AIBU To be disappointed with In-Laws?

[user1466222549]

My 12 year old DD is doing a piano concert today. She has worked hard to practice her pieces for this and we are really looking forward to going. My own parents who live four hours away have come up to stay so they can attend. The In-Laws (DD's other Grandparents), who only live about an hour away, have just come up with a series of weak excuses why they won't be coming.

I feel so sad and disappointed about this. I get that they don't have to come if they don't want to. However, I just don't understand why they wouldn't be interested. We will all be sitting there bursting with pride. When I am a Grandparent (hopefully) I will love things like this.

I shouldn't be surprised really as they have always been reluctant to visit us. They love seeing us but only if we visit them. They have a car and drive distances when it is something they are interested in so transport issues aren't a problem. We have never really got to the bottom of why they dislike visiting us.

[BackforGood]

I agree with most posts on the first few pages, that it's entirely understandable to not want to go and sit through school concerts. It's not many people's choice of a way to spend the evening, even without the travelling. I've sat with a fixed smile on my face at many school events over the years - I do it because I'm their Mum. I'm not really expecting to have to do it for grandchildren too.

However, I would still mention future concerts to them - let them know it's on and they would be welcome, but obviously it's up to them if it's convenient or not.

[ZerenaZZ]

They made a two hour round trip to see your daughter play an instrument. That's far beyond what most grandparents would be bothered with or able for. You sound very selfish, spoilt and entitled. The world does not revolve around your child.

[seriouslynoidea]

I have 4 dc and my dp has 2dc from previous relationship. I work full time and go to everything I can and am famous in every school for uncontrollable tears of pride but I've sat thru many an interminable concert wondering how long I can stop screaming for, wishing everything were quicker, went to one of dp's dc concert once and we nearly disgraced ourselves by laughing so much in relief at the short pieces. Let them love the result not the experience

[dustarr73]

Seriously she wants her pil to go and see their gc in a concert and that makes her spoiled and entitled.Well you reap what you sow.They dont have to go to everything but 1 or 2 things a year isnt going to kill them.

The only thing op if you dont mention future performances and they find out,you are prioritising your family [over them] in their mind.So you cant win.

[Atenco]

I loved going to all my dd's events, but I must admit I suffered having to another relative's opera performances as, though the quality was extremely high, I can't stand opera.

[NanaNina]

Unless I'm going completely barmy (or batshit as I'm a MIL) as I've only ever heard the word used in relation to ILs, mostly MILs) this post sounds very familiar to one I read many months ago. Probably similar circumstances but it's a bit odd.

[ShanghaiDiva]

Threre are some really rude posts on here. How does wanting gps to attend a concert result in op being spoilt and entitled?
I am sure op is well aware that world does not revolve around her child.
I go to a lot of my children's events that are of no particular interest to me. I go to support them and appreciate their hard work and effort. As a grandparent I plan to do the same.

[Ditsy4]

Haven't seen the rude ones as I read this thread when it started but not since. Just wondered how your DD got on. I bet it was a proud moment for you.

[user1466222549]

Ditsy4

Thank you for asking! It was lovely and we all really enjoyed it. It wasn't really a school concert as many have assumed. It was organised by the piano teacher. As many of the performers were extremely accomplished pianists (Grade 7/8), the event would have been enjoyable to attend even if my DD hadn't taken part. There were also a few relatively new starters to the piano too, which I also loved. Nothing more appealing than those little earnest faces giving it their all!

My ILaws did come in the end and appeared to enjoy it (unless they put on a good act of course!). However, I don't think I can face mentioning any future events to them as no one wants to feel that they have made someone do something they really don't want to do.

Both of my children are older (secondary school) and haven't been involved with school performances for a long time. Therefore, it is only this piano concert once a year that we would ask GPs to in any case. I will carry on asking my own parents though as they really love coming!

[GoblinLittleOwl]

The important thing is that her parents are going to the concert.

[Ditsy4]

Oh I'm glad they made the effort in the end.
It sounds lovely and it is so good for children to perform. Our children at school give a concert every year and all the different music teachers prepare something. The children are buzzing afterwards and a few go and perform outside school too.
Perhaps you could broach the subject now and say did they enjoy it and do they want to be kept informed for next year. The ball is in their court then.

[trafalgargal]

OP we've heard how much this upsets YOU
Is the child bothered about it ?

[Ilovewillow]

I know where you are coming from me I agree that it's sad. My parents are coming to my daughters stageschool production which is a long journey but they are really looking forward to it as they don't get to see them do anything like this usually due to distance. My PIL wouldn't dream of coming to this or anything else despite being closer.

It's sad but unfortunately I think some are more actively grandparents than others.

Your daughter will be delighted that you are there.