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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a bit hurt by this?

41 replies

NeedACleverNN · 15/06/2016 13:51

I am currently bed bound right now. Back and forth to the doctors and a
And e to be diagnosed with a possible inflammation where my ribs meet my spine.

I am on the strongest pain killers they can give me. Morphine patches oramorph, diazepam and naproxen.

Leaving me a bit spaced out so excuse me for any spelling mistakes

My mum run Saturday after I was released from hospital to see how I was. At that point my pain medication wasn't as good as it is now so was still in a lot of pain. Today is weds and she hasn't rung me. Not once. Not even to see how I am coping.

I'm a little bit hurt really. I know I can ring her but I'm not really in the right state of mind to hold a coherent conversation. Even typing on here is....interesting

Would you be feeling a bit hurt or am I being a bit over sensitive

OP posts:
StillDrSethHazlittMD · 15/06/2016 13:55

I guess she could have rung since then to see how you are or if you need anything. Although if you're not in the right state of mind to hold a coherent conversation, what would you talk about? Maybe, like many, she assumes you're going to be shattered, unwell, sleeping a lot (delete as appropriate) and that you will ring should you need her?

Tiggeryoubastard · 15/06/2016 13:55

You're being oversensitive, but I'm sure people will be along to say you're not. If you're up to speaking, ring her. If not, it's as well she isn't ringing.

RiverTam · 15/06/2016 13:57

Yes, I'd be upset about this. Not surprised, as my family have form for this kind of thing, but upset. Even a 'how are you feeling today?' text would be nice.

Flowers hope you feel better soon.

PurpleDaisies · 15/06/2016 13:57

I think you're being oversensitive too, but it's understandable given you're in pain. I've wasted a lot of energy and head space being annoyed with simple for not ringing. It is much easier to just phone them.

Hope you feel better soon.Flowers

Ginkypig · 15/06/2016 14:00

It depends on your relationship with her and if she's the sort who thinks she would rather leave it to you incase she bothers you by calling, esp as your on loads of mind changing pain meds.

My mum wouldn't have bothered but then she never does so I might not be the best person to reply! I didn't want to read and run though.

Oysterbabe · 15/06/2016 14:03

It does depend on what's normal for your family. We have a fortnightly phone call irrespective of what's going on!

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 15/06/2016 14:03

See me and my mum used to be really close until I met my husband. She's never really approved of him and our relationship now reflects that.

My nan popped round earlier and I got a "you look like shit" Grin

Hopefully she will tell my mum who might then try to get into contact

If it was my sister, she would be off and on the phone all day offering to baby sit, the lot. She likes my sisters partner.

But because it's me...nothing

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lanbro · 15/06/2016 14:05

I would be upset. If it was me I would be hearing from my close family daily. When dh was in hospital for a few days I was nearly demented with all the texts from family, but it's good to know they care and are supportive. Is your DM usually like this?

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 15/06/2016 14:07

Never used to be Sad

Like I said, growing up I was her "favourite"
But I think it was cos I was such a pushover and would do anything that was asked of me

They needed a baby sitter I was there.
Needed a bit of money, I was there

Met my dh who taught me to stand on my own two feet and say no for a change and since then we don't get on as well

OP posts:
ziggyf · 15/06/2016 14:09

I'd be really hurt, but I am very close to my mum. I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't ring or pop round to check on me in those circumstances. Hope you feel better soon.

KateLivesInEngland · 15/06/2016 14:13

If this was my mum ringing me, no I would not be surprised to not hear from her as she is incredibly selfish.
If this was me ringing my child, I'd have rung at least daily and (depending on situation/distance) visited too.

Do you have help? Who is feeding you? I hope you're back on your feet soon Flowers

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 15/06/2016 14:23

My dh has taken time off work to try and help care for me and the children.

He had to go to work yesterday but after I fell unconscious for two hours (luckily after the children were in bed) he had to tell his boss he was needed more at home

OP posts:
LizKeen · 15/06/2016 14:48

I would be really hurt too.

Your mum sounds similar to mine. We are NC. It hurts a lot. Especially when I see people around me getting support and concern from their parents.

I hope you start to feel better soon. It sounds horrendous.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 16/06/2016 20:37

Still nothing....

It was her birthday yesterday so I managed to write a coherent enough birthday post on her FB yesterday and got a like. That was it.

Today she placed a post on her her own FB saying thank you to everyone who took the time to come and see her and wish her a happy birthday and I just felt absolutely shit. If I could have been there I would. But walking from the living room to the kitchen right now just exhausts me.

I just feel like giving up on her. But I can't. Because I will be the bad guy

OP posts:
KateLivesInEngland · 16/06/2016 21:47

I'm sorry Need!
She's the unreasonable one. The fact that you feel shit because you haven't seen her speak volumes ... You're a nice person!!
The fact that she can't be arsed to even properly enquire after her sick child also speaks volumes. She's a shit.

Try to focus your energy on your recovery FlowersChocolateWine

RosaRosaRose · 16/06/2016 21:55

YANBU! Use your energy to get better... have some of mine, sent with affection. Bless you, you sound like a lovely person x

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 16/06/2016 21:56

Thank you very much.

My dh has been trying to make me see for years how much she EA me but I've always defended her. I guess it's just starting to dawn on me

OP posts:
FireTruckOhFireTruck · 17/06/2016 17:30

As others have said, save your energy for getting better, look after yourself Flowers

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 17/06/2016 19:12

My nan rang me today....funnily enough she's now hurt her back sweeping the floor Hmm

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 17/06/2016 19:20

They are emotional drains OP. My family are like this, you can't possibly have anything wrong with you because they will have had it but sooooooo much worse.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 17/06/2016 19:21

My nan rang me to tell me my mum has done it not my nan*

Thought I ought to make that clear.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 17/06/2016 19:25

Everything does seem to reflect on my mum though.

With my first pregnancy I had SPD so bad I had to use a wheel chair bound. I also had threatened pre term labour at 27 weeks which meant I needed as much bed rest as possible. If I wanted to leave the house I had to go out in a wheel chair.

My mum made me feel so ashamed by it when she found out. It made her look back and it got me sympathy not her. She used to tell people I was just lazy and was putting it on which was why I needed the chair Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 17/06/2016 19:27

I apologise for spelling mistakes....my painkillers are so strong it's hard to get the right words in the first place

OP posts:
TooGood2BeFalse · 17/06/2016 19:27

Not sure why you would want to hear from her OP - she doesn't sound like she'd have anything particularly considerate to say. If you can see she's EA, don't expect anything less,you'really just hurting yourself. Flowers and hope you feel better

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 17/06/2016 19:40

I know. I guess the more I talk about it, the more I realise that my childhood wasn't always as happy as i thought.

I spent most of my life (and occasionally still do sometimes) thinking my dad wished I was a boy.

My mum was on anti depressants and off loaded so much of her troubles on me and because she had me so young, I think she resented me slightly for not being able to live her life (she was 18)

On top of that, I was even more tricky because I caught meningitis and was then registered deaf which meant I relied on her a lot more than most kids needed to...

Now i no longer live with her she doesn't have the patience to try and hold a conversation with me and if I try to get involved it's always "never mind you wouldn't hear it anyway" so I end up sitting there looking stupid. Luckily my dh sees it all (he's the one who pointed it out in the first place) and spends most of his time translating everything for me with the patience my mother ought to have

OP posts: