to, As well as being annoyed about him taking DC I am annoyed because I know him and I know as much as anyone can know something they don't know (iykwim) that he purposely ignored my call and didn't call back to annoy me! He's done it before when he thinks I'm bothered about something, I just think it's cruel! I'm not an unreasonable person, and Yes I am a bit of a worrier but I honestly keep it in check, there are things I know I'm being a bit silly about so I just suck it up and get on with it! This to me seemed like a legit thing to justify just going to a different park! Surely? 🤔

(It turns out it was just some lunatic trying to break into someone's house with a weapon why the police had cornered off a load of town!)

I would have assumed that if the police were even remotely worried, they would cordon the area off so if ex went to that park, he wouldn't be able to get in. If he could get in, then the cops weren't that worried. So I'd just have texted the info through to him and let him get on with whatever decision he made. If he still went to that park AND the cops thought it was dangerous then ex wouldn't be able to get there.

Try to relax and let him get on with parenting his children while he has them. All your attempts to get hold of him just pandered to his ego, "Look at user14blahblahblahpleaseuseadifferentname! worrying, and she can't contact me so I can make her worry more " Just don't do it.

boatymcboat Your probably right, when you have time to think about it logically that seems a fair assumption, but all of this that happened was in a short space of time and all I thought was that seems a bit too close to where DC are going. I didn't bombard him with texts etc, we were already having a text conversation when I saw the article so it sort of incorporated into that, but your right he was probably loving it.

Just to give some context on how different we are, ages ago we were both in a (small) shopping centre with DC when the fire alarm went off and a tannoy saying to evacuated by nearest exit, I picked DC up and started walking towards the exit and he was like 'where are you going?' I told him leaving obviously?!🤔 He said 'it's fine it'll be nothing' he genuinely could not understand why I was making to leave! And obviously I couldn't understand why he wouldn't, I was sure it was more than likely nothing but why would you ignore a fire alarm? and also why would you want to teach your child that they were something to be ignored!

This is the only other time I can remember us being so far apart in opinion, most of the time we are pretty similar and have similar values and techniques etc, perhaps it's because of that that when something like this does crop up its harder for us to meet in the middle

You're right too though - why teach your children to ignore alarms and instructions. It's risk assessment, isn't it? I think that he assesses personal risk - how likely is it that the fire is anywhere near me when I can't see flames or smell smoke; and you assess it generally - there is a fire somewhere and they need to get the area clear. What you're doing is making it easier for the emergency services to find and deal with the risk, and he is considering whether he really needs to take two children out of a shopping centre, stand about for a while, and then bring them back in. He is person-centred and you are community-centred, as my friend would say.