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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change our family surname?

51 replies

QueenE27 · 15/06/2016 21:32

Me and DH don't have anything to do with DH's family. They have chosen this and quite frankly we wouldnt let them back in now they've passed up on knowing our children. Said children are 3 and 1 so still young. We were thinking of inventing our own family surname. We could just all revert to my maiden name but I never liked that anyway. Thoughts?

OP posts:

RubbleBubble00 · 15/06/2016 21:34

Bit odd but each to their own. What about your mums surname?

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 15/06/2016 21:36

Why not. If you both want to then do it. I would in that situation.

I want to change the spelling of ours. I wanted to do DCs when they were born but DH said no. Problem is so many people pronounce it wrong, the addition of 1 letter would change that! It doesn't even cost much, £10 per person online but it's the faff of changing every little thing that I can't be bothered with for adding a letter. I may one day though as it drives me mad everytime it's said wrong.

dontsufferfools · 15/06/2016 21:40

Hi Queen. I'm in the same situation! I really dont like the fact that our boys will carry on their name despite the fact that have never met their GP and DH's family have made it very clear they don't want to know. We've tried to think of different variations of what we have. Bit can't agree. I quite love the idea of choosing our own!! Again, we are in no rush because of the name changes that I can't be arsed to sort out.

beenaroundawhile · 15/06/2016 21:41

It wouldn't stop DC asking about your families, and if you do it you must do before they start school and are old enough to either ask questions or be asked to explain it.

Unless you have a particularly unusual or identifiable surname I think it's defeatist myself, but in the long term once it's done then you won't look back. It would be more appropriate if you had a family connection name to use rather than making one up.

Original poster

QueenE27 · 15/06/2016 21:43

Oh no we would always tell our children about them just don't want to carry the same surname. Our current surname is very unusual! My mums maiden name really doesn't go with my kids names and we really like the idea of making our own family one tbh xx

OP posts:

EdmundCleverClogs · 15/06/2016 21:47

Sorry but I don't agree. A surname doesn't have to define you by your past, it's just a name. A new one won't mean anything different, it's quite a faff just to be somewhat 'symbolic'. As others have said, it won't change things either - questions will be asked when older. I have my fathers surname, he's not at all a nice man but it's my name now, not his (if that makes sense).

I also know of someone who's parents did something similar. She thought it was silly, segregation from the family they still saw and actually quite pretentious, but obviously that's one example.

TwentyCupsOfTea · 15/06/2016 21:47

I know a lesbian couple who picked their own - they didn't want a hyphen and didn't like the idea of one of them losing theirs to take on the others - it was not their idea of equal. The surname they chose was a place they had been to together. I thought it was rather lovely, personally.

srslylikeomg · 15/06/2016 21:47

I have a friend who did this. Go for it! I always fancied the surname McQueen.

MrsMarsch · 15/06/2016 21:50

I say go for it! You're starting your own 'family history', and future generations will be known by the independence of you and DH

TheSpottedZebra · 15/06/2016 21:51

If it's what you all want, why not?
A name doesn't have to be from some one to be significant -it could be from a meaningful place, or book, or tv programme...

Original poster

QueenE27 · 15/06/2016 21:52

I understand that Edmundcleverclogg if we still saw them but they've never been in their lives and we haven't had contact for years. Whenever we've tried to get in touch we just get ignored. Our thinking is they don't have the surname as someone that doesn't want to know, for my husband as well as the kids. If that makes sense.

OP posts:

CowVersusMouse · 15/06/2016 21:53

Definitely do it. I like the idea of choosing a place you both liked as pp said.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 15/06/2016 21:53

I'd be careful of making one up that is unusual.

If you do go for something unusual, when your DC are adults meeting new people who are scratching about for small talk, people will say "Your name's interesting, where does that come from?" Then your DC will either have to explain all about their horrific extended family or lie. Neither is good.

I had an unusual maiden name. People frequently asked me about it. It is usually a safe topic for conversation.

lobba · 15/06/2016 21:54

I know someone whose surname was Italian 'Grotti' they changed it because they thought their child might get bullied to Giotti and now people ask all the time if it's Italian which they didn't before!

EllsTeeth · 15/06/2016 21:57

If you and your husband are both in agreement then why not? Go for it! It will be a lovely fresh start for your family and a slap in the face for your horrible in laws (if they cared).

I hate my in laws (with good reason) and do sometimes regret taking my husband's surname and giving it to our DC as it is also THEIR name. I would love to piss them off by changing our name, but as hubby points out it's also HIS name which he has had all his life and is attached to. But if your husband agrees and your kids are still young enough not to be too confused turn go for it! I've always fancied something really cool like - how about "Diamond".

AlisonWunderland · 15/06/2016 21:59

What about changing it to name of where the two of you met.
I could be Alison Barbarellas

Parietal · 15/06/2016 22:00

I know someone who did this - changed to the name of his mother's mother. It worked out fine.

SquinkiesRule · 15/06/2016 22:00

Do it. My Dh changed his and when we married I took the name he had changed to. It's not unusual, but it's ours. Even though we live close to his father, no one ever asks why the name is different.

BlueJug · 15/06/2016 22:04

In that case I'd be BlueJug Heathrow Airport

georgetteheyersbonnet · 15/06/2016 22:05

I know a couple of families who did this, and it was fine, no problem at all (at least one family is part-Swedish where this is very common, in fact quite fashionable).

Ceic · 15/06/2016 22:08

Go for it. I like the place name idea. The couple that I knew who chose their new surname went for a word which symbolised "Peace" - they became the "Doves".

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 15/06/2016 22:14

You could always conflate your two surnames into one, so Smith and Johnson becomes Smithson, for example?

PHeadPH · 15/06/2016 22:31

I'd change it. I'd go for a brand new name. You and your DH could continue using your old name at work if it would be more convenient.

I hope you are going to ask us for help with choosing your new name.

nellynoodles · 15/06/2016 22:49

I'm wanting to do this with my family - dps parents are cunts and his dad is a perv so we went NC years ago. Does anyone know if we changed our names if it would be flagged up on anything available for public knowledge? Like equifax or anything? Sounds strange but we have moved quite a distance for this reason plus a few others and we have covered our backs very well to make sure we aren't found by dps family or ex partner - obviously for official things like HMRC and council tax we use our legal name

Blu · 15/06/2016 23:07

You really like the idea, so do it!

Seems a great opportunity to me

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