AIBU To be disappointed with In-Laws?

[user1466222549]

My 12 year old DD is doing a piano concert today. She has worked hard to practice her pieces for this and we are really looking forward to going. My own parents who live four hours away have come up to stay so they can attend. The In-Laws (DD's other Grandparents), who only live about an hour away, have just come up with a series of weak excuses why they won't be coming.

I feel so sad and disappointed about this. I get that they don't have to come if they don't want to. However, I just don't understand why they wouldn't be interested. We will all be sitting there bursting with pride. When I am a Grandparent (hopefully) I will love things like this.

I shouldn't be surprised really as they have always been reluctant to visit us. They love seeing us but only if we visit them. They have a car and drive distances when it is something they are interested in so transport issues aren't a problem. We have never really got to the bottom of why they dislike visiting us.

[KERALA1]

It is abit depressing to have lame disinterested grandparents. My in laws divide their time between here and overseas. They are fit and able and complain they don't have enough to do. I am self employed and just starting a huge new project. Dc very easy but hate holiday clubs. In laws returning to the overseas place the weekend before schools break up. The fact they might be able to help us out even a little over the summer hadn't even occurred to them. Dh spent all summer with his paternal grandparents when he was our dcs age!

Sorry rant but op Yanbu.

[Oysterbabe]

I think parents are obliged to go to this sort of thing but not grandparents, especially if it's a 2 hour round journey.

[stugtank]

These threads never fail to surprise me.

Always incredulous that Grandparents are expected to help or be involved.

Well I think Grandparents should go to these things where possible. And frankly I'm shocked at the lack of enthusiasm for children playing music.

It's not tortuous to watch children enjoy music. Doesn't matter if they're not geniuses either. I've loved every minute of my children's concerts and they're grandparents have to.

One poster suggested it's only worth waiting your time if the child is very talented. What a horrible attitude.

[stugtank]

their not they're

[EdmundCleverClogs]

I was the kid who played in concerts. Wouldn't wish my poor grandparents to sit through that unless I was playing for a world class philharmonic orchestra. Yes it can be lovely to watch kids do things, but it's also just another form of school plays (anything from boring to painful to sit through).

[Hamishandthefoxes]

A 12 yo playing the piano should be able to make a nice noise. My ils wouldn't come either op, but I've lowered my expectations after they couldn't visit DH in hospital at any point in 2 weeks because there were things they wanted to see on the tv.

Yes, they do know about iPlayer.

[Hassled]

"Hell is grade one violin practice at 8am before school." - please tell me you live in a detached house along way away from anyone else :o

My ILs are very lovely but I don't think have been to a single concert/event type thing for the GC, who are now teenagers. It doesn't mean they don't care - it just means they don't want to come along, which is fair enough. Don't read too much into this.

[ENormaSnob]

I would try to get out of it too tbh.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

You're being over the top. It's a music recital. Mainly the people Who want to go to those are the parents. My father attends my son's but only because he's been a big part of him learning music. He certainly wouldn't have driven an hour for it though.

[CombineBananaFister]

You can be disappointed OP because you are proud but I think it would be unfair to judge them on it as its not always exciting for people other than parent. Do they attend other GCs events or are they not interested in any of them in general?

As long as they're equally disinterested in other Grandchidren stuff then at least they are fair and you're not being slighted iykwim and its just a prference/their choice

[Aeroflotgirl]

I am sorry, I disagree, I totally get it that you are hurt, and their attitude generally is that they just can't be arsed, they want you to come and visit them, they go long distances themselves, but cba to see their grandkids. Nothing you can do, your dd will start to notice, and it might affect her relationship with them. My grandma always loved going to my plays. My dads parents long died before I was born, so I did not know them.

[CombineBananaFister]

just read that back and its worded terribly as long as theyre equally disterested haha!!

[Mistigri]

Unless it's an enormous deal (eg first solo concert in front of a paying crowd) I don't think they're under any obligation - sorry.

My DD's end of year piano concert was last Wednedsay. I did notice one proud grandfather there - but the kid in question is some sort of piano genuis who at the age of 9/10 made the other "advanced" students (including my own 15 year old) look like rank amateurs, and who is moving to a big city to be trained by a famous pianist next year.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I think people are missing the point, op has said that the grandparents generally are not interested in their grandkids, its natural that op feels hurt about it, especially when her parents do make the effort. If they were involved or had a good relationship in other ways, I would just say let it go, its not their thing, but the cba anyway.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Them not going to the concert is just an extension of their can't be bothered attitude towards their grandchildren.

[Aeroflotgirl]

op I would not expect anything less from them, just enjoy the concert and be glad she has your parents going to see her.

[ClownsToTheLeftOfMe]

Yanbu. Ok they don't have to come to everything but the OP says they've always been reluctant even though they are able to make the journey. I think that's pretty hurtful

It's not about how good someone is, it's about being interested and making an effort to be part of the things that are important to them.

[junebirthdaygirl]

The problem with going to these things is you have to listen to everyone else's gc as well. Some people are nor made for that. They don't have the patience. Its funny what memories kids hold of their GP as they get older they and it's the weird little incidents that they hold onto that you hardly realised happened. My fondest memory of my gd is helping him chop sticks as he made me feel so grown up by letting me carry such a big bundle at one time. He made me feel l could do it. Makes me smile even now. He wouldn't even have known whether l had a piano or not. Just build memories in little ways.

[Aeroflotgirl]

So unless a child is of genius or high standards, some of you cba, that's awful

[pictish]

Unless it's a prestigious event starring your daughter, don't be disappointed that they're not coming. It can be in the grandparental remit for some, but for others, kids' concerts are a bodyswerver. That's the parents' gig I'm afraid.
Don't take it too personally.