To think that there should be a lot more support offered for parents who lose their children through social services?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I've seen many articles about the fact that quite often parents who lose their children through social services (adoption) will go on to have more and more children, who are usually then removed again. This means the whole cycle goes on and on and more and more children end up in the care system.

I can understand this is often due to the parents trying to replace what they have lost, many of them may have either diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health problems that might have caused them to struggle with parenting in the first place.

IME, social services don't offer enough, or any, support to stop this cycle from being repeated over and over, parents have their children taken and then just left with no thought to what happens next.

I know that their focus is the children, as it should be, and that they have limited resources but Aibu to think that something should be done to help these parents rather than just removing any more children they have?

Oh, crossposted, that Pause project linked above must have been what the Radio 4 programme was about. Hackney definitely rings a bell.

I'd bet anything that more support for those families would give the best return in the long run, as well as save a lot of misery for kids. Even if it cost some taxpayers money to do it.
The whole care system needs an overhaul IMO. Its not fit for purpose.

Thanks for the reports, all - we've nipped in and removed a few posts that were posted by a previously banned poster.

As you were...

I read somewhere that the lack of support given is often why these parents go on to have child after child. The very acting of losing one child makes them desperate for another. It's very sad.

DawnMN they're still posting.

And will just sign up from the app again to be user+different numbers

"Aibu to think that something should be done to help these parents rather than just removing any more children they have?"
Like what? They are adults and can refuse help/intervention. There are often mental health issues, or drug addiction. Short of incarceration/sterilisation, what would you suggest?

On the other side i also worked with a woman of had had 4 children removed when she was younger. She has issues with MH, alcohol and had learning difficulties. She eventually split up with her abusive partner, met someone new and found herself pregnant at the age of 40. I assessed her situation and supported her and her DH and she has kept this child and they are all doing well as a family. Again i put supports in place with the help of her HV. I was really proud of my work on that one!

Fuck off userloadsofnumbers

Even with the support in place it is difficult for birth parents to demonstrate change when the court proceedings need to be concluded within the 26 week timescale. Parenting assessments are done very quickly once a child is removed at birth and then court proceedings are in process so the chances of birth parents demonstrating and sustaining change during that timescale are next to none.

My children's birth mother never accepted any wrong doing and wouldn't have accepted support even if was offered after her children were removed.

She had massive amounts of support before the children were removed. In the end it didn't help; mainly for the same reason (she didn't accept she was doing anything wrong).

Am I the only one intrigued to know what userloadsofnumbers must have done/be saying?

However in relation to the OP I totally agree that more support should be provided but I can't help but feel the demands on SS are already at their highest. I've never had any personal experience of this situation so can't comment with an informed view but IMHO I feel that if children are removed from a family then support needs to be given to ALL members of that family to help them come to terms with what has happened, mum, dad and any siblings either full step or half.

If user is a pbp, how come they are still allowed to post
Op, I agree with you

Yanbu.

My dd has lds, she's already spoke of her plans to 'get a baby' when she's older. Because babies are cute and you can play with them. A bit like a puppy really, only they arent.

My dd refuses to go on contraception, any child she has WILL be taken at birth. I have sat her down very firmly and told her this.

And there is fuck all I can.do about this.

I can fully see this happening and dd just having another one to replace it and have the routine and excitement of scans and appts to fill her day. A bit like when her pet rabbit died and she tried to just frogmarch me to the nearest petshop to replace it. Because that's how her brain works, it's the same for many people who have addictions /lds because their lives are pretty shit and.often very empty with no real purpose. Carrying a child gives them that.

My dd is one of the luckier ones, she's currently in a good residential placement and all I want for her is to find some purpose and meaning in her life. She needs a hell of a lot of support which I just couldnt give her, at 17 she's barely able to master basic hygene needs yet can in theory go out and 'get' a baby.

I know i'm rambling but it often is a very sad situation for all involved.

For the time being I'm going to ignore your comments on sterilisation user and just ask you to please refrain from using the phrase 'degenerate'. People have children removed for all sorts of reasons. Not all of them are abusive or drug addicts who have brought it all on themselves. Some of them have suffered horrifically and, for whatever reason, are not able to be the best parents. That does not make them degenerates. My Dsis was a victim of an attack that gave her MH issues, shortly after her husband left her. She tried her very best and was offered no support, eventually she just couldn't cope anymore. Please try not to tar everyone with the same brush.

Yes that is very true coco.

Totally agree sometimes. Absolutely the children should be offered support but they are not the only ones that need it. It is a very difficult thing as, as PP have said, resources are so limited. I just feel it would be worth investing in strategies to help all those involved in these situations to heal rather than trying to 'shut the door after the horse has bolted' so to speak.

It's so hard. I hospital I saw this playing out across the room from me. I will be vague on specifics - but basically ss were due to take one of the babies on the ward i was put on. The woman made a lot of phonecalls and didn't have clear information, neither did the midwives. It needed much more structure as a process and she didn't seem to have any paperwork for anyone (midwife) to refer her back to. It was the most uncomfortable thing to be witness to and the midwives kept opening all the f'ing curtains, so i couldn't even give the woman privacy from knowing we could hear etc. It wasn't her first to be taken away BUT she had other children at home. If a woman in that situation did not have a clear social worker for midwives to liase with then surely there's something very wrong.

That just helps illustrate my point sighing. I read an article written by a midwife, part of whose job was the remove these babies from parents at birth. It was very harrowing for her too, to have to witness this over and over, even more so when the parents in question were having their 4th,5th,6th etc child taken. I think in the end she just couldn't do it any more. So this cycle of child removal has a much bigger impact on wider society than you might think at first. Not to mention that all those children who have been removed have a statistically greater chance of having their own children removed. Where does it end? Surely something needs to be done now to help, even if it does cost money.

From what I can make out, PBPs are coming back through the app where they are assigned the ghastly usernumbers names.

There's a thread on Site Stuff about it and MNHQ are supposed to be looking into it, as its so wildly unpopular on here and open to abuse.

I read about PAUSE in the papers this week - i had to look it up as i was suspicious and it was fairly well buried that access to the services is dependent on taking a LARC. I found the support offered laudable and necessary but the LARC side of it creepy and horrid tbh.

Articles like this one give me hope that many SWs do get it and want to improve how they work with people in such desperately difficult and upsetting circumstances: adcs.org.uk/blog/article/relationships-relationships-relationships