To e-mail my XP. No idea what would be the right thing to do.

[someonestolemynick]

4 years ago I broke up with my XP and whilst trying to do the right thing for me and him I'm fairly certain I hurt him quite badly. We got together young (I was 20), it was my first serious relationship and I realise I'm retrospect that while I liked (and still like) him a lot and i don't think I was attracted to him.
After a few years together I worked closely with Y, fell head over heels in love, agonized a few weeks and after a work session with I in which I felt resentful that i couldn't pursue my feelings with Y and angry at going back to X I decided that I needed to end it with X.
I did and got together with Y a few weeks later. Y and I are still together and very happy.
I moved away from the area where X and I lived together. We met a few times for coffee afterwards (on his instigation) but when he still wanted to hold my hand/ act like a couple I told him that while I'd like to see him again as a friend I think we needed some time away from each other.
Since then I haven't seen him or has much contact. Occasionally we exchange e-mails about our respective areas of interest.

If you're still here, well done. Now my dilemma:
I accepted a regular, long-term work gig that takes me to the area where he lives. And I'm wondering of I should get in touch with him to ...
A) inform him that we might run into each B) ask if he wants to meet for a coffee as friends and see how we get on.

My reasons for thinking it would be a good idea to tell him:
He would be prepared of he ran into me and could choose to avoid the town centre on the day (always the same weekday).
I also think he might be hurt of he finds out I'm in the are regularly without having told him.

Why I think it might be a stupid idea.
It's not guaranteed that i will meet him. He might not want to hear from me. It might upset him to get an e-mail from me that doesn't follow our regular pattern. (Check out this article about the thing you are interested in.)
I still feel very guilty about the way I left him and am therefore hugely over thinking the dilemma. Help!

I'd have to learn an Dale song for that? Also, can I swap the Malibu for captain Morgan's

*an Adele

No leave well alone.or you could stir up a hornets nest

Good god no don't email him!

Just rtft. saucy!

Glad you're going to leave it OP. If there's unfinished business on his part, he'll let you know.

Haha at SaucyJack actually did make me snort

"Also, can I swap the Malibu for captain Morgan's?"

Goodness yes.

Because no good ex-BF story ever started with "I thought I'd just switch my phone off and have a cup of tea instead."

Spiney gets my post of the day award
I shall be using It does sound a bit like you have ten bob each way on yourself OP myself in future.

OP fair play for conceeding you were being unreasonable.

Good thing I'm always sober when going to the job. Though I pass a few good pubs in the way home.

so heloooooooooooo from the other siiiiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeee

sorry couldnt help myself

Just wanted to say this again: you guys really helped.

I had been going to this client for about 2 months and while e-mailing X didn't even occur to me pre session 1, it got weirder and weirder and today I was on the bus home ready to send THAT e-mail. I'm so glad I posted this instead.

I love a rational OP. They can be a rare breed!

I have a saying, close one door before you open another OP or it tends to get a bit drafty

I think people are being a bit harsh on you OP. I can see why youd want to warn him because you care about him and you feel uncomfortable about the effect seeing you could have on him either because there might be a chance he still has feelings for you or because he thought you were friends and gets hurt that you didnt let him know youd be around to meet up as a friend might. Id find it awkward too so i feel your pain. Thing is though i think you need to take a step back and disengage. his emotional reaction is not your responsibility. It sounds like you feel very guilty about the whole thing and also sounds like he has fed off of that somewhat. You sometimes end up doing more damage when you overthink peoples feelings and try and go out of your way to not hurt anyone.

Did Y think it was a good idea for you to arrange a meet up with X ?

Put an ad in the paper in case he doesn't check his e-mail.

Glad you like it PHead it was one of my DDads sayings. Another he used to come out with was, 'He believes his own press'. Both said in a dour way. IoraRua is right about it being nice to fine a rational OP. I am struggling to find rational people in my day to day life at the moment generally. The world has gone mad entirely!

I am also eagerly awaiting the opportunity to use the 'ten bob' phrase

Sounds to me like you want to re open something with him. If genuinely not then leave him be.

Cue 18 more pages of "NO and you sound really into yourself."

Cancel the cheque.

As trafalgargal says, what does Y think? Have you mentioned it to him?

you say X might be hurt if he found you hadn't told him you were in town. Is there any chance Y might be hurt that you were meeting up with X whilst working away from home?

I have discussed this with Y yesterday. He thinks I'm overthinking things. I would not meet up with X behind his back or if I got the feeling he was uncomfortable.

IceRoad that's the risk you take when posting on mumsnet.

Love the Adele reference.

But seriously, if you do bump into him a simple "hello, how are things?" is far better than "Hello, it's me, I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet, to go over everything."

I think you definitely made the right choice, because to me it could look like you're to some extent playing games with him, sending mixed signals, etc.

Adele really needs to let her ex go.