AIBU To be disappointed with In-Laws?

[user1466222549]

My 12 year old DD is doing a piano concert today. She has worked hard to practice her pieces for this and we are really looking forward to going. My own parents who live four hours away have come up to stay so they can attend. The In-Laws (DD's other Grandparents), who only live about an hour away, have just come up with a series of weak excuses why they won't be coming.

I feel so sad and disappointed about this. I get that they don't have to come if they don't want to. However, I just don't understand why they wouldn't be interested. We will all be sitting there bursting with pride. When I am a Grandparent (hopefully) I will love things like this.

I shouldn't be surprised really as they have always been reluctant to visit us. They love seeing us but only if we visit them. They have a car and drive distances when it is something they are interested in so transport issues aren't a problem. We have never really got to the bottom of why they dislike visiting us.

[ClownsToTheLeftOfMe]

It's not just this though. The OP is hurt because they're always like this.

And why must it be a prestigious event?

[pictish]

Well ok...maybe prestigious was the wrong word...I meant more like significant.

My fil is one of those barely-interested grandparents, although he is super nice to the kids when he does see them. Can't imagine him ever going out of his way to attend something the kids were in. That's the way it goes sometimes.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I like music, and played to a fairly high standard when I was younger, but go and sit through a children's recital - no thanks

[sue51]

Both my daughters did ballet and played an instrument. I've sat through many a show and recital. I've done my time. I will love and support my future grandchildren but I will not sit through any more shows .

[pictish]

There you go OP...most are agreed. Recitals and concerts are not particularly appealing to attend and by the time your kids are grown up your duties to do so are reasonably over. Unless you want to, which is also fine.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

If they're normally not in the habit of making the effort to come over, it's not just the type of event involved, it's their usual apathy.
Or did your PILs only confirm that they wouldn't be coming after they heard your parents are travelling and staying over OP?

they couldn't visit DH in hospital at any point in 2 weeks because there were things they wanted to see on the tv.
Ouch Hamish.

[Savagebeauty]

I could think of nothing worse. Especially having to sit through other children's recitals.
I will be a totally disinterested hands off grandparent.

[redskytonight]

I always think the issue of school concerts is having to listen to other people's DCs :)

DD's had practiced her violin hard for her school Christmas concert and she played her pieces extremely well but unfortunately she was only playing for 2 minutes of a concert that lasted nearly 2 hours. I contemplated not going myself, I certainly wouldn't expect a GP to bother.

[shinynewusername]

We have never really got to the bottom of why they dislike visiting us. Does it often involve sitting through hours of children playing music?

[LunaLoveg00d]

Children's performances are usually pretty grim. Yes we enjoy the bits with our child in them, but who wants to watch other people's children dance/sing/act with varying degrees of competency?

I have my daughter's dancing show this week, yes I'll be there watching not because I think she's the next Darcey Bussell but because I'm a supportive parent and she wants me to be there. I can completely understand why grandparents aren't up for it.

[Savagebeauty]

I think that's very sensible fuckincunt

[LightDrizzle]

My daughter played in the school and local youth orchestra, she also sang the odd solo in school concerts.

The school orchestra was excruciating, the local youth orchestra was bearable. I never missed one and kept the programs which I showed my, mum, her devoted grandma, who spent a lot of time with her. She gently and vaguely demurred the first and only time I offered that she come and suffer the whole thing too. These things are long. She did her time when my brother and I were young.

Once they stop being tiny (infinite appetite for infant nativities and lovely roly-poly tots going the wrong way and earnestly murdering ballet) it's pretty tedious unless you are talking about YMOTY.

[HumphreyCobblers]

I think it is pretty miserable of them actually.

Of course, no one should have to attend anything if they don't enjoy it. But I would hope that a grandparent might have enough interest in their grandchild to come to a concert they were performing in.

Also, why assume it will be musically grim? The child in question is 12 and is playing the piano. No reason to assume that it will be of a low standard.

[emilybrontescorset]

My in laws would not have attended either.

[happypoobum]

Agree with PP you are over reacting. Maybe PILS aren't interested in music and don't want to sit through hours of children making their best efforts.

It doesn't mean they don't love them.

You need to get over yourself frankly.

[ineedaholidaynow]

I invited FIL to a concert at DS's new school. DS wasn't even in it . The concert was part of an open day and we thought it would be nice if one of the GPs could see DS's new school. FIL has only recently moved to near where we live. All other GPs live hours away, so very rarely have anything to do with DS's school life.

Reading this thread other parents must have thought we were mad attending a concert when our DC wasn't in it

[MrsDoylesTeaParty]

I wouldn't even think of asking grandparents to come to stuff like this and we're close. They've done their share of attending their own kids stuff!

[user1466222549]

Many thanks for all your replies. It is always good to get alternative view points! Thank you especially to those who have written really supportive posts. It is much appreciated when people take the trouble to write a few kind words. I will just adjust my expectations of the In-Laws in future and won't mention future events to them. I don't agree that the event in question would have been hideous for them to attend though. DD is currently Grade 6, so a fairly accomplished pianist, as indeed are many of the other children involved in the performance.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Its a shame op, their loss, You and your parents enjoy the concert .

[Costacoffeeplease]

I don't agree that the event in question would have been hideous for them to attend though

They obviously disagree, as is their right, leave the poor sods alone

[Aeroflotgirl]

Op you will just have to lower your expectations of the grandparents, they are just not interested in their grandkids unfortunately. At least they have caring grandparents on your side. No its not only about the concert, op has said they are generally disinterested anyway and CBA.

[ineedaholidaynow]

Coco he did go and he enjoyed it, well he said he did

Most of the children were of a very high standard, there were only a few ear cringing moments! Has certainly inspired DS to have piano lessons at the school.

FIL only used to see DS about twice a year, so the novelty of being able to be involved with many aspects of his life hasn't worn off yet.

[Porcupinetree]

OP, I hope you and whoever else from your family have a lovely time.

To the majority of the rest of you, as an ex-instrumental teacher I can assure you all that your children are usually aware when their parents couldn't give a toss about their playing.

The parents that happily pay for tuition but do nothing to support their children's musical interests have always greatly amused me. I always loved being a badly paid baby sitter...