Please give me the bollocking I deserve. I really lost it with my kids this morning.

[Lonnysera]

Am so ashamed and sad. I shouted, I said "for fucks sake" really loudly, I slammed the door, I stomped. I shouted at the top of my voice at DS2, I slapped DS3 on the bum. I shouted "I've bloody had enough,"

I'm crap at this.

Agree with the above comment about the twin hating noise. You don't need bollocking, you need a break! I know/have seen parents with less on their plates being much worse to their children, with no apparent feeling that they should fix it. You're alright in my book. Maybe look up some courses in your area such as Early Bird (for parents of children with autism) or strengthening families which is more general. We have similar dynamics in our house, not twins but close in age, plus another with autism. I have found that by having lots of rules and a lot of emphasis on systems and order, that I feel more in control and that everyone is calmer and I don't get as many of those "for fucks sake!!!!!" Moments... Although I do still get them in my head, often I think if you're feeling frazzled, addressing the fact that this is normal and you need strategies to lessen it a bit, is OK. I have had loads going on lately and have found that things that are conducive to reducing stress, if you do enough of them together, really work! Downloaded headspace or some other mindfulness app, read a gripping novel or trial audible and just listen to one, get the kids' clothes ready the night before, order shopping online, have a bath, cook dinner in advance. All of these sorts of things really chill you out, and you deserve not to be tearing your hair out and questioning yourself. The fact that you are asking yourself if you are wrong, and rethinking what you've done, means you're probably doing much better than you think.

Not your finest moment but I have done similar. I am the calmest most even tempered person I know and my kids have always been pretty well behaved but there were a few probably quite a lot moments when the kids were wee that I lost it or nearly lost it. TBH I don't think showing your kids that you are at the end of your tether is a always a bad thing.

I've never hit a kid in anger and I think that is worrying if you have. I have smacked one of my DC but only when he was doing something very naughty and deliberate and would stop after patient reasoning. I calmly told him I was going to have to smack him after 10 seconds and the stubborn bugger still wouldn't stop so he got a smack. It was probably the wrong thing to do but there you go.....

BTW - If a guy had posted this then the answers would be very, very different.

OP, I hope he rest of your day goes well. Sympathy for the crick'y neck - that's something that makes me crabby too.

that sounds like a hell morning OP!!
Well done for getting everyone through it alive :)
No bollocking from me.

Seriously, we are all a bit shit at parenting sometimes, and everyone has bad days. Your situations sounds very stressful and you are doing a great job trying to work it all out.

No bollocking from here either. I did pretty much the same thing on Tuesday - I lost it because I was tired and the whinge/whine pushed me over the edge. Poor DS was so upset at the time as was I for the whole day. But he was fine after school and I apologised. In fact someone told me it was good for children to see that we all lose our temper sometimes but the important thing is to apologise, give brief explanation and a big hug. You seem to have a lot on your plate and others here have given you some good advice. Be kind to yourself, you're a caring parent and it's not always easy

I don't think you need anger management either.
3 dcs so close in age is bloody hard.
3 dcs one of whihc has autism is even worse.
And you are saying that DT2 is also been assessed!

You have a lot of your plate and yes some days are very hard. We've all lost it and few of us will have had such a hard mix to deal with!

When is the last time you've had a break? On your own?
Can you also get some help in the morning to make it easier?

I am trying to think back to when mine were little. DTDs and clueless DS with 2y5mth gap). I discovered early on during a disastrous day with them on my own that shouting did not work as they all panicked and it was like herding cats. .

From then onwards, I had to channel my inner Mary Poppins .

I found the Talking to Kids useful too. Also, Steve Biddulphs Secrets of Happy Children.

Also, more planning ahead and allowing more time, where possible, more routine and stating what I expected them to do rather than telling them where they went wrong after the event.

TBH they were still Ps ITA at times but we got through it and I felt more in control

That all sounds so stressful. No bollocking from me here! I ROARED at my two yesterday over dinner time. If you are messing so much you fall OFF YOUR CHAIR and hurt yourself, then NO, you were NOT sitting properly in your chair. OMG.

I admit that I laughed a bit when you said that they came up to fight over their favourite pebble while you were having a wee, and then one (inevitably, really) threw it at the other. :)

Anger management!!! FFS, what this woman needs is cake (and wine).

Meh to the odd shout, and even the smacked bum (awaits flaming), nobody's perfect.

I'm not going to bollock you, even for the slapped bottom. How's your hand that must have hurt?

I will recommend ear defenders though for noise hating bairn. I pop my sons on sometimes they're bloody marvellous.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I would say your kids actually deserved it as they were horribly behaved. Hopefully after you all calm down, have a cuddle and start again. Every parent loses it at some point and one who says they never have is a liar.

I've shouted at mine a few times over the years, really lost it with them sometimes, either individually or both of them. Haven't done in last couple of years, I think partly because they've grown up a bit and I'm finding them generally more reasonable now.
I agree with PP who said being annoying is in the DC job description.
With detachment of not being in the situation I found a little humour in your description of your morning. Sorry.
But wondering if, now you're not in the midst of it, you can do the same?
This too shall pass.

Yes Lonnysera that sort of bickering is a) utterly normal at that age, and b) utterly exhausting. Frankly, while it may not be PC to think it, in reality NOT quite forcefully showing your kids how unacceptable that behaviour is, does them no favours at all in the longterm. I'm sure that you are a fine mum so a bit of a justified blast should register.

For what it's worth my advice would be to have a serious sit down with them and explain that bickering, taunting behaviour isn't just unnecessary and unexceptable but, as they have discovered, it can prove to be quite dangerous! Explain that they had crossed that line and provoked a reaction from you that you yourself don't like, explain that this is a real danger in life. If they don't consider other's, they WILL find themselves in far more dangerous situations, and with people they may not know.

I would see this as a golden oppertunity to start that vital lesson in tact, and so not something to regret too much.

Ha!! I have four and they annoy me so much everyday they have to eat breakfast in shifts!

too much arguing.

this is life with kids.

I swore at my 17-year-old, or not at her as such, but at the difficult situation she had placed me in this morning by not getting organised the night before and forgetting to tell me that a road was closed as I drove her somewhere.

It happens. And sometimes it does them no harm to see that their actions have emotional consequences on other human beings,.

After a morning like that I think anyone would have had difficulty holding it together. We all have a melt down from time to time. Hugs x

Your doing great OP,we have 5DC and 2 of our DC are autistic DS14 and DD8,DD8 also has other disabilitys and health problems,all week she's screamed about going to school for nearly an hour every morning.She loves school,all the staff and children love her,all the parents that know her love her,she's been screaming because she wants Mummy this week.
Last week it was screaming every evening for at least an hour because she hated bed despite the fact that she was tired and loves her room.

On top of that DD13(just started her periods)has been moody,DS14 has been short and snappy with everyone and for good measure DS20 and DS17 thought they'd join in.

I told them I'd sell them all on Ebay this week for a joblot if only I thought anyone would take them the little sods

Your not alone OP it's bloody hard work,it's a hard enough job being a parent anyways when you then factor in that you have a child with extra needs and 2 children at the exact same age it's no wonder you've felt stressed and lost it a little bit.

The difference between you and a crap parent is the fact that you feel so bad about it and the fact that it's not the norm for your family and how you react.Try not to be so hard on yourself,us parents need reminding sometimes that were mere humans not robots.

Sounds hideous. I cannot say that smacking is ever acceptable, because it's not. But under those circumstances I can see how it did happen. The main thing is to work out how it never happens again.

And that's about changing the situation, rather than trying to endure the same situation yet holding yourself back, as that sets you up for failure.

Good luck, and treat yourself gently.

I would have lost it at that as well. I don't swear in front of them or smack but I do shout, loud and too much. Happens more when they aren't cooperating or have asked them to do something very nicely and end up bellowing before they do it. It is hard work and mine don't have any additional needs. I'd really struggle in your situation as would the most patient person in the world, so no bollocking and no you don't deserve it at all. You also don't need anger management ffs.

They are still alive aren't they! Stop stressing it's normal to feel guilt shows you care but please stop beating yourself up about it. I don't think you need parenting classes just a walk or rest to clear your head. The kids have already forgotten about it no doubt!

You sound like a great mum. Please don't worry. Sometimes I don't think it's bad for kids to see the frustration and upset, as long as it's just a little bit as it was in this case - reminds them that you are a human person too.

Oh op, I have had some epic parenting fails. Thankfully very few and very far between but I well remember that awful heart sore feeling when you feel terrible and know you've made your dc fell awful too. Ds still thinks I'm the 'best lady in the world' and wants to marry me, and doesn't appear to even remember the shittier things I've said and done. Children are both forgiving and forgetful. Tomorrow is another day. Make it count.

I think even little kids need to learn that when you go too far and really piss someone off, they get cross and you get a bad reaction. I think as a mum you do your kids no favours by always being calm and putting up with everything.
We are all human and (mostly) doing the absolute best we can. Forget about it.

Arf at the anger management, I know one lady in RL who would also give you that advice, and yet her DC behavior is off the scale and out of control, like they want to get a reaction out of her!

Op, forgive yourself and move on, this is real life, people loose their temper. Apologise to them later on, and forget about it.

No bollocking from me!

Its bad enough trying to get an autistic child dressed, never mind with everything else going on, and possible SP issues with one of your twins.

As one Autism Mom to another, can i make a suggestion? Get him dressed, on days like today, when your sanity is on a thread, pick your battles.. if he's not able to hear you, and repeating yourself is pulling one of your last threads, its quicker just to do it yourself.

My DS is 9, every morning i have to repeat and prompt and prompt and repeat through EVERY SINGLE item of clothing, both taking off and putting on. I know he can dress himself, but on school days, its just less stress, less hassle, and less of hearing my own voice, for us to do it together!

We've all been there, and most of us have been there with children who don't require extra effort.

Two things that have really worked for me when it all gets totally overwhelming

To apologise when things have calmed down. It does no harm to admit that you got it wrong and you don't want to be a shouty angry person.

To get down on their level and hug them and not let go when they are in meltdown, it's calming. [no idea if this would backfire for an autistic child though]

If your hand is bruised show DT1 that he has hurt you, and apologise for hurting him in response. Most children are horrified by causing harm, especially to an adult.

Any opportunity for some time off ?