Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of smug married family member

40 replies

SyrizaSalou · 15/06/2016 23:54

She is a few years older than me (27 to my 24), and gave me a bit of a lecture today about how at her age everyone gets settled down so not to get too spooked by it... She mentioned how a lot of her friends are upset that they're not getting married like her Hmm While she means well I find it all a bit offensive! I have a happy fulfilling life, lots of friends and have invested in these relationships a lot. Without meaning to compare, she has gone from boyfriend to boyfriend and often neglected her friends to throw herself into a new relationship whereas I have done the opposite. I find it quite patronising that despite this she feels the need to advise me on how to live my life!

OP posts:
Original poster
SyrizaSalou · 15/06/2016 23:54

I am single btw. I just sometimes feel like she thinks she knows best! Find it a bit galling.

OP posts:
StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 15/06/2016 23:56

She sounds like a bit of an arsehole.

She'll probably be the first to get divorced, too :o

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2016 00:00

I'd find it a bit 'eye-rolling' but even if I tried really hard, I couldn't find it offensive.

Why are you offended, if you have a happy and fulfilling life?

Just file it under "That's nice dear" and don't pay her another thought.

Original poster
SyrizaSalou · 16/06/2016 00:02

It's annoying when you feel like you are making the most out of single life and you can tell that the smug married person just pities you. Her dp is great but I really had to bite back from shouting that I really don't want her lifestyle!! I think she feels that everyone must envy it whereas at the moment it's honestly not for me

OP posts:
Original poster
SyrizaSalou · 16/06/2016 00:03

Ok maybe offensive is a bit strong! Grin Annoying, then!

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 16/06/2016 00:08

It sounds like she is somewhat overcompensating and perhaps the grass is not as green as she's making out....

BackforGood · 16/06/2016 00:13

Exactly what Worra said.
Just raise an eyebrow at her ramblings, and move on.

EveryoneElsie · 16/06/2016 00:16

Do you think there is the slightest possibility that in a few months time you are going to be posting about a Bridezilla?

AyeAmarok · 16/06/2016 00:22

TBH it sounds like you are both a bit insecure about the path you're on/position you're in.

If you're truly happy with your life then it wouldn't bother you. Likewise if she was then she wouldn't need to big herself up.

ShadowsCollideWithKittens · 16/06/2016 00:29

Are you happy? Do you enjoy your life? If so, meh, what she thinks doesn't matter a jot. Live your life, leave her to it. Oh and maybe don't think of it as 'making the most out of single life'. Just make the most out of life. Which is what we all should be doing Grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/06/2016 00:48

It'd be ironic if "the smug bitch's husband was shagging all kinds behind her back.
Karma and smug have never been friends
Just sayin'

DoltFromTheBlue · 16/06/2016 00:50

I'd rather be you, based on your post. Smug marrieds, eugh

SayWhat123 · 16/06/2016 00:51

It's just very bad etiquette in anyone's book to speak to someone unmarried like that - she has no idea of your situation or even of your want to get married. Maybe you have decided to in the future and her comments come off as condescending at best.

ArundelTomb · 16/06/2016 00:51

She's just being factual. Most weddings occur to 25-29 year olds.

Original poster
SyrizaSalou · 16/06/2016 00:57

She is being factual Arundel. But who cares about it? I feel that by "warning" me she's implying it's a big deal somehow... But is it?!

OP posts:
Original poster
SyrizaSalou · 16/06/2016 00:58

It's funny, a lot of mutual friends and people we know are having the time of their lives being single, going abroad to work and the like. But she never mentions this, only those who she sees as sad or depressed because they're not getting married? Just because this was her goal.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 16/06/2016 01:10

God, she sounds awful. Don't pay her any attention as in water off a duck's back.

Sounds like she's trying to convince herself anyway.

Like PP said, she may well be divorced X years down the line. And if so, so what? We all know getting married is not the fairy story "and they all lived happily ever after". Hmm

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 16/06/2016 01:32

Heh. She's not married yet, though. The reality sets in pretty quick ;)

DeathStare · 16/06/2016 03:49

Just reply with a big sweet smile and "I'm so thrilled that you're finally as happy in your life as I am in mine"

branofthemist · 16/06/2016 06:13

I have been married since I was 20 (16 years) and I hate people who are smug about their relationship status, regardless of what it is.

I know people who are smug about being single, about being in a relationship but not being married and being married. And everything in between.

It always makes me think they aren't as happy with their situation as they make out and I feel a bit sorry for them.

londonrach · 16/06/2016 06:41

Agree with bran. If shes snug about it shes not happy. Anyone happy about their situation wouldnt mention it. I remember a friend doing this once to me telling me about her dp etc and my dsis and i just listened and thought theres something wrong or else why would she go on and on about it. I thought it strange at the time but let her talk. Dsis with a more mature eye even if younger said after she left..shes not happy. Wish she told us whats really happening and i think that a cry for help. Sure enough she was the first to divorce him in our group before most of us had even married.

crossroads3 · 16/06/2016 06:49

I would say that at 24 the last thing you would want to be is shackled to someone else. I would definitely rather be you speaking as someone who is in a dead marriage!!

MrsMook · 16/06/2016 06:56

Enjoy whatever stage you're at!
She sounds insecure.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 16/06/2016 06:58

What crossroads said! Pressure to get married at 24!? I'd tell her you want to marry the right person not just marry any old person that asks.

WeekendAway · 16/06/2016 06:59

Blimey, it's hard to believe in 2016 that this thread is from a 24 yo talking about a 27 year old!

Now if you'd been 34 and she was 37 people would still be telling you to ignore the smug twat and just enjoy your life, but at least they could see where she was coming from where children/biological clock is concerned.

But as a 24 year old you should be saying 'WTAF - are you on glue or what?' and laugh in her face.

Swipe left for the next trending thread